Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’ve been with a man for two happy years now. I am 23, living with my parents and in my last semester in school. He is 44 and has a 10-year old daughter and 8-year old son from a previous marriage (they are not in his custody).
My parents just met him for the first time recently and were very, very upset. They had known about this relationship for a long time but I was too scared to reveal the details. My parents are very strict and there were instances when they told me to get out of the house, which I could not and still cannot do because I cannot support myself yet.
They want me to stop seeing my boyfriend but he and I have already planned a future together. To me, my parents are very upset because of the financial situation I’m going to be in if I marry him since he has alimony and child support to pay.
We plan on getting custody of the children in a year and the ex-wife is very much willing to do that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to end this relationship because my parents don’t agree with it. I am very happy and satisfied and I see myself married to this person the rest of my life. Help!
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
You need your ass kicked. You live with your parents and are nothing but a big baby. You want to go from being babied and taken care of by Mommy and Daddy to being taken care of by some clown in the same age range as your father. What do you think you can benefit from a relationship with a man that already has two children, an ex wife, and huge alimony and child support payments?
Why do you think it is a sane and sensible idea for a young girl of 23 to give up her entire life to help some old ass man on the down stroke to 50 raise his children? Why do you think marriage to some old dude is the highest aspiration you can have for yourself? What are you going to do with yourself after you graduate from college….work and help support him and his children because he’ll be too broke to do it by himself? Assume the role of cook, housekeeper and nanny in exchange for a little sex and “a relationship?”
You are young and dumb. You are with this guy just to rebel against your strict parents, just like a teenager. Girlfriend, you really need to grow up, stop being so immature and reactionary, and THINK.
A young woman with intelligence would dump that old fool and focus on building a career and supporting herself. She would want to move out from her parent’s home and assume responsibility for her life and for making her mark on the world. She would want to finish school and have some fun before burdening herself with the obligations and responsibilities of a husband and family.
When ready for a family, that young woman would seek out a young man closer to her own age that has himself together and is anticipating a bright future. She would be confident that they would grow together in spirit and age, sharing their lives.
Instead, here you are trying to escape taking adult responsibility of yourself as a grown woman by latching onto some Daddy figure.