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    Why Do Women Still Expect Men to Pay for Dates? Print E-mail
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    Written by Ms HeartBeat   

    Question:

    I’ve been dating women who say they are a “modern, independent woman of the new millenium”...  with that in mind, who is supposed to be paying for the dates we go on?

    When a man and woman go out on a “casual” lunch for the first time, is it inconsiderate for the guy to pay for his own and the women her own lunch?  What are the rules on who pays for dates these days?

    Answer:
    It’s funny… many young women love to talk about how “independent” they are, but on many occasions flash back to the 1950s (before they were even born!) and expect the man to always pay their way for EVERYTHING!  Even though women are now educated, employed and PAID more on a par with men that ever before!

    My personal belief is that in a situation as you describe, it is entirely appropriate for the two parties to pay their own way UNLESS it has been established in the first discussion of the “lunch” that one or the other is “treating.”  When I am questioned about a lunch or dinner date with someone I don’t know that well, I have no problem with asking:  “are you treating or are we going Dutch?”  Clear communication is the key.

    My second belief is that when it does come to dating, HE OR SHE THAT ASKS FOR THE DATE IS THE ONE THAT IS EXPECTED TO PAY.  So next time a woman calls you on Friday night hinting around about going out for a drink, or to see a movie or show, make sure you ask her if she is intending to pay or if she is expecting YOU to pay for the evening’s entertainment!

    Likewise, if you ask a woman out, MAN UP!  Don’t anticipate or expect that she will offer to pay "her half", leave the tip, pay the parking, or anything else on the date.  YOU asked HER out, remember?  We would assume that your interest in her is romantic, and you need to establish that fact right off the bat.  Don't let her put you in THE FRIEND ZONE unless that is where you want to be - make it very clear that this is A DATE.  Then we must refer back to Belief #1 and remind you that as the asking party, it is your duty to make sure that the choice of dating spots or date entertainment is within your budget so that if this date doesn’t turn out to be anything special you aren’t upset.

    That is why I recommend that men do pay for dates, but that first and even second dates be rather inexpensive like a light lunch, a quick happy hour drink at a nice bar, an ice cream or latte, that kind of thing.  You want an environment that is conducive to conversation and getting to know the woman - not to go out of your way and break your piggy bank trying to impress her with your extravagant generosity.  Don't set yourself up by going overboard early on, because if you two DO establish a relationship, she will expect that you will do more and better, not less.

    But the bottom line is this: modern women must adjust to modern times.

    An independent woman of the new millenium has to realize that men are complaining about being expected to pay for dates all the time (though they certainly want the benefits of old fashioned dating, they don't want to be inconvenienced financially it seems).  So that may mean that if you ladies want to spend time with a certain man, you may have to invite men over for dinner and cook, or occasionally reach into your wallet and pull out that Visa Gold Card or some Dead Presidents if you don't want to always stay at home alone.

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