My father always told me that the only way you would ever really know a man is to make him angry. He said that is when the mask of social politeness comes off and the real beast that is that man shows himself. As usual he was right. The rage a DBR black male feels when he is rejected after a divorce or breakup is one of the times you will get to see the real man come on stage and do the Fool Dance!
There is a real sickness in the male mind that makes them feel deserving of all that they want from women, when they want it, as much as they want it. The DBR black male insists on living his life as an adult when its convenient for him (like when its time for some ass), but in every other respect he wants to be treated like a spoiled child.
When It’s Over and He Won’t Let Go
One of the sickest behavior patterns demonstrated by DBR men is their desire to get back at the woman that left. Unable to accept that their behavior is the root cause of the breakup, he expects you to provide him with “unconditional love” no matter how he treats you.
When you decide to leave anyway and he can’t get you back, watch out! Very often they seek to get back at you by hurting the thing that means the most to a woman – her baby. DBRs have the attitude that if you leave him and hurt him, he is going to get revenge and hurt you back by taking away the one thing that is irreplaceable to you, the one thing he knows you will grieve for the rest of your life.
Somehow in his twisted little world, he equates the permanent death of your child or of you with his temporarily damaged ego.
Domestic violence specialists say that in abusive relationships, the period surrounding the woman’s escape is the most risky time for her. But what they fail to mention in any of the documentation I’ve read is how dangerous that time is for your children and other family members as well. This is especially true if:
#1 You have a child from a previous marriage or relationship which means he has no ties emotional to the child and no love for the child at all;
#2 He is enraged about giving you money every month and absolutely refuses to pay child support for the baby he made;
#3 You start dating after the breakup, meet someone else relatively soon, and end up pregnant by this new guy; or
#4 There is a history of domestic violence and abuse in the relationship and people that love you intervened on your behalf.
Every woman should be aware of the behavior patterns of DBR black men when it comes to making you pay for leaving him. Don’t play it off and take his threats, repeated phone calls, asking to come over and see you, or to spend time with him talking about the breakup lightly. You need to be very concerned about the safety and well-being of your child and yourself from men you don’t want to date or be married to any longer.
Like a wild animal he will kill the offspring of another male he perceives to be a threat to “his” female. Even if you have his child, he isn’t thinking about the child as much as he is thinking about his injured ego and pride. This attitude is especially alarming if he communicates any resistance to paying child support; instead of killing himself the DBR black man instead always opts to kill the child to eliminate what he perceives to be his problem.
When DBR Men Kill After a Breakup
What follows are highlights of a few recent cases of men who attempted to (or successfully) killed children to get back at their ex-wife or ex-girlfriend for leaving, or who killed a woman for trying to leave.
- A 5-year-old Bronx boy died and his 7-year-old sister was hospitalized after spending the evening with their father, who was apparently distraught and told police he put poison on their pizza. Police report that the children’s parents had split up recently. The kids were spending the day with him, and just after midnight, he called their mother and told her he was going to kill himself.
- Police were called to an East New York City home after reports were made of an unconscious girl. When police arrived, they found the 3 year old child, Halii McCord, unresponsive. She was taken to Brookdale Hospital, where she was pronounced dead. Sources say the boyfriend of the girl’s mother was arrested and is being questioned in connection with her death.
- Kevin Christopher Jones, aged 27 of Jacksonville Florida, was sentenced to life in prison recently for the 2010 death of his ex-girlfriend. News reports say that Jones killed Latoya Jones, 26, in December 2010. The two were at Latoya’s home when Jones stabbed her. After the stabbing, Jones forced his injured ex-girlfriend to drive him around town while she bled. While she drove, Jones reached over and strangled Latoya. Jones then jumped out of the moving car and watched his ex-girlfriend drive into a telephone pole. The M.E. Said the death was due to strangulation.
- Rodrick Dantzler went on a shooting spree. He ultimately killed himself, but only after killing two ex-girlfriends, one set of parents, and several children. He shot and killed his own daughter, his ex (the baby momma), then another ex-girlfriend, her sister and the ex’s 10-year old niece as well. This fool did all this shooting and killing because he was mad.
