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By May 18, 2010

An Accident and Plan B…

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My guy and I have been weird and stopped getting along and really distant for the last week.

It all started when we had a little accident in bed which led to us freaking out and me running to get Plan B. It wasn’t his or my fault and since this is the first this has ever happened, we freaked out and got scared.  He was supportive, but I keep pushing him away because I’m still really nervous about it.

Then he said something that made me angry.

Then at an event I was running, he showed up to support and b/c of the pressure on me, I didn’t pay enough attention to him, etc and his feelings got hurt. We talked about it and it seemed ok.

Then on the weekend we were headed to a friend’s birthday and he was really late picking me up causing us to be over 3 hours late. (I didn’t want to be a jerk and go without him.) We got into a fight about this too.

We’re trying to fix this because we are good for each other and our relationship is so precious to us but it seems like the more we try to talk things out and fix our problems, the less progress we are making.

I would say that our university year end exams/papers/etc are playing a big part in this, but it just seems like an easy way out to blame school for our fighting.

I don’t know what the problem is, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
The benchmark for a strong relationship is not that a couple never fights, but how they RESOLVE THEIR CONFLICTS. You two don’t seem to be able to handle normal life stresses and challenges by working together AT ALL!

Anyone can be in a great relationship when things are fun, easy, nice and tidy and relaxed! That is no big deal. But solid relationships are created by conflict that is overcome, problems attacked side by side, communication, AND love. You can’t have love without the other bits or it won’t work.

Dating allows us to see each other in different ways, in different situations. Dating is all about finding the right fit before we set up camp and make this person our life partner.

Sometimes we like what we see in our partner when challenges come up, and sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes we have to accept that the love we have for someone and the relationship we have with them has run its course. Not sure if that is now, but it sounds like you two are on very shaky ground, so I want you to prepare yourself.

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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