At 17 My Boyfriend Wants to Get Married, But I Want to Move On

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have had a very serious relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months now (as in, we both lost our virginity to each other). We are both 17, but go to different schools. I saw him everyday during the summer though. Anyways, he is my first love and I can tell that I am his first love, and so we both have been caught up in this relationship.

But I am getting more and more annoyed with everything he does now! He is arrogant and too possessive, and I’m starting to realize that I have to really own up to whether or not I want to be with him forever. I’m not so sure that I do anymore… I mean, dang, I’m only 17 years old! And he talks about us getting married. So, I have been seriously considering breaking up with him. In fact, I told him I wanted to but he begged and begged me to stay with him.

I need help in how to confidently tell him its over (we can still be friends). But he needs to know that I don’t want the relationship anymore. Please help!

Signed,
Annoyed in Michigan

Dear Annoyed:
Arrange to have him over at your house when your family is at home for backup or do this on the telephone. Tell him that he will always be special to you because he was your first love and your first everything, but that you are ready to move on. Tell him that you realized you are just a kid, only 17 years old and have a lot of living to do before you settle down.

Tell him that his frequent talk of marriage and “forever” is something you can’t even imagine at this point in your life. Tell him you want to travel, go to college and get a degree, work in different parts of the country maybe, and do a lot of things before you settle down into a marriage and have a family of your own.

Tell him that you would like it if you two could part as friends, but if it is too difficult for him, you completely understand and have no hard feelings. Really, though I understand your desire to reduce the pain and the reason you are offering friendship here, the best way to do this is a clean break. That means no calling, no texting, no visits, no emails, no instant messages, no Facebook posts, and no contact. You don’t go where you know he is going to be, and he stays away from you. Cold turkey is the best way for both parties to start the process of healing and moving on.

That is how you do it. And if he begs and cries for you to stay with him, tell him that you are very sorry but you just cannot give him what he wants. Then stick to your guns. This is your life and you have every right to live it exactly the way you see fit.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.