Men's Fear of Women's Sexuality

[MsHeartBeat]

I am sooooooooooooo pissed right now, but you know me! Once I get angry, I start typing and the next thing you know I've posted a blog or written an article about the subject.

I am beginning the research on a rather long article which will address men's fear of women's sexuality, and the strong desire to control women's bodies and reproductive rights.  How is this accomplished?

(1) Christianity - the #1 guideline followed by Black men to judge and condemn women that freely enjoy their bodies and sexual pleasure with a variety of men before marriage;
(2) Marriage - no longer the grand attraction for women that it once was when women had no other options for sex and children, many men still hold to the 'traditional wife' fantasy and long for a woman that belongs to him in every way and who looks to him as the head of the household and runner of her life;
(3) Laws - which make it illegal for women to seek abortions for unwanted pregnancies or sell their bodies to make money. Men want to control whether or not a woman will have a child and place themselves in the position to determine to control a woman's economic status.
(4) Harsh Social Judgments -  Quickly relegate and label women.  Women are told to 'close their legs' if they have children by men they are not married to, with no blame placed on the men that helped make those babies. Women are assigned responsiblity for 'the demise of the Black community' for the same reasons.  Again, men are absolved of all responsibility for their role.

I could go on and on, but will do that instead with the article.  I'd like to include perspectives and quotes from a few of you.  So if you have anything to say on the the double standards with regards to male/female sexuality, laws which attempt to control women's bodies and religion which attempts to control women's sexual freedom, let it fly! 

My goal is to have this done and up within a week.

[philnation]

(4) Harsh Social Judgments -  Quickly relegate and label women.  Women are told to 'close their legs' if they have children by men they are not married to, with no blame placed on the men that helped make those babies. Women are assigned responsiblity for 'the demise of the Black community' for the same reasons.  Again, men are absolved of all responsibility for their role.

Women are every bit as guilty as men on the harsh judgment part.  Women call other women negative names for sleeping around and label them for it, but they don't do the same to men who do the same things - and nothing is stopping them from doing it.  In fact, I've long said that the dating scene might be just a little different if women held men to the same standards and harshly judged those who sleep around the same way they do to women who engage in such behavior - and again, nothing is stopping them from doing so.

Imagine how different things might be if women ostracized men who sleep around the way they do women who sleep around.

[Informed Investor]

Phil you have a hell of a point there 

(1) Christianity - the #1 guideline followed by Black men to judge and condemn women that freely enjoy their bodies and sexual pleasure with a variety of men before marriage;

My belief is that God gave us certain rules for our benefit. The relationship is more like a parent raising a child. You can tell your child until you are blue in the face certain things but ultimately its their decision. I believe God’s guidelines are in place for our benefit not his. I think most people agree sexual misconduct usually ends in heartache. I can site countless examples promiscurity doesn't work well for women in the black community. Attractiveness only gets you so far. No man wants the woman with the 4 kids by 4 different men by the time they are 30.

I fall short in this area I would be the first to admit. I’m traditional If we are in a relationship I’m doing the best I can to make it work. I don’t establish false relationships with women. The most powerful men are the men who don’t have to lie to get what they want.

Women just like men have every right to experience as much sex with as many people as they want if they are uncommitted. But with that choice one must also accept the consequences babies, diseases, bad reputations. Quite as its kept being a “baby daddy” has just as much negative stigma to it as a woman being labeled a oh in some peoples eyes.

(2) Marriage - no longer the grand attraction for women that it once was when women had no other options for sex and children, many men still hold to the 'traditional wife' fantasy and long for a woman that belongs to him in every way and who looks to him as the head of the household and runner of her life;

I think marriage in the context of Christianity is supposed to resemble Christ’s love for his church. Christ loved his people so much he gave his life for them. Christ never controlled anyone. Christ uplifted God every chance he had. Whether you believe in Christ or not is irrelevant but I think we all can agree that Christ was very flexible.

