Quality Husband Material

[MsHeartBeat]

What qualities behaviors habits attitudes etc. make a man "husband material?" 

This question is for both genders...

Whether you would personally marry him or not, or whether you ARE married to him or not, or whether you are a male seeking to be a husband some day - what do you think are the traits that would make a man QUALITY HUSBAND MATERIAL?

[devineone]

I'll  list some, but I'll just say (and don't mean to embarrass CB), but he seems to display the qualities of a good husband.  His wife is blessed!  Just from what I've read of his posts he advocates for women.

All the other givens,(external trappings), financial security, good job yada yada,.... that goes without saying.  But a man who is emotionally mature and genuinely likes, respects and advocates for women makes for quality husband material.  A man who is ready, willing and able to give and receive love, who can invest in his partner and enhance her life Intrinsically makes for a good husband.

Someone who shows that he is respectful of his relationship once he is committed.
Is in touch with his feelings and speaks up about his needs and wants.
Is a good listener and has the capacity and displays the willingness to be there for someone else, to be heartful, empathetic, compassionate and nurturing of other people.  Tends to other’s feelings, needs and desires, as well as his own and is dependable
All of these are qualities that make for a good husband..... Or a loyal dog of the 4 legged species. rrf,rrf. 

[cool breeze]

I'll  list some, but I'll just say (and don't mean to embarrass CB), but he seems to display the qualities of a good husband.  His wife is blessed!  Just from what I've read of his posts he advocates for women.

Hey, devineone, I appreciate the kind words but I have an excellent role model in my dad..He and my mom are responsible for the man I am today and I thank God for them and the way they raised me and my little sister..

That being said, however, yes Nita is blessed to have me as her husband..I keep that woman supplied with Chips Ahoy cookies, you know..

[devineone]

Hey, devineone, I appreciate the kind words but I have an excellent role model in my dad..He and my mom are responsible for the man I am today and I thank God for them and the way they raised me and my little sister..

That being said, however, yes Nita is blessed to have me as her husband..I keep that woman supplied with Chips Ahoy cookies, you know..

Your parents did a great job and more than that, you listened and internalized their teachings and applied it to your life in how you think and treat women. 
LOL at Nita liking Chips Ahoy cookies.  Over homemade cookies c'mon really?

[mochagirl1]

I know one of the things I really admired about my husband was his intelligence.  He also was responsible financially as well as physically.  I admired how he wasn't all into the "I gotta get with a girl every night," kind of philosophy.  He respected his body too much for that.  Also, I think to be husband material, a man has to have a plan for his life, an ambition, dreams and goals.  The worst thing is to be involved with is someone with no aim and just drifting through life.  A potential husband also has to have beliefs, values and a way of living life that makes him emotionally and psychologically whole.  Because after all, you can go out with a man who has money and power, but if he doesn't have the means to resolve his issues in a healthy way, it just isn't going to work.  I think that a willingness to compromise and set aside pride is also a great trait in a potential husband/mate.  I also believe that a man that is secure in himself has no need to overpower his mate, bully her or tear her down.  He will instead build her up and encourage her.  And last, but not least, fidelity and loyalty are crucial traits in a potential husband or significant other.  Fidelity not only in body, but in mind as well.   

These are the things that attracted me to my husband.  If a man has all these qualities and more, it doesn't guarantee a great relationship (it only makes the work a lot easier) but it could be the start of building a solid foundation.       

[devineone]

I know one of the things I really admired about my husband was his intelligence.  He also was responsible financially as well as physically.  I admired how he wasn't all into the "I gotta get with a girl every night," kind of philosophy.  He respected his body too much for that.  Also, I think to be husband material, a man has to have a plan for his life, an ambition, dreams and goals.  The worst thing is to be involved with is someone with no aim and just drifting through life.  A potential husband also has to have beliefs, values and a way of living life that makes him emotionally and psychologically whole.  Because after all, you can go out with a man who has money and power, but if he doesn't have the means to resolve his issues in a healthy way, it just isn't going to work.  I think that a willingness to compromise and set aside pride is also a great trait in a potential husband/mate.  I also believe that a man that is secure in himself has no need to overpower his mate, bully her or tear her down.  He will instead build her up and encourage her.  And last, but not least, fidelity and loyalty are crucial traits in a potential husband or significant other.  Fidelity not only in body, but in mind as well.   

These are the things that attracted me to my husband.  If a man has all these qualities and more, it doesn't guarantee a great relationship (it only makes the work a lot easier) but it could be the start of building a solid foundation.       

APPLAUSE.....APPLAUSE....WHISTLE....

[devineone]

I'd be interested in hearing from more of the brothas on the forum their thoughts on this topic.
It seems I've read in some topic threads guys comments here and there on what they require and expect from women in certain aspects; but they don't really seem to want to share what they expect of themselves in the role of husband/partner/SO.
 
I think it would be enlightening to hear from them on this topic.  Maybe this has been done previously before I arrived on the forum, but those threads have disappeared. 
C'mon guys let's hear from you.

