Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I met a wonderful man and we began dating about six months ago. Towards the beginning of our relationship, his closest friend, brother, daughter, and random women we would meet at parties warn me about him with comments such as, “You’re going to get screwed over” and “You shouldn’t date my Dad because he has a bad personality” and “Watch out for this guy!”
My boyfriend has been nothing short of wonderful within the span of our half-year relationship. I don’t want to judge him based on his past and what other people say, but those comments are difficult to ignore. It is influencing my thought process and I’m quick to grow suspicious now. How do I handle these comments from his friends and family, and what do I do about my boyfriend?
I am going to suggest that you keep your eyes and ears open, but don’t allow those comments to change your attitude towards the guy. He treats YOU well, and that is all that matters right now. He should be given a clean slate until he has proven himself to no longer be worthy of it.
See, the women that say he screwed them over may just be haters… in that they wanted something from him and he didn’t give it to them, so they are angry.
Children also act a fool and get their parent’s wrath. Some kids say a parent has a bad personality when he or she is merely firm and disciplines them in ways their friends get away with. His friend knows his dirty past, but again, if he was not serious about those women and they broke up, why should that be held against him?
Finally, all men are considered “players” by the women they don’t want and reject. But all men will stop playing when they meet the one woman they can’t live without! I’ve met men that have been married for years, have families and everything, that when divorced will admit they were never really in love with that woman. They cheat, they lie, they behave in abusive, stupid ways and are basically complete fools.
However, once they meet THAT ONE WOMAN that they give their heart to totally, they are terrified of messing things up so they toe the line with a Navy Seals like intensity. It’s a shocking thing to see. No woman should ever accept less or tolerate a man who only “cares for” her but is not madly in love.
Bottom line, no matter how silly we are when young, everyone matures and changes when motivated to do so by their heart.
Be fair to him and to yourself. Give the guy the chance he seems to be working hard to earn, and stop allowing complete strangers to poison your mind with no factual data. However, if he acts stupid and lies to you or hurts you, cut him from your team and don’t look back.