Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My boyfriend called me this morning and told me he would call me back on his lunch break. He never did call, so about an hour after his lunch break I called him. He talks like nothing and I just let it go. He says he has to get back to work and he’ll call me later. He never does.
Some time later I call to ask where something is right quick (I just moved in with him and don’t really know where everything is yet.) He tells me he’ll call me as soon as he gets out of work.
A few hours later I call him to see why he is so late, and he says he got off work an hour before. But he should be home in about an hour (he was working out of town it takes 2 hours to get home from where he was). He then says I’ll give you a call when I get closer, so I say no you won’t but whatever I’ll see you when you get home. He then turns it around on me and says if you’re going to be like that I’m not going to call you at all anymore.
Can you explain to me why he is upset and what happened that made this situation my fault?
What Just Happened?
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
He is upset because he feels guilty, knowing he lied to you. He is upset and trying to flip the script to make it your fault so he won’t have to accept his role in creating this messy lack of follow-through.
You have just one line to say to him: “you said you would call me… be a man of your word and follow through! Nothing else is acceptable.”
I understand that he was at work and something could have prevented him from speaking freely at the times you did call. Maybe his boss walked into his office, or someone just asked him a question which needed to be addressed urgently. It is very possible that he was busy at work and unable to respond back in the timeframe that he thought he would. However, there is no excuse because all he had to tell you is “Honey, I’m busy today and I’m trying to get out of here at a halfway decent time. But I’ll talk to you when I am on the road or when I get home tonight.”
If it was a matter of him not being able to talk at that moment, all he had to say is: “honey, I can’t talk right now, I’ll get back to you if I can, but if not, I’ll talk to you when I get home tonight.”
Communication is key in any relationship. However, the problem you two are having is NOT just about a phone call.
For a man to get defensive and try to flip blame onto his woman about WHAT HE DIDN’T DO is a major problem. For a man to refuse to take responsibility for his promises and lack of follow through is a major character flaw. He is one of the many men in our society today that are man-boys, not grown up. They refuse to be responsible or accountable for their behavior, and try their hardest to flip responsibility for every aspect of their life onto women. However, to get the best of your man you must not tolerate such crap and you must demand that he be accountable for his actions.
Time to have a serious conversation about this situation. It goes far deeper than just the phone call, like I said.
You don’t say how long you’ve known this guy or how long you two have been a couple, but it seems to me you should have witnessed examples of this blame-shifting behavior long before moving in with him. If you are just now seeing the beginning of his lack of manhood and maturity, brace yourself. You will either be dealing with a lot of b.s. from this knucklehead, or you will be moving right back out when you get tired of his irresponsible behavior.