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By October 1, 2011

Family against interracial relationship with black woman

Question:

Our son, divorced from a Korean girl two years ago has a beautiful daughter and we have always been very close and keep in touch constantly (he lives 200 miles away).

He is now seeing a girl from Ghana that is about 10 years younger. She seems very nice and appears to be a very responsible person. He says she is the only girl that he has ever met that really cares for him, is polite, and well liked by all of his friends and co-workers. I believe this to be true.

The only problem is that my wife is fiercely opposed to his dating a Black girl and is ashamed to even tell her friends or relatives (all southern people). This is causing a major rift in our family and could result in permanent damage to our relationship with our only son and our granddaughter, who we adore. I do know that if our son stops this relationship because of my wife’s feelings, the mother/son relationship will never be the same. Also since our granddaughter is half Korean, I am concerned that she may also feel that she is somewhat of an undesirable person.


This is a highly emotionally charged situation. Can you please provide me with some guidance?

Answer:

There are two things we MUST give our children: roots and wings. The ROOTS are to provide a firm moral, ethical, positive value-orientation platform on which to grow. The WINGS are to release the child and give her/him her/his own head and allow them to pursue THEIR dreams. We do not bring children into this world so that we can control them and realize our own ambitions through them. We bring children into this world to function as unique individuals who will contribute to the success of this planet in her/his own special way.

A parent WANTS two things for her/his child: success and happiness. The Late Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King said something to the effect of “Success is not to be measured by the station one has attained in life, but by the obstacles one has overcome in attaining that station.” Your child has obviously overcome numerous obstacles in his success in being more concerned about character than color. It is apparent that he was not raised in an egalitarian environment by modern thinking persons. You can certainly learn something here, as can a great many of the world’s population. Your child’s brand of HAPPINESS can only be identified by him – it is not up to you to dictate the terms of his happiness.

You have an opportunity here to develop a stronger relationship with your son and granddaughter as well as any woman with whom he may choose to share his life. On the other hand, your attitude could push both of them away.

While racism is something that all people of color have to deal with, you can choose to act differently. Regardless of how others might treat her, your love and acceptance could make all the difference in the world to your granddaughter.

It is up to you to decide what is more important to you: public appearances or a loving relationship with your child and grandchild. For your own sake, I hope both you and your wife make the right choice.

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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