Ohhhhhh I'm LIVID!!

[MsHeartBeat]

I am so disgusted by men I come across that point the finger of blame at Black women as the sole cause of the high numbers of single Black females in the U.S.  They say things like "well if women knew how to sustain a relationship they wouldn't be single!" 

WTF!!???

Don't Black MEN need to know how to partner, be supportive, be honest and trustworthy, keep their dyck in their pants, be a fair LEADER (not the control freak boss), there for his offspring and his woman?  Don't Black MEN need to know how to stand next to their woman, not in front of her blocking her view of the Sun and Moon?

Why is it that these allegedly "nice guys" are so quick to blame women and refuse to accept any responsibility in the fact that their relationships go down the toilet?

[devineone]

Why is it that these allegedly "nice guys" are so quick to blame women and refuse to accept any responsibility in the fact that their relationships go down the toilet?

So called "nice guys' have a pious, but pridefull attitude. They can do no wrong according to their thinking.  They are beyond reproach.  They lack the ability to self-reflect because they think they can do no wrong.  Therefore, they put the blame for anything that goes wrong in their interpersonal relationships on everyone else around them.   They also have extremely fragile egos that get in the way of self reflection, and self-improvement. 

They're too defensive and can't accept constructive criticism for when things go wrong in their relationships.  If a woman tries to talk to them and it's something they don't want to hear, they think it's simply male bashing.  Basically these guys have a subconscious feeling of contempt and yes, hatred of women deep down.  IThey have the attitude of 'can't live with them, but can't live without them either.  They really don't like women all that much.  Some of them must have been emotionally traumatized by some sort of mother figure early in their lives and never got over it so they harbor bitter vulnerable feelings that they never deal with and bring these feelings into their adult relationships. 
There are a lot of broken boys walking around inside of grown men's bodies.  Just as a father's relationship with his daughter sets the tone for how she'll relate to men as adults, mothers and mother figures relationship with their sons, sets the tone for how they'll relate to women later in life.  A lot of mothers broke their sons early on and now these 'emotionally broken' men are unleashed into the dating world wreaking havoc on the women who dare to love them. 

[devineone]

I am so disgusted by men I come across that point the finger of blame at Black women as the sole cause of the high numbers of single Black females in the U.S.   They say things like "well if women knew how to sustain a relationship they wouldn't be single!"

Check out this video on Youtube (before copyrights take this song away).  I’m really liking Beyonce’s song BTW… I may just have to buy “I am Sasha Fierce. 
” BLk women are singLe because they choose to be”
 

Why is it that these allegedly "nice guys" are so quick to blame women and refuse to accept any responsibility in the fact that their relationships go down the toilet?

I think a lot of these so called ‘nice guys’ go into relationships for what they want and for what they can get.  A lot of them know they want a committment but don’t think beyond that.  Many of them have a laundry list of qualities ‘they’ look for and ‘expect’ in a woman’ but a lot of them put very little thought in their laundry list of qualities of what ‘they’ bring to the table and what a woman would want and expect out of them.  If they do have a list, most of the times it will be a ‘resume’ list (as you put it).  They think because they have a job, a degree, money in the bank, no criminal record etc…that ought to be enough to satisfy a woman.  (But what about the woman who has all of these things for herself)?

So called 'Nice guys' put very little thought into personality traits that make for a successful relationship.   Just look at how few men really answered the “Qualities of a good husband’ thread topic’ I wonder if they'll respond in the People Use the Wrong standards to Assess Their Market Value thread topic.  You are asking people to look at personality traits within themselves and reflect on their own personal improvement when thinking in terms of a relationship with someone.  What do you have that would make someone want to 'love you' and not in terms of 'material things'?

Nice guys especially have a hard time doing this because they think that being a ‘nice guy’ is enough and there is no room for improvement.  (At least the playa knows he’s a “bad boy” most times, so he doesn’t have this “pious beyond reproach”attitude that a lot of nice guys have).   

I dated this musician when I first moved to NYC.  We dated for just under a year but during that time, we hardly spent time together.  He was busy about 2 to 3 weekends out of the month with out of town gigs and I was busy through the week with my job, music lessons and other things.  When he was free on weekends, I’d go hang out with him and we’d kick it and have fun but that was few and far between. 

I used to ask him to come to the city (because he was free during the week) and lets meet up for lunch or after my work, that way we’d at least get to see each other more than once or twice a month.  He didn’t want to do that, he said he hated coming into the city (but he expected me to come out to him whenever ‘he’ was available). 

I eventually broke things off with him.  He told me during the break up.  “I don’t know what your problem is.  Here I am a hard working guy, I don’t hang out in clubs, I don’t chase women, I don’t drink, I own my own place. (He had a nice bachelor's pad in Long Beach), most women would be happy with me”.   I told him "Fine then go and be with one of those women who would be happy to be with you".  (He still sends me Christmas cards every year).  See this is the attitude that some nice guys have.  They consider themselves beyond reproach.  In my ex's mind, I was the problem. He couldn’t see what he was doing and that’s why the relationship went down the toilet.

I don’t like nice guys anymore than I like the playas.  I like the men in the middle of the spectrum, the ones who have achieved that balance of nice guy and playa attributes. 

