The Ring

[Bambi eyes]

I'm just wondering what you all think about how the ring should be handled when a relationship comes to an end and an engagement is broken off? 

First, do you think the women should keep the ring or give it back to the man?

Second, what do you think the man should do with the ring if he gets it back, assuming it cannot be returned for a refund?

Third, women, would it be offensive to you to be given the same engagement ring that was given back to a man in his previous relationship? 

Fourth, men what would you personally do if you found yourself in this situation with say a $4,000-$6,000 ring that is not returnable?

[Legacy]

1> Absolutely.. It's not hers & any woman who think she's entitled to it is just a undercover gold digger.

2> It's his.. he bought it. He can do what he wants with it.

3> Not a woman but why should it matter? You didn't have a ring before he gave you one. 1 ring is better than no ring. Simple mathematics. Besides, do you know how lucky you are? Do you know how many women long for marriage & yet no man has proposed? And you're gonna pitch a fit about the ring? Yikes..

4> Well, it wouldn't find myself in a situation with 4K - 6K ring in the first place for just this reason but eBay is your friend.

[devineone]

I was engaged once several years ago.  I think the ring was just under 2K's which is not a whole lot of money compared to what some guys pay for rings but it was nice.  We broke off the engagement and I gave the ring back.

He didn't want it back, it was already paid for and he had no one else to give it to, so I ended up giving it to my mother, who wears it to this day.  It was a beautiful ring, sapphire center stone with two diamonds.  My mother loves that ring.

Ironically, my ex-fiance got married some 5 years later and hired my band to play for his wedding... go figure   

[Legacy]

DO..

Let me say this.. Determining it's worth is based on how much money he spent "compared" to how much other rings cost is a flawed formula. Paying close to 2K is still a lot of money & if you disagree I'll be waiting for a check from you in the mail.

Either way, you did the right thing tho. If he didn't want it, it's yours to do with as you please. I think it's decent that you gave it your mother. Can't hate on that at all.

[devineone]

Hey Bambi,
There is this website started by these two friends, I saw them on the Today Show.  It's called. www.exboyfriendjewelry.com/

Pretty interesting idea.

[Cruzcontrol]

Um he gave it to me right? It's mine, period end of story. It has nothing to do with being some kind of undercover gold digger. I've gotten many gifts from people throughout my life whom I no longer communicate with, do I go about finding them to return these items?? Please. If there is a discussion prior to giving the ring that stipulates the man's desire to have the ring back should things not work out then that's one thing, but it's a gift like any other gift and I don't care what you call me I ain't giving it back.

I think it would be creepy to receive a ring that was originally meant for someone else. That's just me. I figure the ring is somewhat chosen based in part on the woman's personality. For instance I'm not a jewelry person at all, I only wear earrings, that's it. So I would assume my partner would take that into consideration when chosing my ring while another woman might be more flashy and into that kinda thing. A man could buy me a CZ and I probably wouldn't know the damn difference unless someone else pointed it out, lol.

[Legacy]

Um he gave it to me right? It's mine, period end of story. It has nothing to do with being some kind of undercover gold digger. I've gotten many gifts from people throughout my life whom I no longer communicate with, do I go about finding them to return these items?? Please. If there is a discussion prior to giving the ring that stipulates the man's desire to have the ring back should things not work out then that's one thing, but it's a gift like any other gift and I don't care what you call me I ain't giving it back.

^ Gold digger

It's not simply a gift. If someone gives you a free t-shirt, that's a gift. The ring is given to a woman contingent upon marriage. If you weren't  planning to get married, you wouldn't have received the ring. Therefore, if you decide not to get married, you give the ring back.

It's not rocket science..

If someone gives you a college scholarship contingent upon you actually enrolling & attending school & maintaining a certain GPA, you *lose* the scholarship if you decide not to attend or don't perform as required.

FOH trying to make it seem like a *gift* as if he was just feeling good one day & decided to buy you a 4 figure ring for kicks & giggles.

Mofos always trying to get some free shyt. Just go buy your own ring - LOL!

[Cruzcontrol]

Um he gave it to me right? It's mine, period end of story. It has nothing to do with being some kind of undercover gold digger. I've gotten many gifts from people throughout my life whom I no longer communicate with, do I go about finding them to return these items?? Please. If there is a discussion prior to giving the ring that stipulates the man's desire to have the ring back should things not work out then that's one thing, but it's a gift like any other gift and I don't care what you call me I ain't giving it back.

^ Gold digger

It's not simply a gift. If someone gives you a free t-shirt, that's a gift. The ring is given to a woman contingent upon marriage. If you weren't  planning to get married, you wouldn't have received the ring. Therefore, if you decide not to get married, you give the ring back.

It's not rocket science..

If someone gives you a college scholarship contingent upon you actually enrolling & attending school & maintaining a certain GPA, you *lose* the scholarship if you decide not to attend or don't perform as required.

FOH trying to make it seem like a *gift* as if he was just feeling good one day & decided to buy you a 4 figure ring for kicks & giggles.

Mofos always trying to get some free shyt. Just go buy your own ring - LOL!

Hey like I said, whatevs dude! I wish I would get my thongs in a bunch cause someone that doesn't know me thinks I'm a gold digger. Have a wonderful day! 

[Legacy]

Hey like I said, whatevs dude! I wish I would get my thongs in a bunch cause someone that doesn't know me thinks I'm a gold digger. Have a wonderful day! 

Kinda hard to get a thong in a bunch eh? Either way, this is more about women & their entitlements than you being a gold digger. Dem just jokes..

