Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I did something I never should have done – I got involved with someone on my workplace. This guy chased me for a entire year before I would actually start to take him seriously and hang out with him. When talking to him and hanging out with him, I discovered I really liked him. The reason I never took him seriously before is because he just seemed like he was all about having sex with me. But we did get intimate and he began to act distant and too comfortable with me. I would voice my concerns to him and he wouldn’t really respond or care about them.
The last straw was when he asked why I haven’t called him lately and I told him I was tired of his games. He told me to email him and tell me what was going on and tell him what he did (we were at work). So I emailed him, told him how he made me feel like I was nothing, never wanted to go anywhere anymore and didn’t respect me as a woman or person. All he replied back was “it really isn’t that serious”. I emailed him back and told him that he could at least be a man and apologize for making me feel like that. He didn’t reply. That hurt me so much. I was so emotional and I did cry and he saw me.
He called later that night but I didn’t answer or return the call. I haven’t talked to him since then and that was 2 weeks ago. It tears me up inside to see him with this other female at work- taking his breaks with her, talking to her all the time. I just ignore him and talk and laugh with my female coworkers and act like he doesn’t exist, but its hard. I just don’t know how to get myself back together really. I feel like I’ve failed as a strong black woman because he saw me cry and every female I’ve ever asked for advice always has said “no matter what- never let him see you cry.”
When I see him with that female, I just usually continue doing what I’m doing and act like I’m having the best time and ignore him. It still hurts though. I just want to know how can I get over this and gain my confidence back. Was I wrong to tell him how I felt about his attitude??
Tired of His Attitude
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
You are not mature enough to be dating someone when you are both ingrained in a close situation like this. If you are going to play with fire, you have to know you may eventually get burned, but the big girls know how to protect themselves from the heat! You didn’t. But you tried to play with the big dogs and you got smoked, fired up, and burnt.
Even though it hurts because you apparently really fell for this guy, there is no need to be crying about it and walking around acting like a victim, being a big cry baby. You are a grown woman that did something YOU KNEW IN ADVANCE you had no business doing! You knew from the beginning that he was only after some butt, so now that things turned out just like you knew they would, you really need to get over yourself! Many women sleep with men just for the fun of it, but you have to know what kind of woman you are and if you can enjoy such antics without getting emotionally attached. You apparently cannot.
It’s time to grow up and accept responsibility for your choices girlfriend. Nobody MAKES you feel anything. How you feel is your decision and solely your responsibility. Nobody owes you anything, let alone an apology because YOU made a dumb decision and YOU got burned. That was your choice. None of this is his fault.
Always avoid sending private correspondence and things of a personal nature to other employees or even outside of the firm using company resources. You should have NEVER sent him an email saying anything personal using your company email, his company email, and company owned computer equipment. In some firms that alone is ground for termination. In this case it just gives him written proof that you were not mature enough to handle the game and allowed yourself to get all caught up.
In summary you dated, you slept with him, you fell for the okey doke, things didn’t work out the way you would have liked, it ended. Happens to many people and happens all the time. Just because you work with him does not make it any different. If you cannot handle seeing him around this woman, then put your resume out there and get another job.