I know I'm late with this.
I was away in Europe when this story broke and I was in shock! It seemed so surreal to me. Immediately people in Paris started breaking out in song playing Michael's music. I was numb and thought it was a joke. Something about being away from my home country made me feel disconnected somehow and my mind didn't register the news.
Then on the day of his memorial, my paternal grandmother passed away. She was 95. My relatives called and informed me. We were expecting it, but it is still hard for a loved one who leaves us and I thank God everyday that I spent time with her last Christmas. I was still numb and didn't cry hearing about my grandmother. I remember watching MJ's memorial on TV and thinking about my grandmother and still feeling all frozen inside as though my mind just couldn't take it all in.
On Thursday I ordered my grandmother's funeral spray through my family and when they asked me what I wanted the spray to read, suddenly it hit me, all of the frozen feelings of grief inside just came pouring out. Tears for my grandmother whom I remembered caring for just this past december mixed in with tears for MJ who I worshipped. (I had that thriller video down, I had all the moves)! I had the white sequinned gloved earring! I cried until my eyes felt like they had been rubbed in sand.
After the tears, I felt drained. I had to get myself together because I had my own performances to worry about later that week. Somehow I made it through. The band and I did an arrangement of Michael's 'Never can say goodbye. We had to scramble around and write out the changes and I had to find the lyrics and learn them in 2 days! Of course we had to change keys. Anyway we pulled it off and somehow the words although they talk about someone not being able to let go of a lover, it seemed fitting for both Michael and for my grandmother. I will never say goodbye to either of them.
I will always remember them for their gifts, their spirit, the way they touched me. MJ through this wonderful talent and his gift as an entertainer and his artistry. My grandmother for her wonderful gift of wit, her good cooking, her safe haven in her home and her love of me.
Michael and Granny, I never can say goodbye.
The Jackson 5- Never Can Say Goodbye