How Much Stuff in Common Do We Need?

[MsHeartBeat]

My friend told me that this one guy I'm "talking to"  and I don't have much in common. I thought about it and she's right. But then I thought about my beloved brothers as well as the men I've dated and even married, and I really can't say that I had that much in common with any of them! I loved them, and they loved me, but as far as us seeing the world exactly the same, enjoying every hobby and interest the same, and having the same life experiences, the answer was NOT!

I asked her how much she thought she had in common with her husband and she rattled off about their life together, their history together, the kids and such. So then I asked how about when you were first dating and married, and she got quiet. They had nothing in common either!

I thought as long as the foundational things were covered - family values, commitment to the marriage, intelligence, honesty and respect towards each other, and a sense of fun that everything else wasn't really going to make much difference. Do we REALLY have to like the same music? Do I really HAVE to like sports as much as he does?

Is it really necessary to have a lot of things in common with your mate? If not, which things ARE important?

[Informed Investor]

This is actually a great topic. I think a willingness to communicate is the most important thing. You can be different as hell but as long as you communicate and comprimise there is potential for it work in a lot of cases.

Belief in God: It’s a deal breaker.

Financial intelligence: If we both make two apples a year some women feel we should buy a 4 apple house but the wise thing to do would be to live below your means and buy a 2 half apple house or 3 apple house. You always want an apple or two left over

Exercise: Okay I want a nicely toned woman in exchange I will maintain an athletic build. I’m lifting weights drinking and eating tons of protein doing daily situps etc. If all she does is talk on the phone and watch sitcoms we aren’t compatible.

Activity: I like a woman who likes to travel but I’m not into women who like to party every week. I did the ever Friday bar and club thing got the t-shirt and am not trying to revisit.

Communication: I understand we are in the digital age. I love texting and emailing but nothing with ever replace verbal/face to face communication. I had this argument last night with a female matter of fact. Its easier to lie electronically than it is in the real world.

Relationship Goals: I think two people need to discuss this regularly. If you are playing the field and she is thinking you are the future hubby you could end up like McNair.

[MzSheel]

I thought as long as the foundational things were covered - family values, commitment to the marriage, intelligence, honesty and respect towards each other, and a sense of fun that everything else wasn't really going to make much difference. Do we REALLY have to like the same music? Do I really HAVE to like sports as much as he does?

Is it really necessary to have a lot of things in common with your mate? If not, which things ARE important?

This is my feeling.  For my husband and I, the big things - how we view the world, relationships, family, etc., are in snyc (but not precisely the same)...  I know that he is the one that I trust most with my heart, my life, my sanity     ... Other than that, we are VERY different.  Our view on religion is not the same (I have a more open, esoteric stance) - which is not as important, I don't think, since we are not in child-bearing years. We have activities that we have in common and both enjoy, but we also allow each other space to be unique and enjoy things that the other may not - without feeling that we have to share every single thing to be a happy couple.

It really depends on the individuals involved.  Some couples want to dress alike and everything... others love their individuality.  For US, coming together on the big issues and respecting/honoring each other's differences has kept us going strong and looking forward to spending our lives together (people STILL ask us how long we've been married, thinking we are newlyweds).

[MochaBeauty]

 Some couples want to dress alike  and everything... others love their individuality.
Wow...couples nowadays still dress alike like identical outfits. I thought that was played out long long time ago..lol

Me and my hubby dont have alot of things in common far as what we enjoy doing for fun, pass time, foods we like, shows we like, music and stuff like that. But the important things we pretty much on the same page. We agree on what it takes to keep a strong foundation and keep MY household running...

[devineone]

I'm involved with someone who is NOT a musician that is an exception for me.  So far so good.  He does appreciate music and the arts though (sorry but that is my dealbreaker).