[The Shepherd]

I'd be interested in hearing from more of the brothas on the forum their thoughts on this topic.
It seems I've read in some topic threads guys comments here and there on what they require and expect from women in certain aspects; but they don't really seem to want to share what they expect of themselves in the role of husband/partner/SO.

First, I don't think one size fits all. A quality husband can take on many different attributes. Now, although I've have quite a few significant relationships, I've only been married once. But, I don't think I'd be much different regardless of the wife. I've got to be me. And that works for some women and for others it wouldn't work.

So, I think I'll give a list that is indicative of what a quality husband is not.

A quality husband is not a whore-monger. You can't actively chase women and be a quality husband.

A quality husband is not physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive.

A quality husband is not reckless and irresponsible with the family's money.

Other than that, a woman has to determine what attributes fit her.

[devineone]

Are we only going to hear from the hubbies and women on the forum?  How is it that the single guys seem able to talk about how women ought to be in order to be worthy of them to "wife" but aren't as ready to talk about qualities and traits they offer and ways they ought to be to make them worthy to "husband"? 

[Scorpio]

Are we only going to hear from the hubbies and women on the forum?  How is it that the single guys seem able to talk about how women ought to be in order to be worthy of them to "wife" but aren't as ready to talk about qualities and traits they offer and ways they ought to be to make them worthy to "husband"? 

Well, from this single guy (who long ago gave up on the prospect of being a husband) it's simple. I 100% agree with what Cool Breeze and The Shepherd have said about being a quality husband. I've witnessed those traits (and others) in my stepfather, grandfather, uncles, and the *ahem* mature  people that I grew up with. Problem is, the women in my generation (from what I have experienced and witnessed firsthand) simply don't respond to those traits for whatever reason.  Fun fact: one of my ex's best friends told me once that she and a group of girls got together to make a list of names most marriageable men (that they knew). My name came up as #2 out 20.

Back to the topic at hand, honestly, I don't know what makes a quality husband TODAY, and, quite frankly, I no longer have the drive to find out. 

[devineone]

Well, from this single guy (who long ago gave up on the prospect of being a husband) it's simple. I 100% agree with what Cool Breeze and The Shepherd have said about being a quality husband. I've witnessed those traits (and others) in my stepfather, grandfather, uncles, and the *ahem* mature  people that I grew up with. Problem is, the women in my generation (from what I have experienced and witnessed firsthand) simply don't respond to those traits for whatever reason.  Fun fact: one of my ex's best friends told me once that she and a group of girls got together to make a list of names most marriageable men (that they knew). My name came up as #2 out 20.
Back to the topic at hand, honestly, I don't know what makes a quality husband TODAY, and, quite frankly, I no longer have the drive to find out. 

I find it interesting Scorpio, that while you say you agree with CB and the Shep and you say you've witnessed quality husband material in your own family, you haven't really answered specifically.  CB never really addressed quality husband traits are in this particular topic thread.  I know what he thinks by the way he acts in this forum and how he posts.  He doesn't say what he thinks, as much as he exhibits the character traits consistently.

Your answer somehow implies that in your generation it's the woman's fault that men don't act like quality husband material or even know what quality husband material is, and have lost their drive to be quality husband material because women don't appreciate it. (At least in your case).

I think who you are, is who you are regardless of the circumstances.  People don't stop acting like quality people because of how someone may or may not respond.  People should act like quality people because that's who they are inside...period.   I hear this rational from guys sometimes.  "Well I'm just going to act like a dog because that's what women want".  Not this woman.  I think that's just a cop out and an insult to their own character to go this route.  Why act in a way that's not natural? (Not "you in particular, but you as in men in general who utilize this thinking).

If men aren't able to self-reflect and answer what traits make them worthy to be husband material, and if they don't care then they really don't have room to critique women and talk about how they think women ought to act in order to be "wife material".  In order to look for quality in others, one must first address it, recognize it, and strive for it in one's own life.

[Scorpio]

I find it interesting Scorpio, that while you say you agree with CB and the Shep and you say you've witnessed quality husband material in your own family, you haven't really answered specifically.  CB never really addressed quality husband traits are in this particular topic thread.  I know what he thinks by the way he acts in this forum and how he posts.  He doesn't say what he thinks, as much as he exhibits the character traits consistently.

I admit, I was in a rush to get to work when I posted earlier. Let me clarify. Yes Cool Breeze did not post specific traits in this thread, however, from viewing his past postings (I’ve lurked/posted on this site for some time) he comes off as somewhat like my uncle. Level-headed, intelligent, humorous without being demeaning and logical. I chalk that up as being part of quality husband material seeing as how my uncle has been married for over 40 years.

As far as The Shepherd goes, I agreed with him because I feel he’s right on target.  What makes one quality-husband material to woman A does not make one quality-husband material for woman B. There are, however universal traits that make one NOT quality husband (or even date) material and I think The Shepherd hit the target on them all.

Your answer somehow implies that in your generation it's the woman's fault that men don't act like quality husband material or even know what quality husband material is, and have lost their drive to be quality husband material because women don't appreciate it. (At least in your case).

