Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My 22 year old boyfriend is a commitment-phobe. But I have been pressing him for some kind of commitment. He recently said he would marry me if I agreed to have sex with him everyday for the rest of our lives no exceptions. I’m 19 now and ready to move forward. But I don’t understand what he means. What does that mean?
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Though I understand many wives have a similar policy and say that it keeps their husband happy, that isn’t what such an agreement means in my eyes. To me it means if you agree to marry him under this mandate, you are truly desperate. It also means you are turning over control of your body to a man in exchange for the servitude of being his wife. Does it really mean that much to you to be married at the age of 19? Don’t you have other things you want to do with your life and time than be a wife?
You are very young and don’t realize what a trap you are setting for yourself. No matter how you feel, or how he treats you, you would have signed your body over to him and feel obligated to have sex with a man that you may not even be able to stand sometimes!
A commitment phobic is no one that ANY woman should want to marry. Pressing a man for a commitment is no way to get one anyway. You might succeed in getting him to marry you, but what you really want is for him to love you, be devoted to you, and to want to be with you more than he wants to be with anyone else. If you don’t have that kind of feeling with him, if a man is not voluntarily giving that side of himself to you, then you will have nothing but a piece of paper.
What joy is there in a marriage license with no strong commitment and feeling behind it?
If you have been dating him for more than a year and he is not thinking of anything long-term with you, then its time to break free and start dating other guys. Don’t waste years and years of your youth on a man that doesn’t want what you want out of life.
Because the real deal is that when a man says he doesn’t want a commitment, it really means he doesn’t want a commitment with YOU.