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By November 11, 2011

Should I Tell Him How I Feel?

 

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m in quite a dilemma. I think writing about it on here and getting it off my chest will help me a lot as I have no one to discuss this with so this can be a type of therapy for me!

It’s about a guy from my work. I have known him about three years and ever since I met him I got that vibe that he liked me. I didn’t really think anything of it until about a year ago which is when I got to know him better through chatting online. He would give subtle hints he liked me and compliment me on various things but I would always laugh them off and push him away because he is younger than me. I think it was then I started to fall for him. We did speak about the age gap which he didn’t have a problem with but I did and he knew this. He never said outright he had feelings for me or asked me out as such but all the hints and stuff he said in texts etc really made me wonder. So nothing ever happened between us – we just hung out a few times merely as friends but it was so obvious we liked each other.


He got a bit bolder and suggested we do ‘stuff’ – so basically friends with benefits – I am thinking perhaps because of my problem with the age thing he thought I’d be up for fun rather than a relationship? I am just making assumptions, I don’t know. I told him I wasn’t the type to have casual sex outside of a relationship and he said how he wasn’t looking for a relationship. A few months passed and he went out with someone else and I felt a bit put out he saw me as good enough to sleep with but not to have a relationship with. By the time the friends with benefits stuff came up and he had said about not wanting a relationship I felt I couldn’t tell him that I had fallen for him.

Things got a bit awkward for a while. It took me a while but I kind of got over him. The thing is a couple of months ago he started to flirt with me online/at work again just like before. I don’t understand why he hasn’t given up on me yet. He seems really persistent and I can feel myself falling for him again and it annoys me so much. I wish I had been more honest with him about my feelings to start with but I got scared, backed away and now I regret it so much. He’s now broken up with his girlfriend and part of me wants to tell him how I feel but I am scared of what he’ll say and then it will be so awkward at work. What should I do?

Signed,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:
#1 Never tell a man how you feel that hasn’t asked you for that kind of information. Unless you are married to him, he doesn’t care. Actually even then they don’t care. Unless you are telling him that you are horny.

#2 Never give a man that approaches you like you are nothing but a hook up the time of day. The fact that you are even considering dealing with him after he came at you sideways with a friends-with-benefits mentality reeks of low self esteem. He doesn’t think much of you, and his approach was one of marked disrespect. You should ignore him completely. He is a rude jerk and a total LOSER!

#3 Never date anyone at work. Sleeping with, dating, pining over, etc. should all be off limits with coworkers. My father told me when I was 15 and got my first part time job to “Never Get Your Honey Where You Make Your Money!” Dating on the job complicates things in a location that is important for your survival as it is where you make your livelihood. When you have a fight or if you should break up because of something foul he does, you’ll have to quit your job to get away from him and an uncomfortable situation.

My vote is that you leave this alone. He is hardly the only man on earth and you can definitely do better.

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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