Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My boyfriend of two years says that he wants to see other people and he has been keeping it a secret for a month or so. I noticed that he was treating me differently kind of mean so I asked him if he wants me to break up with him he said no. But I have been asking him over and over if he loves me he said yes, I asked if he was happy with me he says he doesn’t have anyone to compare me to, and I said what then he said that he was concentrating on his drawing and didn’t mean to say that, we was suppose to talk about it the next day in person but we didn’t.
Last Sunday it all came out he doesn’t have the same feelings for me. I asked him if he was still in love with me he said no that was a shock. I think someone may be telling him things like he can’t take care of me and that he shouldn’t be in a relationship. He was my first and I was his first. He wants to see what is out there I guess but I don’t feel the same way. He feels that we might get married and he doesn’t want to marry me and regret that he didn’t date. What should I do? He is confused and now so I am I!
He is not confused and neither are you. He just doesn’t want to cause you pain, but he cannot pretend to have feelings that he doesn’t and that is why you noticed that he wasn’t treating you the same as he was before. That is also why you felt the need to ask him if he loved you anymore.
But for some reason you just don’t want to hear what the man is telling you! REALITY CHECK: He wants OUT. He’s met someone else that he finds to be sexually stimulating and he wants to be with her. It’s not that he wants to see other people, he already IS seeing other people. He doesn’t want to be committed anymore to just you.
Now, he has been honest and told you that he wants out. He’s also been honest and told you that he doesn’t love you anymore. He is trying to do the “let her down easy” thing but he can’t. No matter what he says it is going to hurt. Always does when love dies. Best for you to start dealing with the reality that this relationship is over, because the faster you do, the faster you can heal and advance to bigger and better things.
Just because he was your first means nothing. First is not only, it is not best, it is not longest – its just the first. You will always remember your first sex, and you’ll always remember whoever the last was as well. Everyone in between, not so much. You will also fondly remember each and every man that you deeply loved in your life, because each one of them provided you with an opportunity to learn something different about yourself and to grow in myriad ways. Each man we love leaves his mark on our soul and in our hearts.
At this point I strongly suggest you stop waiting around like a little baby, sitting there waiting for him to tell you what to do and how to run your life. You already know what time it is, and you’re plenty old enough to make decisions in your own best interest. Stop doubting the reality staring you in the face. Take charge of your life, own your destiny like an adult. It’s time to move on.