As someone who has had the ups and downs of a relationship culminating in marriage, I'll try to take a stab at this.
(1) What does "marriage" really mean to you?Sacrifice, compromise and trust. People get married thinking that marriage makes life more convenient. It doesn't. It makes it complicated and messy. It makes you make choices you normally wouldn't make. You may have to sacrifice lots of things to make it work, even things that you enjoy, all for the sake of love. Most people can't or won't do it. The second is compromise. You have to be willing to set aside your pride and meet your spouse halfway. Because the marriage isn't all about you, it's about two people making it work TOGETHER.
And another point about pride: never be afraid to say you're sorry and admit your mistakes. You will hurt your spouses feelings somewhere down the line, you will make mistakes, and you will have to admit you are wrong. But if your spouse is wrong, don't keep a list or wrongs or rights. Learn to forgive and forget and move on. And last, is trust. If you cannot trust your partner with your life, your love, your affections, the marriage will not last.
Trust is the foundation onto which marriage is made. And lastly, communication. Marriage is all about both of you being able to come to each other and have honest conversations. Will they hurt? Maybe. Will the things being said be uncomfortable and mind blowing? Maybe that too. But it is necessary.
(2) Honestly assess your motives: exactly why it is that you want to be married?I wanted to marry my husband because I couldn't imagine waking up in the morning without him by my side. I wanted his humor, his intellect, and his joy of life to be with me always. Simply, I could live without him; I don't believe a woman is incomplete without a man. I just didn't
want to be without him. I never planned on getting married, in fact, I thought I would never have the kind of marriage my parents have, that that kind of love is rare. But I found it, and I couldn't let it go.
(3) What is it that you bring to the marriage (and I don't mean chips and cars)?I am a person that is educated, talented, optimistic, joyful and loving. I've always believed that in order to have great people in your life, you've got to be pretty darn great yourself. I try to always try new things, I love positivity and when life gives me lemons, I make sorbet.
(4) What is it that you have to offer to a partner?Unconditional love and respect, as well as support and encouragement. That's easy to say, and hard to do, but it can be done. Respect for your partner is a big thing! I believe that it is best to love people as they are and accept their flaws and faults. If you don't think your partner is on par with you, it won't work.
Women often try to see a guy as he "could" be and not as he is. Love a man for who he is, not for what you believe him to be. Now, I'm not saying you should just overlook bad characteristics, but take these into consideration before getting married. I could tolerate a man with a penchant for slight disorganization, but I couldn't imagine getting married to one with compulsive gambling problems. I also try to give as much as I take. I often try to give him consideration and kindness and try to take an active interest in the things he enjoys and be an interesting person in turn.
(5) Are you desires/expectations realistic or based on childhood fairy tale fantasies?I think I am. I don't expect my hubby to sweep me off my feet with diamond rings, chocolates and violins every anniversary, but if I'm sick and he holds me and gets me soup, I'm charmed. He'll fix the car, go buy groceries, cook and clean without me asking and is the go to person for all IT and computer problems. He's not perfect. At all. But he shows his affections in small ways, and I appreciate it. Yes, he snores.
He can be a little messy.
But to expect perfection is to expect someone who is not human. Because humans are not perfect.
(6) Are you truly prepared to abandon your pride and need to be right?I try. It's a struggle though. I think everyone wants to be right. But that's when you gotta swallow your pride. It took me awhile to do that though. I'd hold on to things for days and we'd snipe and be angry with each other. But once we got to the point where we said "Is this really that important? Is it really?" We both learned to let stuff go and to not always be right. It's still hard, but once you get into the habit you have a lot more peace!
(7) And finally, can you let go of any thoughts of leaving this man or woman, and to roll up your sleeves and do ALL THE WORK necessary to make that relationship last until the day you die - no excuses, no games, nothing but putting the relationship and what it needs on the front burner 24/7/365?Man, this is the hardest thing to do! Most people think happily ever after is just that. But that's when the real work begins. You've got to treat marriage just like it's a career. People make all the right sacrifices for their career right? Well, the same goes for marriage. You've got to be dedicated, loyal, and not willing to give out trade secrets. Do you see coke giving out the problems with their secret formula? Nope. Then you don't broadcast all your business to your friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors. You go to the right people if you need help. You've got to tweak it, watch it, make sure you're on top of all the new happenings and going-ons, constantly remake and reinvent things, invest time and effort, work overtime, weekends, holidays, sometimes sacrifice parties and trips all for the sake of your marriage. It is A LOT of hard work. It is not always pretty. But, when the world is whipping you with a big ole stick and you're afraid, you look over and that person you love so much is holding you and giving you comfort, and having your back, it's all worth it.
