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By October 18, 2011

Spoiled and selfish daughters out of control

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Things have gotten out of hand. My two girls are to the point where they belittle me, and they are sarcastic over everything. I have been a good Mom over the years and have done my best to raise them on my own. Though I’m married to their father, needless to say, he is uninvolved in the child rearing.

Anyhow, I feel that they have gotten bolder because they see Dad brush it off. It then seems like it’s everyone against me. Recently, my daughter told me that I don’t work hard and my job isn’t anything. I explained that not only do I work on my feet all day, I also run the house and take care of everything that needs done. They laughed at me and rolled their eyes.

This may sound like a petty story, but the bottom line is that there is no respect though we both work hard so that our kids can have the things I wish I’d had. We make under $45,000.00 a year together, but I always make sure my kids have what they need. It’s all about my kids and yet they see me as lazy and a nobody!?

I watch other families and I don’t see this behavior. Society has made it hard because kids get so much now and some parents don’t set limits. This makes the other kids resent their parents. What are your thoughts?

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
As I read your later, I sat here shaking my head. Then I got really angry at both your daughters for being obnoxious, and at you for letting them get away with it.

First off, you do too much for your children. They are spoiled and ungrateful. That is what I see here. Children should not be GIVEN everything; as they grow up they should be taught the value of EARNING what they want.

All a parent is required to provide materially is food, shelter, clothing and education. Everything else we give and do for our children, we do because we want to. In your case you need to back off and stop wanting to.  That means stop doing everything for those brats.

Effective immediately they are to wash their own clothes, clean their own rooms, change their own sheets, make their own breakfast and lunch, and three times per week, their own dinner as well. You make enough for yourself. Let your husband and the girls figure it out on their own. Teach them to be appreciative and grateful.

Stop buying them clothes, shoes and surprises. They have enough to wear. If they NEED something get it at a second hand store. Tell them they should be grateful to be getting anything at all in this economy. Teach them to be humble and thankful.

Stop giving them money of any sort. Instead, make a chore list and beside it put an amount of “salary.” In other words, they will have chores to do that their “allowance” is tied to. If they don’t do their chores, no money. If they don’t do their chores, no friends over. Be mean about it too. If they bring them anyway and give you lip about it, reach for the phone and tell them they have 10 seconds to get their friends out of your house or you are calling the cops and they’ll do it for you. Teach them respect for authority.

Change the computer so that it is password protected. They won’t be able to use it unless you log them on. If they have their own computers, take them and put them in storage while they are at school. Tell them they can earn their computer back when they get control of their mouths and attitudes. Teach them responsibility and self-control.

When my daughter was about nine years old, she got an attitude that needed to be changed immediately. Tired of yelling, one morning after I dropped her off at school, I got some boxes and packed up her room. I took everything out but the bed and dresser and put it in storage. No video games, no Beanie Babies or dolls, no balls, no puzzles, no books, no crayons and art pencils, no television, nothing. Girlfriend had nothing to entertain herself with but her imagination. Worked like a charm. She learned a lesson and that I mean what I say.

Oh, that’s another thing.

If you are one of those parents always threatening to do something, but give in to their whining and begging… well that teaches children that you have no backbone. Children like that lose respect for their parents because they feel like their parents are weak pushovers. Children MUST slightly fear their parents. That fear is what creates respect and often helps your child make smarter choices when faced with peer pressure. Their fear of you and your reaction to their behavior must be far greater than their fear of not looking stupid amongst their friends.

Your children have no fear of either you or your husband.

Stop being a wimp! When they act up, demand that they not speak to you that way. Start taking their shit and completely cut out giving them stuff. You would essentially be rewarding their negative behavior if you continue to give give give to some selfish, disrespectful brats that don’t deserve to be treated that way.

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Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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