Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
How does a man answer the question: “How much do you love me?” Is there a chart somewhere with the quantifiable data that we can refer to? Is this just a trick question? I mean, if we’ve already said “I love you” to each other, why do we need to have this damn difficult follow up question? And if we manage to answer that one, what’s coming next? Thanks for any help or insight you can provide.
Like a typical man you are overthinking this and trying to make feelings and emotions logical. However, since I am a female with a male mind (so I’ve been told), I’m going to help you out and will provide you with a chart at the end of this response.
First, every woman knows this is a trick question. There is no answer that a man who has no understanding of women’s emotional needs will be able to provide which satisfies her. A woman asking “how much do you love me?” is generally a sign of something missing and someone looking for reassurance. What she is really asking might be:
- Do you love me enough to stop seeing other women?
- Do you love me enough that you won’t judge my sexuality and embrace it with me?
- Do you love me enough that I can let down my guard and trust you with all my heart?
- Do you love me enough to never hurt me?
- Do you love me enough to marry me?
I think if she isn’t feeling loved, appreciated or secure in the relationship, it would be much more productive for her to come out and say so, to give you a frame of reference. In the meantime, you’re thinking “if she is asking a legitimate question, why does she feel the need to measure your love?” She’s thinking “why can’t he be more romantic and tell me what is in his heart?”
In reality, the amount of love a man feels for his woman cannot be explained in words by the average guy who is not a gifted writer, orator or poet. I believe men show their love through ACTIONS – the things he does to support his woman’s success, make her life easier, and to protect her from harm.
So for you sir, the best answer would be to pull her in tight to your chest, give her a hug and a kiss, then tell her “I’m not good with words, but if you are patient, I will show you how much I love you.” If that does not suffice, tell her with a big smile that you have prepared a spreadsheet and bar chart, then give her the image below.
If that STILL isn’t enough for her, it’s time to sit her down and ask what the real problem is. Patiently listen and wait for her to find her words. Your goal is to make sure that there aren’t some deep seated insecurities which will wreck havoc in your relationship in other ways down the line. There are some women who carry childhood emotional wounds caused by neglect or abuse into adult romantic relationships; without therapy those women won’t feel loved no matter what a man does or says, because they don’t truly love themselves.