Bottom line, the ring is not simply a gift & to characterize it as such for your own benefit is not only dishonest, it's.. well.. golddiggerish..

[Bambi eyes]

I think it would be creepy to receive a ring that was originally meant for someone else.

I agree.  If I knew that the ring was originally purchased for someone else, it would make me feel like I wasn't special enough for him to go through the trouble of picking out a ring just for me.  I'm real sentimental with things like that...and knowing that would definitely make me feel funny.  Women like to feel like they are a man's one and only... not his second choice since the first didn't work out... which is how giving me someone elses ring would make me feel.  Maybe that's strange. 

^ Gold digger

CruzControl (Newbie)  meet Ole "Labelmaking" Legacy     ...Welcome to the board!

[devineone]

quote author=Legacy link=topic=2361.msg27290#msg27290 date=1212155843

DO..
Let me say this.. Determining it's worth is based on how much money he spent "compared" to how much other rings cost is a flawed formula. Paying close to 2K is still a lot of money & if you disagree I'll be waiting for a check from you in the mail.

Legacy, you know nothing about this dude or his spending habits, or how much money he has.  How much someone spends on an item is all relative to the size of their wallet and their lifestyle. So this is purely your opinion.  Don't wait on that check in the mail.

Either way, you did the right thing tho. If he didn't want it, it's yours to do with as you please. I think it's decent that you gave it your mother.

Why Thank you Legacy, you know I just live and breath for your approval.

Can't hate on that at all.

Legacy finding something about a woman not to "hate on".  Let's all pause and note this historical and Momentous  occasion. 
http://www.fartgreetings.com/wav/poot.wav 

[Legacy]

I think it would be creepy to receive a ring that was originally meant for someone else.

I agree.  If I knew that the ring was originally purchased for someone else, it would make me feel like I wasn't special enough for him to go through the trouble of picking out a ring just for me.  I'm real sentimental with things like that...and knowing that would definitely make me feel funny.  Women like to feel like they are a man's one and only... not his second choice since the first didn't work out... which is how giving me someone elses ring would make me feel.  Maybe that's strange. 

Ok, so let me see if I understand this..

A guy buys a ring for a woman ( let's say in the 4K-6K range since you used those #s). The engagement gets called off. The woman gives the man the ring back but as you suggested in your scenario, the man can't return the ring for a refund (which makes sense because that's why he'd have a ring to give to a new woman in the first place).

Ok, so you expect that man, who just experienced a broken engagement & got stuck with a ring, to pay for *another* 4K-6K ring that if things don't work out he could be stuck with?

How about this... instead of thinking about what you want all the time, be reasonable & think about what you're asking a man to do. Dude could end up with 8K-10K worth of expenses & no wife. Hell, if anything forget a new ring & use that 4K-6K for a down payment on a new home, a honeymoon, etc.

C'mon y'all... y'all gon keep women single for like eva with that kind of thinking..

[Legacy]

quote author=Legacy link=topic=2361.msg27290#msg27290 date=1212155843

DO..
Let me say this.. Determining it's worth is based on how much money he spent "compared" to how much other rings cost is a flawed formula. Paying close to 2K is still a lot of money & if you disagree I'll be waiting for a check from you in the mail.

Legacy, you know nothing about this dude or his spending habits, or how much money he has.  How much someone spends on an item is all relative to the size of their wallet and their lifestyle. So this is purely your opinion.  Don't wait on that check in the mail.

I don't have to know that. You said it wasn't a lot of money compared to what other guys spend on rings, not his spending habits or income. I'm saying that's a poor way to judge the value. Assuming close to 2K = about $1700,... that's still a lot of money, period. It has nothing to do with what other guys spend on rings...

LOL @ me hating on women because I disagree with you. Oh wait, was I hating on you when I agreed with you & disagreed with ST & Phil in the gas prices/oil companies thread?

Give it a rest...

BTW, any reason why he decided to marry the other girl & not you? What happened?

[Bambi eyes]

Ok, so let me see if I understand this..

Nope, you got it wrong as usual.   I'd expect him to get rid of the ring, sell it to a friend who's getting engaged, or a cousin or someone... even Ebaying like you suggested would be good... whatever, lets get imaginative... rent it out...lease it with an option to buy...just don't try to pass a ring meant for another woman you got close enough to to walk down the aisle with over to me.  I wouldn't want the ring if I found that bit of information out... that would kill the romance of it all, and symbolically, it would remind me that I am getting someone's leftovers... shoot, she may have even massaged his balls with the hand that had that ring on it when they were together... naahhhhh I'd rather he find a way to get rid of it and then go get me a ring meant for me and ONLY me. 

As for the house and all that other stuff... lets keep the discussion focused on the ring... cause I've got a house, so that frugal way of thinking wouldn't jive with me... you're not going to skimp on me or give me second best used goods in the name of putting money down on a house... been there done that and not impressed with that line of thinking.  Engagement rings have a romantic aspect to them, and I'm sorry but someone elses pie dough crusted used diamond ring is not romantic.

[Cruzcontrol]

What I'm not understanding is why I have to consider his situation at all, HUH? Did I put a gun to this man's head and say "break yo self busta, propose to me at once!" No sir I did not. Life is a series of risks and chances for anyone who is truly living . Really the whole thing is at the discretion of the parties involved. Yeah yeah yeah, I get that the ring is given for the purpose of marriage but depending on the circumstances that caused the break up maybe keeping the ring is providing some kind of solice to the woman if for instance she was wronged in some way.

Oh and thanks guys for the welcome!