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By April 26, 2014

Public Service Announcement #1590 – THE FANTASY OF THE DEADBEAT MOTHER

deadbeat dad, deadbeat mom, child support, using court system against father, keep child from fatherSome black male who shall remain nameless (but who represents himself as an international best-selling author, a philantropist, and celebrity entrepreneur whatever the hell that is), created the meme you see at right. Other males cosigned in angry droves, making statements such as:

“These deadbeats know that they can run to the enemy and use the system to strip the male of fatherhood. It’s a deadly game leading to parental alienation, where the man is ALIENATED from his own offspring!”

“America is producing a generation of DEADBEAT MOTHERS who give life to children specifically for control, financial, and benefit purposes. This is your beloved AMERIKKKA”

Though disgusted, I had to laugh at the reference to the KKK. As if KKK members in hooded white sheets forced them to pull down their pants and impregnate some random woman with a child against their will. SMH.

Anyway, what really amazes me is how many women follow along behind these knuckleheads and have no problem with their endless denigration of black women. They truly seem to believe the blame shifting and whining bullshit that spews forth from the lips of these guys.

All you men and women need to understand this important fact: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS KEEPING A CHILD AWAY FROM ITS FATHER. The meme above is a straight up lie designed to pump people up with misinformation and rhetoric. It attempts to blame black women for the shady shenigans of black males who have no wish to be obligated to or responsible for the children they create. These memes are created by weak, spineless, punkass men who want to blame women for their failings and lackings instead of themselves.

Short of disappearing overseas under assumed identities, no woman can keep a child away from visitation with it’s father. All visitation requires is that the father be interested in and willing to use the legal system to demand his rights. Unless he is a cretinous, violent felon, he will get them.

Even when fathers have committed felonious acts and are locked up for years, they can still get visitation. Unless they were child molesters or rapists, fathers get visitation and often unsupervised overnight stays because child molesting judges approve of the behavior of these guys. Even when a mother has proof that the father is the rapist and molester of the child, fathers are more than 60% likely to STILL GET VISITATION.

The stories men tell naïve Sistah Soldier type black women to get them to feel pity are merely a tool of manipulation; these guys want you to believe they aren’t a ratchet, trifling deadbeat POS father, so he spins fairy tales so you blame the mother of his children instead of him. However, there is no merit to those claims whatsoever. All a father has to do is call the police or Sheriff, show his court papers to the cops, and they will IMMEDIATELY arrest the mother for violating said court order. Then the father can more forward with security full custody of the child/children with the law on his side.

Trust me, this is how our legal system works, and they are quick to enforce it on women. Do not ever believe that crap these idiots are talking about how they are not allowed to see their child.

Child Support and Custody Drama

Let’s start at the beginning. Since we are talking about “babydaddys” and not husbands when we are discussing the black community’s birth rate, establishing paternity is the first step. If paternity has not been established, there would be no legal rights infringed upon and no visitation or custody to be taken away because he has neither right – and he won’t HAVE them until a court says he does.child visitation in prison

Step two is support. From my position as a former paralegal running into family courts on the daily, I saw first hand the bullshit games black men run on black women. They lieeeeee like dogs. The process of securing your right to see your child is FREE. All the father has to do is fill out the paperwork. But see, they get into your business, which brothas don’t like. They want to see proof of your monthly income. They want bank account statements to see ALL deposits and ALL withdrawals, so they get wind of your side hustles and under the table income. They wanna know how much you make — you have to supply pay stubs to account for deductions like union dues and retirement savings, your base salary and overtime. They want to know where you work, how stable your job is, and the name of your supervisor to verify the information you submitted to court.

Then if you want to reduce your child support payments based on joint custody and overnight visits, you gotta talk to the court appointed mediator about where you live and how you live. If you have overnight visits, where is the kid gonna sleep. How are you going to get him or her to school the next day? Do you have day care options? What do you do if the child gets sick on your watch? These men also have to visit with the court appointed psychologist to verify their mental and emotional state. And if the momma says you smoke weed and/or do drugs, you will be required to take a blood test to prove her assertions are untrue.

