Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’ve never asked anybody for advice before but I guess there’s a first time for everything, right?!
So here it is. I met my girl through my Mom and when we met it was weird things happening almost as if fate was speaking to us, and the pieces of a puzzle were fitting into place! Now I am the one that accepted her into my life as she moved down from her ex boyfriends place up North down my ways.
I was 17 and she 20 when we met so there a bit of an age difference there but we clicked very well. That is until I started acting like a dummy, talking to other girls at work and telling her lies about where I was at before I reached home. I would then start to get paranoid with how she was looking too good and if guys see her they will try and take her away for the fact that I was cheating and the guilt would just be eating away at me. I became very possessive trying to keep her inside cause I didn’t think it was safe for her to go out.
Somehow the way she feels about me has changed drastically.
It used to be all about me she loves me wants to have kids with me everyday she would say things like that! And we’ve been living together for almost 3 years. Now I find it hard to converse with her even and she says it’s better in some senses seeing that we can just enjoy one another company without all the chitter chatter but I love talking with my baby.
I want to regain to conversation level we had. Before we could talk forever! Has living together left us with a lot less to talk about because we’re always together? I don’t know if you can help me with any of my concerns. I just want you to know I’m 23, and work full time. My girl is living off of me – I’m single handedly taking all the responsibility under my wing!
I wish I could take back the things I’ve done to her in the past I was younger and more naive! I want things to be how they use to be.
Sorry for Being a Jerk
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
I commend you for admitting your mistakes and working hard to get past them. Your confession and desire to improve yourself made me smile. I love to see a young man trying hard to be the man he knows he can be and I would support you in any way I could. And it’s good to reach out and seek advice when you don’t know what to do! It’s even better that you came to me because I am going to give it to you straight without a bunch of yada yada, blah blah blah.
So, what I have to say is this: Your girl needs to get off her duff and get a job. At least a part time one if you are used to having hot plates and a clean house – it’s hard to do all that AND work full time.
But a woman (or man) that sits on their butt watching TV all day, cooking, cleaning, whatever doesn’t get enough intellectual stimulation to make intelligent conversation with anyone. It is not solely your responsibility to carry the conversational load dude. She could read a book, newspaper, online articles, etc. and come up with interesting fodder for stimulating conversations. You two could even talk about some of the subject matter posted on the AskHeartBeat.Com website about relationships, and share opinions and thoughts on those.
There is a whole world of thought, politics, philosophy, religion, habits, movies, behaviors, morals, values, news, medical studies, books (both fiction and non-fiction) and talk show guests to talk about at night. There should be no reason you two are bored with each other unless you are just too lazy to do the work.