Living With a Total Slob

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over two years and recently decided to try the cohabitation thing. In terms of personality, ideals and physical attraction everything is there. We are very open and honest with each other. I couldn’t find a better man.

The problem is that he is a total slob and procrastinates about everything. I on the other hand, like things neat and take care of things early and on time.

How can we prevent our domestic differences from getting in the way of the bigger picture? I never minded his mess in the past because he kept it at his own crib.

I don’t want to become the “nag”, but I refuse to be disrespected and made to feel like a housekeeper. How do I handle this?

Signed,
My Name is Not Helen

Dear Not Helen:
Grown people usually don’t change, which means what you see is what you get. In this case you already know he is a total slob and procrastinates until the last minute, so if you move in with him, you automatically lose the right to complain down the line abut how frustrating he is. You know what you are getting so don’t be crying and whining about it later.

The fastest way to fall out of love with a person who holds vastly different values is to move in with them. If you insist on trying the “cohabitation thing”, realize that it will be a very big adjustment and a challenge for you to negotiate your many differences.

Your boyfriend will need to pick up after himself, and you will probably have to relax your neat freak standards somewhat. It might help if you two sit down and set out a formal housework duty chart which decides who will do what, and when and how. You two need to do the work in advance which will define the steps needed to make your home a happy CLEAN one where the bills are paid on time.

Bottom line: you have to decide if this man with all his irritating behavior patterns and conflicting values is the right man for you. Do the benefits he offers you emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically and financially outweigh his irritating personality traits? If you aren’t sure or you don’t think you can deal with him on the day to day knowing full well how he is, then there is no point in continuing the relationship. He is just not the man for you. However, if the benefits of being with him outweight the negatives, get ready to do a lot of cleaning and assuming the responsibility for paying bills in your new home.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.