I get very jealous at every turn with my girlfriend. Every time she does not respond to my texts, or when she is not at home I get these thoughts of her being with someone else. She tells me she loves me and never will cheat on me. Every time I get jealous my stomach hurts and I can’t sleep, I feel angry and hurt. I love her, but I keep thinking she is hiding something from me and I can’t make that feeling go away.
I don’t know where to start to make things get better on my part. I try very hard to keep those thoughts out of my head but they will not go away. I asked my girlfriend if she ever gets jealous about me. She said no, and it hurt my feelings – it made me feel that she doesn’t love me or even care. What can I do to get started on getting over this jealous trip ? Me and her have been together for a year now and I don’t want it to go down the drain.
Get a grip son! Some jealousy at an actual threat of loss of something valued like the love and affection of one’s wife or girlfriend could be considered normal. In that instance we may voice our concerns about flirtatious behavior, or question the motives of someone we see looking a bit too happy around OUR partner.
However, the type of unreasonably possessive jealousy you describe is the same type exhibited by people known as “fatal attractions.” Sitting around and getting furious at her about imagined dalliances could be very dangerous for both of you. What you have to realize is that your fears of loss, your fear of abandonment, is what is fueling your behavior.
FEAR = Fantasy Events Appearing Real.
I don’t know what happened in your childhood and who abandoned you or why they did it, but this young girl is NOT that person and did not cause those hurts. You need to get a handle on those insecurities and what they mean, and you need to do it quickly..
Love does not mean choking ownership and control of another. Extreme jealousy does not equal love, nor does it indicate trust. Please seek out a group on anger management (many are run through local courts), or the services of a competent counselor for men in your area. A professional therapist can assist healing, as you uncover and let out the pain you are holding in and fearfully replaying in your current relationship.
If this behavior continues you are going to lose your girlfriend and a part of yourself if you one day snap and hurt her in a jealous rage. I’d prefer not to have that happen to her, and I don’t want to hear about you being put under the jailhouse either. I urge you to seek out someone to talk, and do it today.