Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m a 19 year old student in college working toward a career in law in the future. My boyfriend is 25, and we’ve been together for almost two years now. He’s been unemployed since the day I met him. He had one job for about a month. Earlier in our relationship it didn’t bother me that he didn’t have a job, no money and lived with his mother. I didn’t mind not going out because my parents were so strict. Now that I’m older things are changing, and my parents are not strict.
We are in love, and I’m a firm believer that love should not be conditional. But my boyfriend is not… he tells me that he thinks that I should break up with him because he can’t do anything for me because he doesn’t have money, etc. And there is no possibility that we can have a future together because he’d just be holding me back, and would be dead weight.
This is really killing me because I love him so much. Right now I’m overlooking his financial glitch because I’m not materialistic and I don’t need him to buy me anything. Yes, it would be nice if we could go out sometimes, but I’m fine just going to his house. Should I end this relationship? Am I just fooling myself by thinking that I could love him the way he is in future?
He is a loser and a total bum. Why a go-getter like yourself is wasting your time with this fool I have no idea.
Your parents are truly nice people, because if he had called MY house with his no-job having ass I would have told him not to call until he could do it from a phone HE paid for at a residence HE was also paying for because my daughter deserved a REAL MAN, not a tall child with hair on his chest!
This clown is NOTHING, apparently has goals to be NOTHING and seemingly has NOTHING to offer anyone. He can’t even take care of himself. How can you call him your “man” when he is nothing but a big baby, still being suckled at his Mommy’s breast? When you go over to visit you aren’t going to HIS house, you are going to his MOMMAS house. When you drink or eat something out of the refrigerator, SHE bought it. When he bounces you up and down on the mattress in his bedroom, that is HER bed and HER sheets and HER electricity burning in the television. That is HER hot water and HER soap you wash with and HER towels you dry with afterwards.
He is right, you need to dump him and fast. When a man tells you that he wants you to move on, any time you spend with him after that means you are being stupid. And when a man sees a woman being stupid, he knows he has a green light to dog her out because she is staying there waiting for him to do it. Please get a clue before you get your face cracked.
He knows he doesn’t measure up and he is telling you to your face that he never will measure up, and he isn’t even interested in TRYING to measure up. In two years he’s only held a job for a month? What a loser! Your presence in his life merely reminds him of how useless he really is. This guy is so lazy he doesn’t want to think about those things and would rather you develop some backbone and leave him on so he doesn’t have to feel guilty about using you anymore.
You are being really dumb girlfriend. Love cannot exist in a vacuum. Today’s economy requires that both parties in the relationship work hard to pull themselves up financially. I am certainly not telling you that you cannot be in love, but what I am saying is that you need to be more discerning and choose the men you choose to love based upon the two of you having similar goals, values and morals. You are an achievement oriented young lady that is going to go someplace in life, while all this guy is going to do is lay on the couch watching television.
The feeling of being in love is wonderful, and I can understand why you are hesitant to let it go. However, your choice in men is not smart and further involvement with this guy would take you down a path of embarrassment and financial devastation. You can certainly be in love with a young man that has some sense and is going somewhere in life. This fool will still have his mommy cleaning up his room, washing his clothes and changing his Pampers when he is 45. There is nothing here for you but an enormous waste of time. Please move on immediately.