- Attempting to end a relationship proved fatal for 45 year old mother of two, Althea Lewis. Her boyfriend 32 year old boyfriend David Lynch was convicted on March 21, 2013 of second-degree murder for her beating death at a Far Rockaway beach in 2010. Lynch brutally beat and drowned the woman he claimed he loved during an argument about their break up. News reports say that her face was smashed from the Army ring he wore which left four star-shaped indentations on her mouth, nose and both sides of her head.
- A few days ago in March, DaWan Culpepper, sat down with a FOX 45 reporter and talked about the arrest of her ex-boyfriend Dameon Lareese Wesley, who killed her 13-year-old daughter Briona Rodgers and critically injured Alonta Culpuller (niece) because she had broken up with him. While he was being walked to jail the news crew recorded Wesley saying “…I’m sorry I took your world away from you. DaWan, that was not my intent. I love you with all my heart, I’m still in love with you and I guess God do get his justice, and that’s why I’m here right now.”
- Fools don’t care if you are in court if they want to get you. A woman trying to get a protective order against her ex-boyfriend was attacked right in the court room and recorded on camera. For some reason the 28 year old woman Dominique Morrow and the grandmother of the attacker were left alone in the courtroom with the 30 year old ex-boyfriend Rashad Greene. She was trying to get the restraining order because of the threats he’d made and the abuse she’d already suffered at his hands. The video has no sound, but Greene is clearly seen chasing Morror around the table, and pushing his grandmother into the wall when she tried to protect the girl from him. Green pounced on the victim and began beating her with his fists. It took a deputy and a stun gun to get him off her. She got her restraining order, though I’m not sure what good it is going to do
- Chicago Police officers say a Thadeus Ridley’s told them “I murdered someone.” That someone turned out to be his ex-girlfriend Curtria Duncan, 24, and her mother Cherie Adams, 43, whose bodies were found the week before inside Ms. Adams’ burning apartment. Turns out that Ridley had stabbed Ms. Adams “more than 60 times in her torso and head, struck her and tried to rip out her vocal cords”. He is reported to have stabbed Curtria twice in her neck twice, smothered her face and then put her body in the bathtub. Ridley started the fire to hide the murders, then calmly took the bus home to his apartment.
- Theodis Cox wanted to hurt his wife in a way she’d never forget. As his wife carried their baby and walked out of their Tampa home, he took out a gun and shot his child in the head. As the baby died in its mother’s arms, Cox walked back into his house and killed himself. Renee Cox claimed that she was getting tired of the violence in the household and was planning to leave because Theodis was beating her. Renee’s sister-in-law has said, “Oh yeah, he’s great, he’s wonderful. He volunteered to be a coach for my son’s football team; he’s perfect on the outside. Inside, he’s a demon.”
- Anthony Matthews, 31, kidnapped his estranged girlfriend from her family’s home then kept her in a Bed-Stuy apartment for over a month, torturing her by burning her legs with a hot iron, shoving a handgun into her mouth and shattering her teeth, beating her with a wooden board, and burning her severely when a screwdriver heated up with a cigarette lighter was placed against her crotch. When found she was in “septic shock” and had less than half her normal blood volume. She also had open wounds all over her body, some so deep bone was exposed. Shocked neighbors described him as a friendly guy who liked to barbecue.
- A DBR convicted of killing his former girlfriend by dousing her with gasoline and setting her on fire was put to death by lethal injection in Texas recently, the state’s first execution of the year. Carl Henry Blue, 48, was convicted of killing ex-girlfriend Carmen Richards-Sanders, 38, in her apartment in Bryan, Texas, in 1994 as she was getting ready to leave for work. According to court records, Blue threw open the door to her apartment, tossed gasoline on her and another man who was in the home at the time and set the two of them ablaze with a lighter. The male survived but Carmen died after 2 weeks due to organ failure – complications of the extensive burns. “I told you I was gonna get you,” Blue said to Richards-Sanders, according to a court summary of the case.