There’s a ‘nice guy’ at my church who has been eyeing me for over a year, he thinks he’s a great catch because everyone talks about how ‘nice' he is… he’s a mechanical engineer’.  He has zero sex appeal…none at all.  Uuh! He’s worse than the 40 year old virgin character he just doesn’t exude any testosterone what so ever.   I hung out with him once… it wasn’t a date but a bunch of us got together after a church event and decided to go to the movies. 

I ended up riding with him to the movies along with a few others.  I swear he asked me every 5 minutes… “Are you alright? Are you alright? (He speaks with a British accent).  I started thinking to myself; if he asks me this one more time, I’m gonna barf all over his spanking nice SUV, so he’ll have something legitimate to worry about.    He was just waay too overly solicitous, even during the movie if I gasped, he’d lean over to ask me if I was alright. 

I started holding my breath and sitting very still (I was even afraid to fart which I probably should have).    Everybody could tell he liked me because of how he was acting.  He asked if I wanted popcorn, I said no.  Then he asked me at least 5 times. “Are you sure because I can get some for you?  I don’t mind.  When I got up to go to the bathroom and came back to sit down, he leaned over me to ask… “Are you alright?  I don’t remember the movie I just remember him getting on my nerve.  Also it didn't help matters that his breath left a lot to be desired.. it wasn't funky but it wasn't pleasant either.

[mochagirl1]

I'm sooo late for this topic, but this makes me incensed as well.  I think men have to be willing to be the kind of men that attract a good woman and not expect a woman to mold herself into the "perfect mate."  I've heard men say things like "I've got a good job, a great car, own a house, how come I can't find a woman who doesn't play games."  I'm always thinking they're probably sending out the wrong vibes, dating the same type of woman or aren't the kind of man that attracts the kind of woman they like.  Just like women can get stuck on dating losers and not finding Mr. Right until they start on self-improvement, men have to do the same thing.  It's no different. 

But to hear some men say it, women have to be supermom, supercook, supercareerwoman, supersexy model vixen, supercaretaker and still go to little Bobby's PTA meetings and pick up the dog from the groomer's.  It's not possible to expect a super perfect wife just like a woman can't expect a super perfect man. 

[Informed Investor]

I believe the foundation of any relationship is communication. Currently within the dating game are a lot of men and women who are dishonest, insecure, hurting, vengeful and unforgiving. Its interesting every male player was created by a woman and every female player was created by a man. When I said there are men and women who are unforgiving I’m referring to the forgiveness of ones self!

People have to learn to accept their mistakes and learn to forgive themselves. If somebody fooled you or strung you along its okay its not the end of the world. Just make sure you don’t repeat the judgment mistakes you made from that relationship.

Both genders are better off clearly communicating what they want up front and then asking their potential partner the same. If you just want sex believe it or not there are men/women who want the same thing! If you want a buddy or nothing to serious the same applies! There really is no reason to flat out lie about things unless you are married. Then again if you are married and want an affair there are men and women who want the same LOL.  It’s not enough to just ask the questions but you have to observe the other persons actions. 99% of the time if the man/woman says they love you but they cannot find time to call you within a 7 day time span there is a problem. They can’t find time all week to call you but do you honestly believe they haven’t communicated with any other people during the same week? This is real talk I have been on both sides of the fence.

Be wary of behavior or pattern shifts. Its extremely hard for people to act like they love you when they don’t. Speaking is one thing but acting is something entirely different.  Usually a man/womans actions don’t match up with their words. This is what causes the confusion. People in love don’t act like people who are just dating.

Where there is smoke there is fire. You don’t have to walk around with armor on your heart just listen and observe more. Remember if you can’t communicate effectively with a person than the relationship won’t last. I don’t really regret any adult relationship I had because I clearly communicated what I wanted. My last girl was beautiful beyond measure but we didn’t communicate well.

If a woman asks me what my status is I tell her I’m actively dating. If my status or feelings change I communicate that as well. I really don’t operate under this cloud of mystery that seems to be so popular right now. With me that is no gray area either you want me or you don’t if you don’t know than I move on simple as that. Life is to short for games.

I don't consider myself nice guy or bad boy. I'm just me. Both good and evil dwell within me.

[Keba]

It gets on my nerve because men expect so much from women but don't want to give as good as they get!!     I'm tired of hearing men say that men wouldn't cheat if there weren't so many women out there willing to cheat with them.  Steve Harvey just made this comment on his morning show this week.  Well, got dam!...how's about men bucking women who flirt with them, how's about men not making any advances towards women in the first place!

Women are expected to be the one's to lead the way in communication in the relationship.  Women are expected to work, take care of the house, the children, the bills, planning family functions, food shopping, cooking, nurturing the children/family, cleaning the house, helping the kids with school work, helping the kids with making decisions, etc.
Women are so the backbone of this country!  It's a wonder that we don't get more love from our men than we do.

[Informed Investor]

After I have communicated all my expectations if a woman continues to disregard them or not take them seriously than I move on. I think people try to force others to change. The more we push the more the person being pushed will push back.

I think the key is recognizing when a person isn’t a good fit. Everyone isn’t going to treat us right but we can determine the longevity of their stay. We have to love ourselves so much that we refuse to allow anyone to mistreat us.