Dear Ms HeartBeat:
My boyfriend of almost 4 years who recently told me that he is bored with his friends and the people around him. He decided that he wants to find a new friend. He seems to want to have a girl as a close friend. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but he’s been really concerned about things that haven’t happened yet. He worries because he has someone in mind. He thinks that she is attractive and worries that he may become too close to this girl. He worries that he may hurt me by crossing the line with this girl.
I’m really unsure of what his motives are with having this “new” friend. Should I be concerned that he wants to cheat on me or is he just worrying too much about something that hasn’t happened? He keeps asking me what should he do, should he get to know this girl or should he stay away. I don’t know what to tell him, but I do worry.
Concerned and Worried
Dear Concerned and Worried:
Your boyfriend is telling you that he is stimulated and excited by this woman. He didn’t realize how boring and lame his life and everyone in it was until she came along. SHE brings sunshine into his mundane and staid existence and he wants to explore what else could happen (i.e., a relationship) with this woman.
He is putting you on notice that is where his head is. A man that talks nonstop about another woman is constantly THINKING about another woman. You need to stop sitting around worrying and tell him to go ahead and go be with her. No man talks about another woman in this manner unless he has some serious feelings for her, but is just afraid to leave the sure thing that he’s known and grown comfortable with. He doesn’t want to hurt you and feels very guilty about it, but he cannot help that he has fallen in love with someone else.
So you need to maintain a sense of dignity and let him go. We should never love someone that is not loving us back – the relationship is one-sided and out of balance. Tell him that the past four years have been great, but you can see that your relationship is now over. Don’t wait to have the shit rubbed up your nose before you smell the stench, okay?
Category: Daily Advice Questions