Miscommunication on my part. Again let me clarify.  I DO NOT blame the women of my generation for me (or men like me) for not having a wife. Also, I HAVE NOT lost the drive to be quality husband material. I am not a “good guy gone rogue”. I just stopped looking for a wife. Let me repeat.  I have not nor will I ever stop being (what I consider) a decent man. I’ve just given up the search for a decent woman (for me).

As for the women in my generation part, well, this is going to come off as harsh so here goes. The majority of the women in my generation (like the majority of men in my generation) really care about one thing: what makes them feel good. Not honor. Not integrity. Not responsibility or civility. Not intelligence, drive and self-sacrifice.  There’s a reason why you have so many out-of-wedlock pregnancies, women sleeping with ex-felons, men dating five or six women at once, men slumming off of women, explosive growth rate of STD infections, over 50% divorce rate. The majority (NOT ALL, just the majority) don’t care about anyone but themselves and really can’t see beyond the moment.

So to get back to the topic, this is why I said the women in my generation didn’t respond to what I thought was quality husband material. Simply put, the traits that (I thought) make a quality husband don’t always translate into a constant “feel-good time.” Again, I don’t blame them for it. I just refuse to settle for it.

I think who you are, is who you are regardless of the circumstances.  People don't stop acting like quality people because of how someone may or may not respond.  People should act like quality people because that's who they are inside...period.   I hear this rational from guys sometimes.  "Well I'm just going to act like a dog because that's what women want".  Not this woman.  I think that's just a cop out and an insult to their own character to go this route.  Why act in a way that's not natural? (Not "you in particular, but you as in men in general who utilize this thinking).

I agree.  Men who say things like that never were “quality people” to begin with. Just opportunists who value quantity over quality.

If men aren't able to self-reflect and answer what traits make them worthy to be husband material, and if they don't care then they really don't have room to critique women and talk about how they think women ought to act in order to be "wife material".  In order to look for quality in others, one must first address it, recognize it, and strive for it in one's on life.

I also agree with this. This is the primary reason I decided to self-select from the dating/marriage pool.  I refuse to try and convert someone else to my way thinking.  This is also why I try not to be too judgemental about relationships and dating in the modern era. The microwave fling/temp marriages may work for others. It just doesn’t work for me. Live and let live.

[devineone]

... I HAVE NOT lost the drive to be quality husband material. I am not a “good guy gone rogue”. I just stopped looking for a wife. Let me repeat.  I have not nor will I ever stop being (what I consider) a decent man. I’ve just given up the search for a decent woman (for me).
As for the women in my generation part, well, this is going to come off as harsh so here goes. The majority of the women in my generation (like the majority of men in my generation) really care about one thing: what makes them feel good. Not honor. Not integrity. Not responsibility or civility. Not intelligence, drive and self-sacrifice.  There’s a reason why you have so many out-of-wedlock pregnancies, women sleeping with ex-felons, men dating five or six women at once, men slumming off of women, explosive growth rate of STD infections, over 50% divorce rate. The majority (NOT ALL, just the majority) don’t care about anyone but themselves and really can’t see beyond the moment.
So to get back to the topic, this is why I said the women in my generation didn’t respond to what I thought was quality husband material. Simply put, the traits that (I thought) make a quality husband don’t always translate into a constant “feel-good time.” Again, I don’t blame them for it. I just refuse to settle for it.

I agree.  Men who say things like that never were “quality people” to begin with. Just opportunists who value quantity over quality.

I also agree with this. This is the primary reason I decided to self-select from the dating/marriage pool.  I refuse to try and convert someone else to my way thinking.  This is also why I try not to be too judgemental about relationships and dating in the modern era. The microwave fling/temp marriages may work for others. It just doesn’t work for me. Live and let live.

Scorpio, I appreciate your taking time to address my comments so thoroughly. I'm glad you're not a good guy gone rogue.  Perhaps you should stop dating the women in your generation (what maybe 25 year olds?), and date an older woman 35 year old.  A woman who is more in your line of  thinking and has her head on straight.  I think a 10 year age difference wouldn't be too old and hey there are a lot of younger men/older women pair ups.  I know of quite a few couples engaged or married like that.    Besides, a 35 year old woman has not even peaked yet sexually. And she still has plenty of child bearing years in front of her if you're looking to have children.   

Date up man, not down.  Go for an older mature woman who is past the traits of the women you've encountered.  There are women out there who are worthy of a guy like you, maybe you just have to move up in the numbers and date a finer grade of woman.    Don't give up on finding a wife for yourself if that is what you want.  You sound like a guy who has a lot sterling qualities to offer the woman who is right for you.
Best to you.

[MsHeartBeat]

I agree with Devineone Scorpio.  You need a woman that is a bit past your immediate "generation" who was raised with similar values and morals.  I think it would be a lot easier for you to find those qualities in a woman  33-36 years old, not these hotsy totsy confused 22-28 year olds.  They are some of the worst... the MTV Girls Gone Wild group.