Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m 24 years old and recently moved from the small town I grew up in to a larger city 500 miles away. I’ve only had two boyfriends my entire life, so I don’t have a lot of dating experience. That’s why I’m writing you for help.
I went out with a guy recently and we had a great time. There was a lot of chemistry, the conversation was great and we both just seemed to be really into each other. He even kept referring to us hanging out in the near future, but that was four days ago and he hasn’t called. Should I give him a call and ask him why he hasn’t called me or should I just leave it alone? I keep thinking about it.
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
You should leave it alone, and there are three really good reasons why:
#1 If a man says he is going to call, but doesn’t give you a time frame (like on a specific day), then he is feeling no pressure about it. He is not filled with an urge to see you again, hear your voice, or talk to you. He may call weeks later, when he has nothing else to do and is bored at home alone. That may have also been nothing more than his polite way to ease out of the date without awkwardness. He wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you he didn’t want to see you again, which means he will never call at all.
#2 Some men like to play games with women’s heads, so they throw out bait to make the woman THINK he likes her more than he really does. The goal is to either get you to sleep with him right away, or to get you to sleep with him in the future. You would have spent so much time wondering when he was going to call since you two had such a good time, that when he does call you will be thrilled to hear from him. And when he took you out, you’d sleep with him. Basically, it’s a mind game immature men play with the goal of building a woman’s interest and getting the upper hand in the budding romance. His sole intent is to manipulate, control and use you.
#3 Other men really do like you, but want to avoid coming across as overly eager or desperate. So they sit there checking days off on the calendar, waiting the requisite 7 to 10 days to call and ask you out again. Other silly guys tell them that this is the right thing to do. What they don’t understand is that men that are successful in dating often line up date number two towards the end of date number one. And they say “I’m busy with work for the next two days – meetings and whatnot, but I want to talk to you soon. How about I call on Wednesday evening?” He’ll most likely send her a text the next day, saying he had a great time and is looking forward to going out again soon. He is very clear about his interest and intentions, his follow-through assures her that he is confident and knows what he wants, and his positive attention gives her something to look forward to.
That is why you don’t call him. Women should never call a man after a first date. If a man is truly interested in getting to know more about a woman, he’ll call her to shoot the breeze and touch base within a day or two. Men that are truly interested will make that “let’s get together again!” call right away, sometimes even asking for a second date at the end of the first one!
You may have felt a lot of “chemistry” and fallen for his futuristic talk, but on a first date that crap doesn’t mean a thing. He’s just talking because he likes the sound of his own voice. I sure hope you didn’t sleep with him based on his jaw jacking conversation.
In closing, he is not your boyfriend. You two have no sort of commitment or obligations to each other. Since he is a single fella, he is free and open for calling, dating and having sex with other women.
Since four days have gone by and you haven’t heard from him, it looks like you had one date and that’s the end of it. In any event, stop wasting time thinking about him and go out with other guys. No need to tie yourself down yet anyway. Explore your new city, get out and meet people and have some fun. Let’s move on.