Your Ad Could Be Here
By February 4, 2012

How do I tell my female friend that I’m in love with her?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have a long time family friend who I have always had a thing for. She is about to head off to college and is struggling with her current relationship. I will have to admit that I feel strongly for this girl. We have been very close on a friendship level for several years, and we get along very well.

I have always wanted to date her and it has never happened. I’m pretty sure she knows I feel this way and she is quick to avoid it when it is brought up. I have blurted out to her when we are together that “I will marry you someday” or little things like that, which I feel was probably a mistake.

Recently she went through a rough relationship experience in which she cheated on her boyfriend with one of my close friends. When tension was most heated she turned to me for advice and we had a very deep conversation. Since that time she has really avoided me and I don’t understand why. I’m trying to keep it brief but I can give you as much information as you need about our relationship or about her. I just really need your help. I don’t want to lose this girl and it kills me everyday I am without her.

Signed,
Dying Inside

Dear Dying Inside:
She is avoiding you honey because she is embarrassed. I mean, it’s great that you two are so close that she could be fully open with you about her behavior. But by that same token she is ashamed, confused, embarrassed. Her life is about to change and she is leaving home… she is probably excited but also afraid. Lots of emotions as one head’s off to college. You realize that when you come back things will never be QUITE the same. Growing up means you make a lot of mistakes and do a lot of dumb, embarrassing shit. And it isn’t always fun either.

What she needs most from you right now is lightness. Let her avoid you, she has to grow comfortable with herself and how she spilled her guts. When she does contact you, be friendly and funny – completely non-threatening. And be sure to get her contact information before she goes off.

Try email – it’s easier and less intimidating than phone calls. You can regularly send her little update emails on mutual friends and the crazy stuff your families are doing, funny stories, news items of interest to her studies, jokes, pictures. You want to maintain a sense of contact and friendship WITHOUT pressuring her. You want to be there but not mashing her.

After awhile you can suggest a visit up to her college so she can “show you around.” If that goes well, you slowly begin to make your move. You have the jump on new guys because you know her so well. That is a tactical advantage that you need to use!

So, when she gets ready to go, give her a going away present. A book which she would find inspiring and motivational would probably be good. Has she read “The Four Agreements?” It is one of my personal favorites. Many young women find great value in books about life changes such as one written by the famous Iyanla Vanzant, “The Value in The Valley.”

Artwork, a plant or a vase are also good ideas. I don’t know her so can’t really suggest what style she might like. But whatever you choose, your goal is to give her something she can always keep and remember as coming from you when she went off to begin her new life.

Facebook Twitter Email Pinterest Reddit Stumbleupon Tumblr Digg

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube

About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

Comments are closed.

Social links powered by Ecreative Internet Marketing