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By May 7, 2010

Interracial Dating: Why Black Women Date Interracially

Why Black Women Choose to Date Interracially
The Troubling Reasons

©2002, 2010 by Lelia O. Jackson

It was six a.m. and rush hour in New York City.

The crowded subway was packed like a can of sardines. As the train neared the next station, a man got up from his seat and stood by the door. A little old lady approached the empty seat. A well-dressed brother came from what seemed like out of nowhere, sat in that seat and opened his Wall Street Journal. He did not look up at the old woman who was now standing up in front of him.

This sister and I were sitting facing this atrocity. We looked at each other and she said very angrily “He would have given that woman the seat had he been white” I shook my head and replied “That’s a damn shame” I am sad to say it really was.

However, I have seen white men do the same thing. The woman’s statement was false.

I got up and gave the old woman my seat. What could that man have been thinking?

In campaign 2000 we were told to stay out of the bushes. One year later it’s stay out of the jungle. Fellas come out of the jungle because some sistah’s are peeking in and a few have succumbed to the fever. Ladies I don’t have a problem with interracial dating. As a true romantic I do believe love is where it finds you. Color is not an issue. I do have a problem with some of the reasons, especially the following:

“I exclusively date white men because black men are dogs!” The color of a dog does not determine his loyalty. Does it?

“All the good educated black men are married or in serious relationships “ There are single brothers out there who are in the category of none of the above and all professional men are not white.

“White men know how to respect their women and treat them better!” I suppose this is a subjective statement and the term depends on what you mean. You see disrespect is universal.

“Black men have no money. Besides, they all pay child support!” White men pay child support and alimony as well. Just because the man is white does not mean he has the green. What happened to love? No, it doesn’t pay the rent, but it helps to have someone that will go that extra mile because he loves you. Would a sistah be considered brain dead if her decision was to be with a hard working black man that loves her? Provides for her?

“I’m tired of struggling that’s why I would rather have a white man!” There is nothing wrong with being tired and wanting to relax a bit. Remember there are all kinds of struggles. White folk struggle just like the rest of us.

“The white men either have money or could teach you how to make money or both!"  Say what!?!

“White men are not demanding.”  Say what!? Again!! The relationship alone is demanding. There are two worlds to contend with. That is demanding.

“Black men always start arguments at Christmas, and apologize after New Year’s. The holidays are never mentioned until they roll around again, and then there is another round in the ring like the year before.”  The thing is some of us fall for the same stuff year after year then complain about it. Sometimes it’s best to simply let go if the pattern continues.

“Brothers stay in relationships with black women until they become successful. The first thing they do is dump the woman that hung in there with him broke, on the brink of starvation and bankruptcy. Some white woman reaps the rewards of his success. Let’s face it. She would not have given the brother a second look if he were broke. I’m not going to subject myself to that!"  Some men seem to have a woman of a different race as a symbol of prestige or as something that he could never have. This does not justify having a mate for the sole purpose of showing off.

Yes this does happen. It happens quite a bit and yes the sistahs are taking notice. Does it make it any better if we do the same thing? Wanting to taste the forbidden fruit is (so to speak) is not a good reason to enter into a relationship that will have an impact on your entire life. In the case of the brother the impact will be on his wallet.

“I’m looking for better things in life. That’s why I date white!” Think of a soft-boiled egg. Can you tell if the yoke is done from the outside of the shell?

Some things to think about:

Why do we (black women) perm and weave our hair? Is it because we want long luxurious hair?

Why do some of us wear contacts to change the color of our eyes? Green? Blue? Hazel?

We get angry with the brothers dating white or interracially, yet we do all the things that make us look like the women we bitch about. Does that make us beautiful?

Are we subconsciously trying to attract the brothers by transforming ourselves into what we think they want?

At the same time white people spend hours in the sun to darken their skin. They braid their blond hair and the sistahs do the same. Aren’t we all creating an illusion?

Somebody help me understand this mess. I am confused.

When we are successful at getting what we want, as time goes by we tend to let ourselves go. The man comes home from work or he comes by for a visit and what doe he see? The house is a mess and dinner is not prepared. Furthermore, his woman may be wearing a scarf on her head to protect that new weave, wearing an oversized sweat suit, and less than attractive in appearance.

Let’s not forget going to bed with the rag on the head. We tend to get a bit lax or should I say comfortable with someone as we get to know him or her. Some of us work very hard. At the end of the day we are tired and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s okay. Sometimes we dress the way we feel. That is okay too sometimes, but we can’t take for granted that the man does not care and will be with us forever. He does take notice. We can often focus on ourselves and forget about those around us. Stuff happens. You know?

Putting on something sexy and being a little attentive is okay too. Doing something creative every now and then to maintain his interest can’t hurt.

If every black man or woman that you were in a serious relationship with fizzled out, perhaps a closer look at the type of partner being chosen should be examined. The reasons why you chose that particular person may be significant. He is so fine or he’s a doctor, or she has a nice butt or he has a nice butt should not be the sole reason for entering into a relationship. The race he or she is should not be of great importance.

The focus should be on the kind of person he or she is. A relationship needs foundation and two willing builders.

This is not an attack on my sistah’s. I love you and I am a firm believer of the sisterhood. This is just a view of what is really happening. It may seem be a little ridiculous. The truth of the matter is that all of the above reasons for why some black women date interracially are really true. People actually gave these reasons. I find that very disquieting.

Let me say again that there is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial dating. If your destiny should lead you into that direction by all means be happy, but make sure you are with this person for the right reasons.

Hurting feelings is not acceptable. Your feeling may be the ones in jeopardy. Know what you are getting into. The outside of a person tells us nothing about what is inside no matter what color the skin. Making the right choices for the right reasons is what it is all about.

Let us take a serious approach to what we want this year and into the future. Take some time to sit down and think of some goals that are realistic and obtainable. Include the qualities you are looking for in your pursuit of happiness and rejoice. Yes it is okay to be choosey!

The troubling reasons provided above as justifications to dump Black men – do they make sense? Do not include them in your decision making…PA-LE-EEEASE! And remember, men are not fruit, and neither are women. The outside color of a person’s skin does not tell us if they are ripe.

Hope you receive blessings in your search for love. Love is truly where it finds you!

Should black women seriously consider dating and marrying White men?

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Submissions from readers on dating and relationships are posted on the site by one of several editorial staff members of AskHeartBeat.Com. To submit your poetry or essay on love, dating or relationships, please click here: Submit Your Writing

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Submissions from readers on dating and relationships are posted on the site by one of several editorial staff members of AskHeartBeat.Com. To submit your poetry or essay on love, dating or relationships, please click here: Submit Your Writing

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