Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I recently became romantically involved with a very close friend. We’re progressing into a relationship and sex is already an issue. It’s gotten to the point where we want each other so badly that not having sex is nearly unbearable. But the thing is, even though my body is ready to sleep with him, I know that my heart would suffer if I do.
You should know that I’m a virgin (but he’s not). I’ve always felt I wanted to lose my virginity to a guy that I was in a loving, committed, long-term relationship with. And ironically I’ve been in that situation before, but I wasn’t ready to sleep with my boyfriend at the time. And now that I feel ready, it’s become very difficult waiting for the right time and circumstance.
I really want to wait as long as possible before sleeping with him, but I don’t want to seem like a tease and I’m not sure how patient he’s willing to be. What should I do?
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Then wait. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured, coerced, begged, whined, explained, nagged or any other way manipulated into having sex that you don’t really want to have.
You only get ONE first time! You want it to be very, very special with a man you truly love and adore AND whom you know without a doubt loves and adores you. And remember, once you do it, every guy you date after that will expect you to sleep with him too since you did it with the last dude.
Lastly, "recently" is not an indicator of a loving, committed relationship. It’s just an indicator of hormones gone buck wild and teenaged horniness.
If this is an issue that frightens and confuses you, back off from being alone with him. Be around lots of other people on any dates you have. Drive your own car to meet him. Don’t let him come over and don’t you go to his place. Makes it much easier to keep your clothes on that way, and thus for you to maintain the boundaries you need for your mental health and emotional security.