Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m having a problem with this guy I’m dating. We’ve only been dating for 2 months but it’s just bugging me. He tends to like to order for me. I know you might say I’m overreacting but he never lets me order for myself. For example, I don’t like fish but when the waiter came he said we’ll have the fish, I said “no, I don’t like fish and I sometimes have like a semi-break out,” he said “no you’ll like it!” I said no again and he totally disregarded me and told the waiter “she’ll have the fish.”
Another time he did the same thing and I put my foot down “I don’t like chicken!” To my surprise when I came back from the wash room there was that damn chicken. When I talked to him about it he said, “I just do what I think is best for you.”
Another problem is that he keeps inviting himself to my family functions and recently called to see what I’m wearing, just to see if it’s “appropriate.” Am I overreacting here? Or is something off?
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
He is a control freak. I would dump him immediately if I were you. This kind of behavior is establishing a dangerous trend. Any man that tries to control what you eat, and tells you that you will like to be broken out and itchy because that is what HE wants is insane. A man that calls to check what you are wearing is trying to undermine your confidence and establish himself as the decider of your entire life. Next thing he is going to tell you that you can’t leave him because he knows you will be happier with him, that he is the best thing for you, etc. It’s time for him to go before you get in too deep.
In the event you run into a guy like this again, here are some suggestions for how to handle him.
When the waiter comes and he tries to order for you again, you just say “look dude. Do you want me to stay here and have dinner with you or not? If you want to insist that I eat food that I think is nasty, I am going to get up and leave. Then you can eat by yourself while I go to a restaurant and order exactly what I like. Otherwise, I will order what I want to eat and sit here with you. Those are your two choices. Which will it be?”
About your clothes, you say “look dude, I have been dressing myself since I was two years old. If you don’t like what I have on when you get here to pick me up, you can get back in your car and go by yourself. I wear what I want to wear, just like you do!”
Should he order something you don’t like and it appears on the table in front of you in spite of your protestations, all you had to do was wave the waiter over and give the plate to him and say “I told him I don’t want any nasty chicken, but since he seems to be hard of hearing, I would like you to take this back. I’ll have the (whatever you wanted) instead. Thanks!”
You are being too nice and allowing this nonsense to continue. Put your foot down and tell him if he doesn’t stop trying to be your Daddy, you will have no choice but to break things off. Normal women have no interest in being romantic with their father.