Ex Wife With Children vs. 'My Baby's Momma'

[MsHeartBeat]

I was always under the impression that the term 'baby's momma' indicated the parents were never married.  Whether a relationship of some duration existed or whether it was a one-night stand, the parents were not ever together on that kind of committed level. From what I've seen, many 'baby's mommas' also have children by several different guys, none of which they ever married.

But I was told today that it made no difference if the woman was married to the guy she had children by (and subsequently divorced), or if she had never been married to him - she was still considered to be 'a baby's momma.' He said he had heard many ex-husbands refer to their ex-wives in that manner.  He said that even though I had been married and my husband died when my daughter was 6 that I would still be considered a 'baby's momma' by all the guys I came into contact with.

[As an aside, I think he was just hatin cause I told him I would never choose to be 'a baby's momma' and have a baby by any negro I was not married to.  And if I did get accidentally pregnant with his kid, I would get an abortion.  I have no intention of being 'a baby's momma'.  I think he was angry or felt rejected or both, and felt he needed to bring me down a notch or two.  Ha!  Good luck with that!!!]

But to me such a reference would indicate a mark lack of respect for marriage, the wife and the relationship/commitment the couple shared.  In my mind a man that would talk about his ex-wife and his children that way deserves to be divorced!

But is he right?  Have you observed any men referring to an ex-wife that had his children during the course of the marriage as 'my baby's momma?' 

[Starchild]

I think you are correct, Ms. HB.  "Baby Mama" connotes the lack of marriage.  I have heard people refer to women they were in significant relationships with as their "baby mama," but in those instances, it was either a failed relationship or a woman who they had little interest in (and I don't mean just romantic interest, I mean, they had little interest in her at all).  And to illustrate the point, I have heard married people refer to their wife as their "baby mama" in JEST--clearly indicating that she ain't just some baby mama, she's my wife.

[mochagirl1]

I think that  "Baby's Momma," is definitely a term used to describe women who have had sexual (but not serious) relationships with men and had babies as a result.  I have never heard of a woman who was widowed or divorced being referred to in this manner.  Even in cases where a woman is in serious committed relationship with a man, she's usually referred to as "The mother of my child."  I've always hated that term, and can never understand why some women don't take offense to it.  It's irreverent and degrading.

[Bambi eyes]

He said he had heard many ex-husbands refer to their ex-wives in that manner. 

And they undoubtedly were ignorant black folks chosing to adopt a term created by other ignorant black folks who haven't got the vocabulary, verbal repertoire, intellect, or respect to come up with a more suitable term to describe the person who is responsible for bringing a precious life into the world, a life that might just become a world leader one day. 

I have never heard anyone who has respect for a woman or the child they produced together refer to that mother as a 'baby momma', and when I have heard it being used , it has always without fail been either a black person using the term because they think it's cute and have heard others use it,  or a white person trying to mock and demean a black person by using the term.   I do not hear black people or any other kind of people who have class and good upbringing using the term unless they are joking around, acting a fool or intentionally setting out to demean someone they have no respect for... ie: when Michelle Obama was referred to as one earlier this year.  Only a mean, ignorant, classless fool would use that term to refer to someone whether they were or were not previously hitched. 

Ms. H, the man was trying his best to insult you... he is a dumb fool who deserved to have hot scalding coffee intentionally spilled on his privates for even going there with you.     I wonder if he has a name/term for women who raise intelligent, respectful, honorable, hardworking, well spoken, honest, decent, contributors to society who have a positive and meaningful affect on the world and the people in it?  What term does he use to describe them? Better yet, what term does he bestow on his dear mother, a women who whether married or unmarried undoubtedly cleaned the crap from his azz when he needed it done, made sure he was warm, loved and taken care of and made sure that his disrespectful little butt didn't go hungry... how does he refer to her and how would he have liked for his father to refer to her when he was coming up? 

[devineone]

He said he had heard many ex-husbands refer to their ex-wives in that manner. 

And they undoubtedly were ignorant black folks chosing to adopt a term created by other ignorant black folks who haven't got the vocabulary, verbal repertoire, intellect, or respect to come up with a more suitable term to describe the person who is responsible for bringing a precious life into the world, a life that might just become a world leader one day. 

Let's not forget that movie that came out with the name Baby Mama with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.  I didn't see the movie so I don't know if it was a satire mocking what this word stands for. But a lot of people are influenced by the MTV pop culture, celebrity tabloids and what they see in the movies.  But I agree Bambi, regardless of the circumstances surrounding a child's parentage, A woman brought new life into this world and is responsible for shaping and molding that life for the next 18 to 21 years.   I find that term distasteful, contemptuous and insulting. 

To digress a bit, it's interesting because I just had a conversation with a white person about that term baby mama/daddy.   They call themselves trying to say they didn't like the word either because it was 'ghetto".   I told them that I find it equally distasteful to use "ghetto' to associate with negative behavior.  They looked at me puzzled and wondered why? I told her, for someone who grew up in a ghetto, for them to hear someone call a negative behavior “ghetto” is an insult to that person especially if said person doesn’t engage in that behavior. Ghetto is a descriptive word for where people “live” not how they behave. Living in a “certain place” should not carry the connotation that a person automatically has a mark against them and they are less than others or they will behave negatively. Sadly the use of that term implies that it does.  Jewish ghettos were established way back in the 16th century in Venice and of course there were Jewish ghettos in Germany.  In the US, many ethnicities lived in Ghettos.

[Bambi eyes]

Let's not forget that movie that came out with the name Baby Mama with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

LOL!  When I saw the title of that movie I quickly went online to see exactly what it was about.  When I saw white people were starring in it, I was even more curious.  It turns out it was about a white woman (of a lower economic status) serving as the surrogate (baby carrier) for another white woman (of a higher income bracket)  and had nothing to do with the way the term is used in the black community.  But at first I was thinking, now I know they aren't trying to go there...   cause I've honestly never heard a white person refer to the mother of their child using that term except when mocking the black culture... so I was wondering how they'd get away with naming a movie if it was under the same premise.  But just the use of that term in the movie that had nothing to do with married or unmarried, out of wedlock, or disrespect was an initial turn off.  I've always wondered what's wrong with calling a woman who is the mother of your child, just that ...why does the marital background or history of how the child came to be here and what the specific connection is even up for distinction or discussion... does it really matter... is the child any less of a human being and is the mother any less of a mother?