- Nicole Hernane, 32, was left barely alive in Atlanta Medical in critical condition after her 48 year old boyfriend David Bennett, beat her with a baseball bat. Reportedly he called a friend of hers, requesting that she come over and “check on your damn friend.” When the woman’s husband got there, he found Nicole bleeding heavily from two large wounds on her forehead, with her eyes swollen shut, with both arms and several fingers broken. It is hoped that she will retain sight in her right eye. Reconstructive surgery was performed on her face.
- Frederico Bruno, 19, was arrested for attacking his ex-girlfriend at her Jersey City home and forcing her out a third-floor window while she was holding her baby in her arms. According to his family, he came home after the attack and slept like a baby for most of the day. But police say Bruno had a key to his ex-girlfriend’s place and had been inside waiting for her to get home. When she returned with a friend and the baby (his child by the way), he attacked her leaving both mother and child in critical condition. Bruno sliced the friend up up with a household cutting device and left her for dead. He found the mother laying on top of the baby after falling 3 stories and continued to beat on her with a table.
- Cobb County George police arrested Eliot Jeffers, 29, for the stabbing death of his ex-girlfriend Jocilyn Williams at a restaurant in full view of dozens of patrons. Witnesses said she was sitting in a booth with another man when Jeffers pulled out a knife and stabbed her multiple times. She later died at a hospital. Daniel Stringfellow the other stabbing victim, survived. Jeffers has been charged with murder and aggravated assault.
- Kenner Police are investigating a murder-suicide involving a man and his estranged girlfriend. Jason Alexander, 26, of New Orleans, shot 22-year-old Alicia Fruge twice in the face and then shot himself in the head in the front yard of her family’s home. Police report that friends of Fruge said Alexander had been harassing her the entire evening by calling her on her cell phone, then confronted her at a casino in New Orleans. Police believe Alexander went to Fruge’s home and waited for her to get back home so he could kill her.
- Antonio Bryant Rogers, 18, stalked and hunted his former girlfriend, Shynerra Grant, 17, for more than a year. One time he broke into her home and sent her to the hospital with a broken jaw. A year later he tracked her down again shooting and killing her after following her to a friend’s home where she had sought protection from Rogers after he broke her car window and punched her in the jaw. He subsequently broke down the door and shot her in the kitchen of the friend’s home, then returned to his home and killed himself. She had gone there seeking protection from Rogers, who earlier in the night had confronted her in her car, broken her window, and punched her in the jaw. “That boy was just possessed and crazy,” Ms. Suleiman (a family friend) said. “He was just evil.”
- Richard McTear Jr. , 21, attacked his ex-girlfriend Jasmine Bedwell and her 4 month old baby, throwing her son onto the concrete. He then picked up the battered baby, and drove off with him, flinging him from his vehicle on the Interstate freeway. The baby was a born to Bedwell from a different man, long after she broke up with McTear. Every woman in McTear’s life has accused him of stalking, dragging and beating them unconscious, of breaking into their homes and threatening to kill, at least once, a child. None of those teen-aged women, including the mother of the baby who died, seemed to take his threats seriously enough to follow through to secure injunctions against him. First Arrested for domestic violence at age 14, McTear has been charged with first-degree murder.
- Dating a DBR can also prove fatal for your parents. A 22 year old man named Keith Phillips got into it with his estranged girlfriend, Rensha Nix, 25. Nix called her mother, Tiesha Nix, 40, asking to be picked up to avoid a physical altercation with Phillips. When she arrived her daughter and Phillips arguing, but witnesses say that’s when Phillips pulled out a gun and shot Tiesha Nix once in the head, killing her instantly. He then turned his attention back to his former girlfriend and fired the gun at her several times; she is in critical condition.
DBRs Usually Obsessed With the Ex
For some reason men tend to become obsessed with a woman that leaves them. They can’t stop thinking about their hurt and pain, and are livid with anger “how dare she do this to me!” Little thought is given to the fact that the relationship has just run its course and now its time to move on. Never do they think they were at fault for the breakup. Instead they can think of nothing else but the feeling that she did something to them that she had no right to do – leave.
