Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Recently I’ve met this girl who I’ve fallen head over heels for, but there is only one thing stopping me from pursuing. She has a boyfriend she has been dating for about 2 years.
I’ve been told by her friends that he doesn’t treat her the way she should be treated and doesn’t appreciate her at times. I know I could be a better boyfriend than the one she has now, but I don’t want to be a “home wrecker”. I know I want to be with her though.
Should I tell her how I feel or wait it out and hope for a break up, possibly missing out on the opportunity? Thank you so much for your time. I look forward to hearing what you think!
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
It is at times like this that young men need to learn to think with their big head, not their little one. Because thinking with the head below the waist is about to get you into a pile of big stinky doo doo.
Looking at this objectively, I’ve wondering what it is you are basing this “falling head over heels for” when you admit you just met the woman and don’t really know her. You can’t have spent that much time with her (like on dates) because she has a man that she spends time with. So to me that means the largest percentage of your attraction to her is physical.
Secondly, she’s been dating the same guy for two years. That to me indicates that she is in love with this guy, and views her relationship with him as pretty serious. Now if you were to go and tell her how you feel, what do you think is going to happen? Let’s look at the possibilities.
- She is happy you admitted it so she can tell you that she fell madly in love with you the first time she laid eyes on you. She was just waiting for you to step forward so that she could leave her relationship of two years, fall into your arms, and you two live happily ever after;
- She tells you that you are weird and creepy and you know she already has a boyfriend so GTFOH. She tells all your friends what a creeper you are;
- She says she wanted to break it off with him anyway but was scared to be alone until someone came to save her with his Captain Save a Ho cape on so she dumps him and gets with you, but she never stops loving him; or
- She stares you in the eye and asks you why you think she care how you feel when she has a man she is in love with. She tells her boyfriend and he and some of his friends jump you and beat you down to the ground for coming at his girl behind his back and disrespecting him.
So see, scenario #1 is your big fantasy, and #2-4 are more likely to be your reality. Anyway, would you really want to be the rebound man? Girls that bound to the next guy after a long relationship always continue to have feelings for the other guy. Some of them break off the new relationship and go back to the old guy because they know him better and the relationship is more comfortable – no matter how dysfunctional and unsatisfying it may be in parts. Obviously there is still enough there that is holding her interest.
Lastly you have to consider this fact: how much would you trust a woman that you could steal way from another guy with a few words of flattery? Wouldn’t you be concerned that someone else could do the same thing to you? How could you ever really trust her when you got her under shady circumstances?
All in all dude, this is a bad move and a plan that should never come to fruition. If you hear that they broke up and she is dating around, THEN make a move. In the meantime, try to find out more about her. Sometimes this instant infatuation goes up in smoke when people get to know each other better and realize all that glitters ain’t golden.
Category: Daily Advice Questions