Why do women keep picking the bad dudes?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have a question. I have a lot of female friends and I constantly hear them say that they keep getting dog a$$ dudes. Why does that happen when there are so many good dudes out here looking for a woman? If a dude ain’t gotta do a lot of work to lay with you, do you really think he gonna be a good dude? I think most dudes respond to good women and treat them right. So my question is, if every dude you get is a dog or not about nothing, what does that say about you or your judgement?

Signed,
Sayeed

Dear Sayeed:
Though there are some women that have very low self esteem due to abuses suffered in childhood who select men and relationships that reinforce their low opinion of themselves, that is not what happens for I’d guess about 95% of females. Since most men are the same in how they think about themselves, women and relationships, it creates a real problem for a woman that is looking for a “good dude” because they are so few and far between.

Obviously there is no perfect person, but from what I’ve seen about our modern society, there are more men out here focused on using women, playing women and getting as much as possible from females without commitment than there are those that are marriage minded. That means a woman must choose between being single for possibly decades, or choosing a “not so good dude” and trying to make it work.

Most women, out of loneliness or fear of being alone, settle on what they feel is the lesser of two evils by getting a guy with issues and trying to look past them to “make it work.”

Let me provide you with a parable, so you can have an example of how women are backed into a corner and end up making this egg in your face choice…

A woman goes into a store to buy eggs. You really need to get eggs for a recipe you are in the middle of making or because you have a super taste for eggs. There is one store in your neighborhood and you don’t have a car. So you’re looking at the eggs and you see all of them expire the next day.

That means the eggs are all the same. The eggs are all half-rotten. The eggs are not going to be the best eggs, but they are the only eggs available for miles. You need some eggs or you want eggs. What do you do?

The main thing that makes this conversation (answering your question) a waste of time for the women is this:

Women date men. Women know men romantically. Women know what men say, what men do, and how men act in relationships. Women make love to men.

Now unless you and the guys you know are secretly on the down low, your declarations of how many “good dudes” are out here is nothing but conjecture. You have no facts. You don’t date dudes. You don’t sleep with dudes. You don’t kiss dudes. You don’t talk on the phone romantically with dudes. You don’t have kids with dudes. You don’t marry dudes.

All of that means you have NO IDEA and NO FACTUAL INFORMATION about how these alleged “good dudes” treat or talk to their women behind closed doors.

So if women are telling you that there are more bad apples out here than there are good ones, you need to listen. Women are telling you the types of things dudes do and say that disqualify them by FEMALE STANDARDS as “good dudes”, but you don’t want to hear all that.

Good dudes are good dudes and they should be self-directed and self-monitoring of their own behavior, independent of the woman they are with. Any man plotting to get over on a woman, use her, take advantage of her or run game on her is NOT A GOOD DUDE.

If an alleged “good dude” is depending upon a woman to direct his behavior, he is a knucklehead. That’s it and that’s all.

No woman besides your mother should ever have to monitor what you do or where you are or if you are lying or not. Men that believe such nonsense really need to grow up.

What I see here is something quite common, and that is men believing their opinions are facts, and how they see the world is reality. It’s pretty amazing to see so many members of a gender be so narcissistic.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.