Though the stories above are shocking and sad, in most cases there are specific behavior patterns that these DBR males exhibit which serve as warning signs. Some women are so desperate for attention they fall right into the trap without thinking about the possible downside of courtship with these guys. But you need to be smarter than that and learn to recognize when a DBR Obsessive Fool has arrived in your life.
A relationship with an obsessive DBR male usually follows a familiar pattern.
1. At first he comes on strong with the full court press. He wants you to know how fabulous he is, and how perfect he is for you. He flatters you and drowns you with calls, texts and visits. He is Mr. Romantic personified. He may tell you all the time how beautiful you are, how special, how wonderful because by the fact that you chose him, it means that HE is special and wonderful too. Most women allow themselves to get swept up in the fairy tale dream of high romance.
2. Pulls out what I call The Ho Test. Most often he will say or do something obnoxious to see how you handle it. Some will ask you to do outrageous things far over and above your level of involvement to see how much power and control you give him. Examples – I had a guy ask me to cut my hair into a style he saw in a magazine after our 3rd date. In another case a guy I’d gone out with twice told me that he wanted me to wear stilettos and makeup so that in case he might stop by unexpectedly I should look the way he wanted me to look. Both got the boot immediately from my world without even a goodbye. However, the woman that is submissive and easily manipulated into thinking she needs to “please my man” will get his stamp of approval as a potential mate.
3. Once he has staked his claim and considers you “my woman” the DBR men view you as an extension of themselves. His woman must look, talk, dress, and act a certain way as she “represents me in public”. Sometimes his attempts to control where you go, who you go with and what you do will come across as him being concerned for your safety. But in reality he wants to control your life. He’ll get that control By Any Means Necessary including pulling the purse strings, threats, manipulation, lies, coercion or outright violence.
4. At some point you’ll get sick of his shit and be ready to go. That’s when the real drama begins because in his mind, you don’t have the right to decide when the relationship is over. It’s over when HE says its over. He will beg, use “logic” to show you how your thoughts are wrong, or tell you how ungrateful you are for all he has done and how “all you black women are alike.” He may use your children as his reason to keep calling or stopping by, visitation schedules and even the court system to retain some sense of control over what you do and how you do it and who you do it with.
5. You’ll notice that he keeps showing up or calling, demanding to talk to you. He grills the kids when they visit with him. He suddenly will get buddy buddy with your friends or family or coworkers so he can get information and spread nasty gossip about you. He’ll show up places you are or leave signs so that you know he’s been there. All the time he is trying to get you back. He seems to know where you are going to be all the time. Be sure to change all the passwords to your email, cell phone or other accounts after you break up with him and make them something he will NEVER guess.
6. If you don’t fall for his jive time DBR tricks, he ups the ante and starts making vile threats. I had an ex-boyfriend that was so obsessed that I had to change my number and when I did that, he started calling my job. I almost got fired because of his 10-15x per day calls to every extension in the department (he knew my coworkers names since we’d socialized a few times). DBR men may threaten you, threaten to kill themselves, or threaten your child or pets if you don’t “come home.” He may leave a dozen or more messages on your phone, or text you endlessly to get you going and fighting with him. Some guys seek to humiliate you and will email nude pictures from when you were together to your friends or family, or post them on those Dog Your Ex girlfriend Out websites.
7. The top of the mountain of misbehavior for the DBR man that won’t let go is actual violence against you or those you love. He is so out of control at this point and feels so powerless without you to control that he will do anything to feel like “the man” again. So he’ll kill your dog, set your cat on fire, throw your baby out on the freeway, abduct and torture you, or shoot you in the head and kill you.
The DBR man refuses to let go and move on because he believes you have wronged him somehow. You dogged him, used him, intentionally hurt him. You’re a bitch, a ho, a whatever. The fact that he is an immature fool that can’t handle rejection never crosses his simple mind.
Pay attention to the things every man you meet does and says when you first meet him. DBR black men are not very creative and their game plan will stick very closely to that set out here – full court press, attempt to control, claiming you quickly, manipulating to get and maintain the upper hand, etc.
As soon as you see even ONE of the red flags listed above, be out like Forrest Gump girl and keep running as far and as fast as you can.