
Your love style was developed very early in life,
and was influenced by a multitude of negative and positive
experiences. Without exception, no two styles of loving are
exactly alike. While genuine love can only be demonstrated in
behavior, there are many different ways of showing love. This
article is excerpted from the book entitled "Do We Really Know What
Love Is?" and is reprinted here on AskHeartBeat.Com with the courteous
permission of the author.
Overview of the 14 Major Love Styles
©1997, 2002, 2009 by Lige Dailey Jr., Ph.D.
Your
love style was developed very early in life, and was influenced by a
multitude of negative and positive experiences. Without
exception, no two styles of loving are exactly alike. While
genuine love can only be demonstrated in behavior, there are many
different ways of showing love.
- Romantic Love Style:
They believe in love at first sight, and that if love is true, it will
overcome every obstacle. A romantic’s love relationships are
based on very little factual information, and usually end with shocking
surprises and disappointments. Romance enriches life, and the
romantics of the world have created great literature, monumental works
of art, and spark a constant rediscovery of life and love.
- Dependent Love Style:
Dependent lovers make their partners the center of the universe.
Dependents are very jealous and have an insatiable need for constant
attention, reassurance and affection. Typically this style will
assume a passive role and allow the partner to decide where they should
live, friends, etc. Yet they are consistently caring and
supportive of the people they love.
- God-Centered Love Style:
These lovers place God above everything else. A partner must have
a personal connection with God to be an acceptable mate.
Principles related to health, communication, sex, divorce, parenting
and gender roles are lived according to the scriptures. Adherence
to religious guidelines is mandatory. These lovers function best
under traditional structures.
- Best-Friends Love Style:
Best friend styles prefer to relate to their partners as equals,
enjoying mutual support, companionship, sharing secrets and
laughter. They have usually known and interacted with each other
for years before realizing they were in love. Their compatibility
is easy and stressless. Their conflicts rarely involve infidelity; more
often they are about outside friendships.
- Practical Love Style:
Practical lovers pride themselves on their ability to live comfortably
on a small budget. They are very private people and tend to be
disciplined, peaceful and well organized. They like partners who
are self-sufficient and not overly needy. Mates are chosen by how
they will affect their career and future security. These types
often fail to communicate plans, thoughts and ideas to their partners.
- Compromise Love Style:
Compromise styles usually attempt to make the best out of life’s
circumstances without protest. They go with the flow, and
consider compatibility more of a mutual adjustment than a zodiac
birthright. They’d rather have a dependable partner than a
romantic or attractive one. They believe that romantic love is
overrated, and that true love takes time to develop. They will
often settle for partners that are not their equal.
- Ideal Love Style:
Ideal lovers could never love anyone they would not consider a suitable
partner. They know exactly what they are looking for, and will
wait for the one who meets most, if not all of their
requirements. They base their partner selection on reality,
instead of potential (which is much too unpredictable). They tend
to be described as “stuck up” and have great difficulty with
frustration and rejection. They will call it “quits” in a
heartbeat.
- Unconditional Love Style: Unconditional
lovers do not need a partner to return their affection in the same ways
as it is given, or to the same extent. This style is
self-sacrificing and believes it is better to give than to
receive. They often play the role of martyr “there is nothing you
could do to make me stop loving you.” These partners often lack
self-worth and self-love. People with this love style are
basically parental in nature and live their live through their
partner’s.
- Sexual Love Style: Sexual lovers value
sexual satisfaction above all other types of sharing. If sexual
satisfaction is maintained by their partner, any other relationship
conflict can be more easily tolerated and solved. At the first
touch of their partner’s hand, this style can tell whether love is a
possibility. This type uses sex as a general cure-all for relationship
partners, using sex as a substitute for talking and problem
solving. When angry, they will most likely withhold sex as
“punishment.”
- Game Playing Love Style: Game
players enjoy searching for truth in their partners. They pry and
shake partners to see how they stand up to crises. They prefer
partners with a developed sense of humor. Compatible partners
must be intelligent, resilient and able to handle the unexpected.
They seek a worthy opponent in this game of life, in which everyone
participates. They don’t trust others and are generally unethical
opportunists.
- Self-Centered Love Style:
Self-centered lovers tend to avoid intense expressions of love.
They shy away from love, because love translates into being responsible
for others. They are very guarded about personal freedom and put
their needs before their partners. They make few demands on their
partner and don’t appreciate the partner making any on them. They
are too self-centered to keep commitments; they can only give love if
they initiate it and NOT if it is demanded of them.
- Status-Seeking Love Style:
Status seeking lovers are conscious of social rank and standing.
They enjoy being on center stage, and detest the average or
typical. They are trendsetters, attracted to high achievers with
social status and notoriety. Their partner’s physical
attractiveness is also very important to them. Their focus on
achieving social status and approval alienates them from others and
creates many secret enemies.
- Traditional Love Style:
Traditional lovers seek partners who can affirm and assist them in
satisfying their socialized needs as males and females. They are
monogamous and committed to the institution of marriage. Sharing
a home and rearing children is key. They expect men to act like
men, and women to act like women. Difficulty and frustration can
follow if you step outside the boundaries of their traditional social
roles.
- Consciousness-Expanding Love Style: These
lovers are drawn to partners with beliefs and lifestyles which enhance
and expand their self-awareness and knowledge. This attraction is
not only an intellectual or pleasure-seeking pursuit. It is a
reality-based partnership with the primary purpose of sharing uplifting
experiences. They are often moody and over committed. Their
relationships suffer because they get so “caught up” in their projects
and ideas.
Information on purchasing
"Do We Really Know what Love Is?" or any of Dr. Dailey's other works on
love and relationships available on his website Your Love Style.
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