Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Me and this guy have been friends for a while, but now we’re getting more intimate. I initiated the relationship by the way. Now he texts me like, “hey let’s get together tonight!” Naturally I respond “yeah sure, what time?” to which he never ever responds and I am left hanging.
This has happened twice in the past weekend, and in past weekends before. I call him and he doesn’t pick up. I leave messages that never get returned, and yet the next time it’s always him who asks me to “hang out.”
What in the world is going on here? It’s really pissing me off because then I’m always up in the air about my plans, like waiting for him to respond, but then at the same time if he isn’t gonna, then I’m making plans with other people who actually follow through!
On a String
Dear On a String:
Really? I can just see him playing this trick with you time and time again, hanging up the phone and laughing with his buddies about how gullible and desperate you are. Girlfriend, what’s REALLY going on with you? Let’s go over the list of mistakes you made with this guy.
- You initiated the relationship. You need to remember very important thing going forward in your life…if a man is interested in spending time with you, being romantic with you, kissing you, taking you out and spending his money on you, being one on one with you, or having you as his wife, you won’t have to “initiate” anything. Even if it takes him awhile to work up his nerve, he will let his interest be known as a man should. There is no reason EVER for a young lady to initiate a relationship with a man. If he has not stepped up, it means he isn’t interested in you “like that”. Your proposal of more will certainly flatter him, and he may use that interest to get sex with you, but that will be all that it is because his heart is not into you.
- You are giving him too much power. Your desperation to be with him is getting in the way of demanding quality treatment. I’m wondering why you are letting some dude you barely know have all this power over your life. Stop letting him jerk you around like a marionette on a string (as you so aptly described).
- You chase him with calls and texts. The first thing you need to do is stop calling and texting him immediately. Let him miss you. Let him reach out to hear your voice or suggest seeing you because he misses being around you. Stop making yourself so available that he takes you for granted like an old dog that won’t ever leave no matter how it’s mistreated.
Stop allowing him to play with your head. Should he call or text you saying “let’s get together” you can either ignore his text like you never got it, or you can reply back with “Sorry, I have plans already.”
Should he ask to hang out, you can tell him that you are going to be out with YOUR FRIENDS, and if he wants to come through, he can. But you are not going to wait around for him or look for him, or treat him in any way more special than you treat any of the other guys in attendance at that function.
Make sure he understands that he is just a face in the crowd, and no one you will be trippin’ over one way or the other. Be very clear here because this one likes to play mind games, and he will most likely come to where you are, then make it a point to be all up in the faces of other women to make you jealous. Don’t let him.
Don’t make any more special “set time aside” plans for this immature little game-playing clown. He doesn’t deserve anything special from you.