If the husband isn’t following some sort of moral code of conduct (or at least attempting to) how can a woman be surprised if he is out having mistresses on the side? I think the empowerment of women is a wonderful thing. I would rather a woman want me for me than a woman want me for what I can provide financially.

(3) Laws - which make it illegal for women to seek abortions for unwanted pregnancies or sell their bodies to make money. Men want to control whether or not a woman will have a child and place themselves in the position to determine to control a woman's economic status.

I agree with you there. If a woman wants too kill her children it is her choice. I think its wrong for women to use abortion as their birth control. I mean you have one okay but 3 or 4 you have issues.

(4) Harsh Social Judgments -  Quickly relegate and label women.  Women are told to 'close their legs' if they have children by men they are not married to, with no blame placed on the men that helped make those babies. Women are assigned responsibility for 'the demise of the Black community' for the same reasons.  Again, men are absolved of all responsibility for their role.

Racism is primarily responsible for the demise of the black community in opinion. If we had 400 years of separate but equal (and things were truly equal) we would have been better off. Think about the movie Rosewood the black community was more prosperous than the white. When there are no job opportunities, piss poor public schools, inadequate police coverage and systematic racism in play a vast majority of any group of men regardless of color would turn to crime. 

I’m not saying blame it all on the white man either lol. They set the stage and still control things behind the scenes but a lot of us play our assigned roles to the T. Women need to develop better self images. If you truly loved yourselves you wouldn’t accept subpar treatment. If you truly loved yourself you wouldn’t have sex with any man who came along. There are some women who like unattached sex… the reality is most women want something stable.

I have met women who display this type of confidence I’m referring to. I had a conversation with one yesterday for a matter of fact! She has this persona about her that tells me she is a classy lady but she isn’t taking no bullsh-t.

[cool breeze]

Imagine how different things might be if women ostracized men who sleep around the way they do women who sleep around.

But Phil, when women ostracize women who sleep around, it's done to protect their territory..The majority of women know that they will be punished and socially isolated by their female counterparts if they were to fully embrace their sexuality..They also know that men will sleep with sexually free women, but will not marry them..The men, however don't isolate them socially but women for the most part need to have some sort of female network in place..

Look at it this way..Women are trained in western society to view their sexuality like a pro ball player views his prime  earning years..In a year with no big name free agents, a mid-level player can rake in some serious cash if he happens to be a free agent..Flood the market with big names, however, and that mid-level player will get crumbs off the table..In short, in western society women seek to keep the market free of "big names"(women who embrace their sexuality like men do) because if that mindset were to really take hold the "mid-level' types(women who don't embrace sex like men do) would be left out in the cold..They would be seen as time wasters and game players and men would avoid them like the plague..Why deal with a woman that may have a three date rule when there are 20 or 30 willing to let you hit it and quit it?

The supply of ready, able and willing women for no strings sex would cause a social meltdown..But women don't play that--they keep other women in check..If the woman getting smacked down by her peers doesn't like it? Tough..She'll either have to run with  a crowd of other banished females or conform to the standard..If a woman wants to live life like one of those chicks in "Sex In The City", she had better be living in a real big city because other women will make sure she's a social pariah..

You want to know what's the first sign that a woman might be "sexually free"? If she says she has no female friends and she's an attractive woman..This is especially true when dealing with the majority population..I've heard so many comments about "tramp stamps" and other visible warning signs from the white girls here at my job it boggles the mind..Trust me when I say that those chicks are serious about labeling females who might be too free with their charms..

[devineone]

CB nails it as usual.  Personally these women who sleep around self select themselves out of the wifey pool and I don’t find them any competition. (But hey these women are doing what makes them happy and maybe that’s where they are in their lives at that point).   As for ostracizing the guys who sleep around, I for one wouldn’t do that.  I want a guy with sexual experience. I’m not talking about a playa like Trick daddy and Ray J but a nice guy with an edge and his share of “experience”. (Though playas eventually get tired of playing and eventually settle down too with all of their experience.)   

