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    AskHeartBeat Column 11-13-06 Print E-mail
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    Written by Ms HeartBeat   
    Article Index
    AskHeartBeat Column 11-13-06
    Page 2
    ImageWhy do women let men get away with murder just because she hears him say "I love you?"  How should a relationship be handled when one person is in love and the other isn't?  Is it easier or more difficult to re-enter committed relationships once you've been single for a long time?  Are men really afraid of commtment or is that an urban legend?  Ms. HeartBeat shares her opinion on the Madonna adoption of a Black child.  Interracial relationships between White women and Black men are not as easy in the U.S. as they are in Canada.  Boyfriend was caught kissing another female and somehow it became his girlfriend's fault!  Never ending drama as usual

    Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
    If you've been single for a while do you think it is easier or more difficult to get back into an exclusive, committed relationship?

    Ms. HeartBeat Responds
    :
    Well, it depends on what type of single you are. IF the person in question is one of these types that JUST HAS TO BE IN a relationship, then that person would easily slide into another one with the next smiling face that bops along.

    The type of single that sits back and analyzes what went wrong, what choices were made that could have been made differently, and what his or her REAL needs are will take time to carefully SELECT an appropriate partner. That single might be a bit more gun-shy about jumping in, but once in would be more committed than the one in example 1 above who is there out of desperation, not choice.



    Dear Ms. HeartBeat
    :
    It has recently come to my very cynical attention that men say and use the phrase "I love you" for a couple different reasons.  This is not talking about the guys who say it, actually mean it, and back their words up with action.  I am talking about the fake ones.  Here are two reasons I came up with:  (1) to get sex because if they love you, it's ok to have sex with them; and (2) to get women to accept less-than-acceptable behavior.  Because if they say they love you, then you should just relax and be content and not worry about what they're doing, whether they call or whether they make an effort to see you. The "I love you" is like a get-out-of-jail-free card.   What do you think?

    Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
    Women that think just because a man says I LOVE YOU that he should be given a pass to the booty, a pass on treating her right, or be given her money, time, energy or allowed to move in or any of that are fools.  Men say I LOVE YOU to get what they want from women because it works! Some women hear I LOVE YOU and they lose their damn minds! All signs of logic and reason and brain power go flying out the window because HE LOVES ME. (barf)  Keep in mind he hasn't done jack to prove this, just said a few words. But you would swear the guy was Jesus Christ himself the way they cling to those words as the gospel!



    Dear Ms. HeartBeat
    :
    My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months. I love him so much. We get along really well and have a lot in common, it's just that he said he doesn't love me. He presumes he must have some problem with intimacy because he has no other answer.  It really, really upsets me. I've broken up with him before but I love him so much, and I'm so weak that I end up going back. What do I do?

    Ms. HeartBeat Responds
    :
    Stop telling yourself that you are weak. You’re sending your self image a very negative message. Instead tell yourself that you aren't getting what you want in this situation so his ass has got ta go!  Tell yourself that you deserve a man that is crazy about you, can't wait to get home to you, that will do anything for you because he loves you.

    I fear that you won’t have the courage to leave.  So you will stay with this guy until he meets a woman he DOES love then he is going to drop you like a hot rock. You are merely a convenience for him... what we call Ms. Right Now. You are not his Ms. Right. But he would rather be with you than alone because he gets affection, companionship and sex out of the deal. It's all good on his end!  But is that what you want for yourself? Don't you think you deserve better than that?



    Dear Ms. HeartBeat

    I am a Canadian woman involved in a long distance interracial relationship.  We are in love, and the possibility of my relocating to be with him is very real. The attitude toward interracial marriage in Canada is very relaxed, and I'm worried that it may not be the same in the US.  Should I be concerned? Is geography a factor? He lives in Atlanta, and we're thinking of moving to Florida.  The attitude of other people will never influence my love, but I don't want him to suffer because of me.

    Ms. HeartBeat Responds
    :
    Before you change your entire life I want you to do two things.

    #1 Take a month or so off from work and come stay with him in Atlanta for 30 days.  Live with him, go out with him, meet his friends and family, walk around the streets of Atlanta and get a feel for this life you want.  Long distance relationships are all romantic and shit, but they are not realistic.  You need to live a day to day existence with this man to know what is really going on with him and your possible new lifestyle.

    #2 During that time go to Florida and spend at least a week there.  Hang out, get a feel for the area.  It's very different than Canada!  You need to know what you are getting yourself into.  If you feel uncomfortable, have any doubts, etc. then take your butt back home and don't worry about it.  You won't have lost anything by taking your time and checking things out thoroughly before you give up everything you know for a man you aren't even married to.



            Watch this website for an announcement about pre-ordering your copy of Ms. HeartBeat's 
                                                    new book on dating smarter .. Sucka Free Love! 





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