Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m in a long distance relationship with my guy. We get along very well and have been together for 4 months now. we both met each other’s family and everything is good. The only problem is that my Dad doesn’t like him that much because he doesn’t have a steady job. He used to be a manager but problems came up and he have to leave it behind and continue to work as a photographer, but it has downsides too since its hard to get a gig every now and then. He comes and visits me every month and stays for a week. While on the other side I’m a nurse and as you can see from my situation Im the one who’s earning a lot money than him unless he gets a lot of gigs which is also rarely. But I don’t care about that at all, it’s just my dad who judges him that he may become dependent on me because I’m the one who is earning more money. I do buy some stuff and he does that for me too and I don’t really ask for gifts or anything. I just don’t know what to do with my dad and my boyfriend’s situation.
Dear Well Paid:
Your father is 100% correct on this one!
Men judge other men by how they handle their responsibilities – fiscal, physical, familial, legal, professional, etc. The fact that your boyfriend is content to half work instead of filling in his down time with something more stable is what your father is talking about. Your boyfriend is lazy, uninspiring and one whose character is questionable.
If your young man had his hustle on, he would get a job doing ANYTHING while he looked for something better. Working as a photographer is creative and interesting, but unless you are big time, it’s not steady work. With all the free time he has between shoots he can can certainly work at a convenience store, a retail outlet, a gym, etc. He can do SOMETHING to earn money, but he is choosing not to.
Your Dad sees him as less than a man, and certainly not a man that is capable of “taking care” of his baby. Your Dad knows (like I do) men with that mentality often get with a successful woman then sit back and rest. Why do anything to be more when they have a roof over their head and food in their stomach all supplied by HER? Your father doesn’t want you to be in that situation with a loser leech.
People that believe love is enough are crazy. Love does not pay a mortgage, a car note, keep the lights on or fill up the refrigerator. If you are getting up and going to work, Himself needs to be doing the same. No excuses.
I suggest you have a serious talk with home boy and tell him that he needs to get his stuff together. You cannot have a man in your life that isn’t pulling his fair share and isn’t capable of treating you the way that you deserve to be treated because he is happy being broke.
Category: Daily Advice Questions