I sent a set of questions out to a bout 14 male friends/relatives of mine who are married and have been for at least 10 years. These men are from their mid to late 30's and older, with the oldest in his early 70's. (Retired and living high). Some are colleged educated professional brothas and 4 are successful business owners/blue collar workers, and some professional musicans. They are married to women who are housewives, Directors of departments at universities, lawyers, professors, nurses, doctors, accountants and teachers.
I believe that I'll take their answers to heart and respect their stance and opinions on the subject matter. After all, these guys are older and mature and have been involved in successful marriages and are good role models to follow. I quoted the answer from one guy who elaborated the most in his answer to the following questions. The other guys pretty much said the same thing but much more succinct.
I asked them the following:
Should the person who brings in the most money get to call the shots in a marriage/relationship?
'Who calls the shots' is kind of an arrogant statement, typically made by the pseudo-macho fraternity house types. A true relationship uses the strengths of both partners in decision making. For example, The person that handles the finances should be the person who is best at math, is not intimidated by numbers and finances, and who is willing to do it, of course. And many times neither party will have 'the answer', so they need to accept that fact and agree to seek an answer together.
What values should couples have in their relationship?
Respect for the individual, the ability and willingness to give and take, a sense of fairness, and sensitivity to the feelings and emotions of others
What does equity mean in their relationship?
As to 'equality', it evolves as a balance between the strengths/weaknesses of the parties involved, so after a period of time, the partnership may be efficiently balanced from the standpoint of the partners involved, but viewed from the outside they may not appear to be so, especially in the eyes of those 'with-it' types. What matters is, is it working for the principals? Most young people entering marital relationships for the first time... neither really knows what it's all about, even though most times they think they do. It's the unusual couple that do it without having to make adjustments to their expectations after the fact.
