Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I fell in love with an older woman. I’m 20 and she is close to 40. I know it sounds crazy, but she is all I want in my life. She isn’t married, but she doesn’t know how I feel about her. We are friends at the moment, and I don’t know if I should tell her or how I should do it. I think I can’t live without her anymore. I was in love before, but I think that I’ve never felt anything like this for anyone in my entire life. That is why I just can’t turn away and forget about everything. I think that she feels something for me, but I’m not sure. What should I do?
Well, think about it…. you tell her that you love her, what reaction are you expecting? Realistically speaking, what is it that a young man, just out of his teens, has to offer a mature woman of 40?
Can you meet her security needs? Are you planning to raise a family with her? Can you see yourself growing old together? Are you prepared to carry your end of the relationship financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? What do you two really have in common that could be used to build a solid relationship on? Or is this attraction more a sex-based physical attraction?
Sometimes we want most what we know we don’t need or can’t have. Commitment issues are always in question when a man or woman wants someone that they know deep down inside is an inappropriate choice in a mate.
Sometimes we feel things that just don’t make sense for us in the long run, and a reality check by a disinterested outside party helps to refocus our energies on positive growth instead of an obsessive fixation on an inappropriate choice of partners. Hopefully I’ve provided that perspective for you.