So that is why these dudes don’t proceed with visitation and fight for custody. Their shit is all loosy goosy and they don’t want to go to jail for outstanding warrants or for the gubment or the child support court to know how much they REALLY make. They don’t want the courts to know how much they REALLY make because they prefer to lie to the mothers about their salary so they can pay some chump change in child support to her when and if they get ready.

Step three is custody. Unless the father has a criminal record of violence where the child was a witness, or of some crime committed against a minor child, or a history of violence, odds are excellent that he’s going to be awarded some form of joint custody and/or visitation. American courts tend to see dispute issues between the adults and between the child and him, as two separate battles.

Now this is where it gets tricky.

The mother can certainly bring up any OTHER criminal history of the sperm donor, but bringing up criminal behavior that was exhibited BEFORE conception works against the mother. The judge will look at you all kinds of sideways and say “um, so you KNEW he was a drunk/criminal/killer BEFORE you made this child?” (In other words, he looks bad for his actions, but Mom looks worse for picking him KNOWING that these behaviors already existed).

This situation makes it difficult for a judge to deny visitation when a mother has already given a fool her stamp of approval to be the other 50% of the parenting equation.

Terminating Parental Rights

Finally, courts REALLY don’t like terminating parental rights. It usually only happens under extreme circumstances:

(a) the parent has exhibited such extreme behavior that he can’t be reasonably trusted to be around children (convictions for sex crimes against children, for example);

(b) has been incarcerated for life and the court wants to give someone else the opportunity to adopt and care for the child as it grows up; or

(c) the custodial parent has married, built a stable home life, and the new spouse wishes to adopt with consensual agreement from the non-custodial parent.child visitation child custody deadbeat dads felons child support child custody

Courts want children to have two parents who are responsible for caring for them, even if they are dysfunctional. Even if they’ve been in prison or the nut house, once released they can petition the court for visitation. So there is no excuse for a man to ever say that some woman won’t “let him” see his children, or that she is doing anything to him for control or personal gain.

Women with children and some sense know the truth. The broads too stupid to file child support on these duckin’ and dodging fools need to get a clue. And the guys complaining need to remember that the laws they are complaining about were made by men to make other men take care of their offspring so THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO DO IT.

Parental Alienation?

The theory of parental alienation has been scientifically disproven dozens of times, yet the fantasy persists as being factual amongst abusive, controlling men. Not only that, when laws regarding child support were written, women couldn’t even vote! So for men to whine about what WOMEN DO TO THEM and how the laws FAVOR WOMEN is crazy and shows total ignorance of the legal process and the history of family court law.

In conclusion, if a man has a child who he feels alienated from, it is no one’s fault but his.
If a man has a child who he claims he “never sees”, it is no one’s fault but his.
If a man tells you that the mother of his child “won’t let me see my child” he is lying, and the blame is no one’s but his.

Because the real deal is this:  Black men do a great job of alienating themselves from their children without any help of the mother or the legal system. They accomplish this grand fete in many ways, the most common five being:

  1. By promising to come to school performances, dance recitals, and games, but blowing the kid off.
  2. By not coming to pick up the child when they have scheduled visitation, which throws off the mother’s schedule, the scout leader’s schedule, the babysitter’s schedule, and inconveniences and hurts everyone.
  3. By constantly being “too busy” to call their child back when they want to talk to his or her daddy.
  4. By not paying child support because they “don’t want to give that woman my money!”, which forces the low income custodial parent to seek government assistance to feed and house the child to make up the difference.
  5. By being verbally, emotionally or physically abusive to the child and the child’s mother, forcing the mother to take a position of mother bear protectiveness over her baby.

Ultimately, the true responsibility for this whole issue lies with the sperm donor who didn’t keep it in his pants.

Really, if these dudes whining about courts and child support and visitation don’t want to have the burden of supporting a child, they need to remember that they had 100% of the power to make their dreams come true!

All they had to do was avoid having sex with women they weren’t married to, and who they didn’t want to be the mother of their children.

That is all. ~Deborrah Cooper


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