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By August 30, 2013

I Give and Give but Get Nothing in Return

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m in love with a man who also has feelings for me, but has been hurt and damaged so much in the past that he feels unworthy. We are both the same age (36), single, with no children. We co-own a business together with a few other people, so we see each other every weekend. Everyone else around us is married, so we often find ourselves in situations where we are coupled off. I do the things for him that the other  wives do for their men. I feel like I don’t want to give up on him because he seems to be coming around. But lately, I just feel stupid because I give and give but pretty much get nothing in return. Should I hang in there or move on??

Signed,
Discouraged

Dear Discourged:
This is a sad situation from which you should have moved on ages ago. Why are you wasting time loving someone who doesn’t love you back?

Let me share a story with you that someone sent to me a week or so ago which illustrates why what you are doing is not a wise decision…

“A woman we’ll call Bernadette was an average looking lady… not a beauty but easy on the eyes. For years there had been a guy (we will call him Rodger), who she had kinda kicked it with.  They would date and then he would wander off with some honey or another.  Then when that didn’t work out he would pop back up and Rodger and Bernadette would keep company again. This went on for about 8-10 years, and Rodger always joked that when all else failed they would end up together by default when neither one could find another mate. black-woman-moving2

Well one day a mutual friend got Bernadette to try on line dating with some trepidation she did it and started talking to a few guys and then narrowed it down to one guy , they chatted for a while and then met for coffee and then dinner and then an away date to Santa Barbara. Long story short they ended up getting married after a year.

Sooo, she and her new husband were packing to move to their new home … because now that they were married he wanted to provide them with larger digs. While they were packing Rodger calls out of the blue… and Bernadette told him ohh my goodness I ‘m glad you called now cause me and my husband are in the process of moving to our new home and if you had called a day later you would have missed me…. There was silence on the other side of the phone….

Cause see Rodger thought that because he didn’t value Bernadette, of course nobody else did. And since he felt that and took her for granted…he figured she would always be there waiting while he ran through all the women who didn’t want his ass. I laughed so hard.”

So see, that could be you – happily married to a loving husband, moving to a new home to start your life with your man. Except you are wasting time chasing after a sometimey chump that doesn’t want you.

 

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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