Dear Ms. Heartbeat:
I’m lonely. I’ve been lonely for several years now. I’m 24 years old and a black male. I’ve been told that I’m a “nice guy” (not meaning perfect), basically I think it means I don’t have an edge.
On top of that, I’m still a virgin, which is why I’m becoming more depressed as my 25th birthday approaches. It’s not for religious reasons or anything, it’s simply because I was one of those people who believed in waiting to meet the right person.
Now here I am out of college no less, still alone and miserable. It’s funny because now I’m just interested in doing it simply because I’ve never had it, whereas before, that was the one thing I was trying to avoid. I was trying trying to do the “noble” thing, but now its simply biology.
Truth is, I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore. Every girl that has rejected me told me how much of a ‘great guy’ I am and the “it’s not you, but me” syndrome, and everything else a woman says to get rid of you. My question is simply why does this happen to men like me so often? And what can I do to break out of it?
Sick of Being by Myself!
I sought out one of my mature male friends (married for 15 years with children), to help me with your question. He has a son about your age and they are very close, so I thought his words might provide you with the information, understanding and solace you need. Here is what he had to say:
Tell that young man that unfortunately, part of your problem is biology. Understandably, you think you’re missing something important because you haven’t experienced lovemaking yet. Instead of suggesting that you spend more quality time alone with a good girly magazine, I would recommend something a little more unorthodox. Hold out for what you have been waiting for. Looking back, I can say that sex is greatly overrated. Not saying its not good mind you, but not the thing that will affect your life in a way that will be significant.
You should concentrate on establishing some meaningful friendships and relationships with both genders. It will mean that you have to be more outgoing and aggressive. Put yourself in positions to meet people. Attend social gatherings where there will be people interested in some of the things you are.
Even if you have the sex you crave, it won’t stop you from being lonely or from being alone, trust me! Only a good companion and a trusting friendship will do that!
So there you have it. The first step for you is to get out of the house and into situations where there are women so they can see and interact with you. You’ll be establishing platonic friendships so you can get used to interacting with and being around women. You’ll also get to observe how other guys are around women – the ones that are successful with getting women’s attention and interest. Emulate them. Create strong friendships with men and women. The relationship you seek where lovemaking will be an important component of the relationship not the entire focus, will be yours in no time.
Oh, and by the way, be sure your attire and hair are up to par too. Update your gear if you need to or hit the gym to buff up if the bod could be better. You want to hit the social scene 100%, okay?