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By October 1, 2011

Is this love, lust, infatuation or obsession?

How can one distinguish true love from lust, obsession or infatuation? I have these feelings and they are very strong! I think about my mate all during the day, every day. Am I obsessed or in love?

Lots of people mistake infatuation, lust and passion for love. I believe this is one of the chief causes of divorce, single parent homes, and broken hearts people just don’t know how to recognize and differentiate between love and infatuation… love and lust.

Infatuation and obsession are the feelings that you must have or be with this person no matter what. In many instances this is someone you don’t know very well, or someone that has flatly told you they are not interested in a relationship with you. You formed an attachment based strictly on fantasies of perfection or your wishes alone – not matter what the object of your affection feels about it! You cannot think, eat, sleep without thinking of them.

Your work, other relationships, or studies begin to suffer. You may begin to drink too much, cry yourself to sleep every night, or do drugs to ease your heartache. You want to follow your beloved around and be in their face every second.

Some people go off the deep end and become stalkers, calling and hanging up to see if s/he is at home, following them around to see where they are or whom they are with. The most dangerous obsessives are those that decide that if they can’t have you, nobody will. Stories of obsessed men that were shunned romantically and murdered ex-wives and ex-girlfriends or committed murder-suicides have blanketed the news headlines.

Now I am not the end all definitive expert on the subject, but let me give you my definition of what true love is.

Love connects you to your partner in positive, enriching ways. Love is the energy you feel and exhibit which is used, unselfishly, to promote your partner’s well being, success and happiness. Love is much more than sweet nothings in your ear, hot sex and passionate feelings of longing! Love is concrete, measurable behavior and action that demonstrates to your partner and the whole world that you respect and care for this person.

Words of love and romantic passion makes promises to satisfy your needs and gets you all worked up with the possibilities and the fantasies. However, love in action keeps those promises and satisfies those needs consistently, dependably those fantasies become realities. Loving another moves your partner and yourself forward. You grow and develop and change to be the best you can be!

Additionally, it is my belief that not all love relationships are meant to last forever. Neither are all jobs or all friendships. Just like a wonderful book, the story comes to an end. Some love stores do indeed have sequels! Other couples enjoy happy relationships for 2, 5 or 10 years, and then they part. Never look upon these relationships as a “waste of your time.”

If you are really loving and being loved, each relationship you have teaches you something about your capacity for love, helps you understand and develop tolerance and sensitivity to others, and moves you a bit further along the path of self-discovery and human awareness.

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Posted in: Dating FAQs

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