Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have done something wrong behind my boyfriend’s back only to find out that he has done the same. You see, I know the password to his email account because he told it to me months ago. He must have forgotten that he did, so today I went into his email to “check up” on him. I found that he had issued his name and set up a profile in a gay pen pal service. What am I to think?
Awhile back we had problems with this guy who I’ll call “Mikey”, who said that he had done sexual things with my boyfriend. My boyfriend denied everything this guy said, but it made me start thinking. I had to admit I did not believe him for a bit because in the back of my mind, I always thought he had bisexual or gay tendencies… I just had no proof.
We have been together for two years Ms. HeartBeat. I don’t know whether I should confront him with my misdeed and the knowledge I have required or what. Please help me figure out what to do!
What you should do is realize that you now have the proof you didn’t have before that your boyfriend is living on both sides of the fence. Don’t pretend that you didn’t know, because you’ve known for quite awhile. For some reason many young women don’t understand that what we call “feminine intuition” is women’s connection to the spirits of other life forms. We can know what men, children and animals are thinking and feeling often before they know themselves, and without them saying a word. You have to learn to trust that and stop denying it’s existence.
You now have undeniable proof – an ad your boyfriend placed, “Mikey’s” statements, and your gut… three things telling you about your boyfriend and his gay sex habits. And in any game three strikes YOU’RE OUT!
All you have left to do is make one decision, and that is if you want to have a man who enjoys intimacy with other men as your boyfriend or not. It’s that simple.
There are plenty of guys out there who are not dibbling and dabbling and living secret lives that expose you to not only diseases, but drama and violence. He would have no idea who these guys are that he is interacting with through a stranger pick-up service, and if he has a big mouth they will know where you live and could bring the drama right to your home.
In spite of the fact that you’ve spent two years with this guy, you two are not as committed and definitely not as honest with each other as you would like to imagine you are. Be very careful. Statistics report that as much as 75% of hetereosexual women who contract HIV/AIDS got it from men in situations exactly as you describe – long term relationships or even from their husbands.
My suggestion is that you break up with him immediately and find someone else that can provide you with the devotion and deep intimacy you crave. But if you need more time to make the decision, be sure to protect yourself during each and every act of intimacy you have with this man.