I find guys with little to no sexual experience unappealing, most women that I know of do.   Humans are not that far removed from the animal kingdom where the mating laws/instincts don’t apply.  The virile males are viewed by the females as the most attractive and he gets that way with brawn, attractiveness, pizzazz sex appeal and sexual experience.  This is whom the female wishes to mate with. (Of course in addition to that, other traits and qualities need to be in place as well such as intelligence, success, confidence etc..)

Just the other day, I met with one of my friends for after work drinks to catch up after my recent trip overseas.  Her brother stopped by to meet up with her a couple of hours later.  Now this dude is FOINE as hell!  6’3 and built like Michelangelo (with an azz that makes you want to cry)  .  I’m like Dayum!!!    After his sister asked him how he was doing after the breakup He started talking about this girl he had broken up with 2 weeks ago.  He said he realized too late that they only had a sexual connection and that was not enough.   He knows now that the emotional and intellectual connection is important and he wants the total package.

I’m thinking to myself  “Shyt, if I weren’t involved, I’d be flinging myself across the table at you,  because not only would he know how to rock my world in the boudoir, but he also values rocking my intellect and connecting with me emotionally which will make the sex off the charts!!.  : I almost orgasmed where I sat. LOL.  (This guy is a financial analyst for a hedge fund and a fitness trainer).

Now had this dude rolled up on us talking about, “He and his woman broke up two weeks ago because she wasn’t happy with him because she said he didn’t please her sexually, that he tried to make things work  because he loved her and took care of her and was there for her and then started running women down claiming they are oversexed in order to make ‘himself’ feel better about his lack of sexual experience and inability to please his woman”, I would have been rolling my eyes, thinking “Dayum another wimp with no skilz, no wonder she left your butt”. (You still foine though but what a shame foine as your azz is you can't please your woman.
 
So no, I won’t be ostracizing the guys who sleep around; as long as they aren’t sleeping with me, I could care less, sooner or later, when they are ready and mature enough, they’ll get their act together.  But most woman, quality or otherwise would not want some wimpy nerdy dude with no attractiveness, no sexual experience, no pizzazz and no charisma. Heck those are the dudes that need to be ostracized LOL . If these wimpy nerdy dudes with no sex appeal don’t like how men are out there getting sexual experience while they sit on the sideline and whine and complain, then perhaps they should make themselves more appealing to the woman. Otherwise the wimps should just buzz off.

[devineone]

 So if you have anything to say on the the double standards with regards to male/female sexuality, laws which attempt to control women's bodies and religion which attempts to control women's sexual freedom, let it fly! 
My goal is to have this done and up within a week.

While this doesn't exactly address your question, I found this to be interesting to look at how other cultures live and the role women have and how they are viewed especially as far as their sexually is concerned along with the power they hold in that society.
I remember seeing an interesting documentary on a tribe of people in China where it is ruled by the women. 
"Gender lessons from the Mosuo people of China"
There is no formal marriage, the women can take as many or as few lovers as they choose the men are powerless but they don't do any work except make babies, all property and inheritance goes to the woman and her family and the woman raises the babies.   

There is also a video out by National Geographic which I saw before titled "Multiple Husbands"  It's called polyandry  One woman multiple hubbies.    There is also an african tribe the Maasai who also practice polygamy and polyandry. 
Excerpt from Wikipedia:
The Maasai are traditionally polygamous; this is thought to be a long standing and practical adaptation to high infant and warrior mortality rates. Polyandry is also practiced. A woman marries not just her husband, but the entire age group. Men are expected to give up their bed to a visiting age-mate guest. The woman decides strictly on her own if she will join the visiting male. Any child which may result is the husband's child and his descendant in the patrilineal order of Maasai society. "Kitala", a kind of divorce or refuge, is possible in the house of a wife's father, usually for gross mistreatment of the wife. Repayment of the bride price, custody of children, etc, are mutually agreed upon.
. 

[devineone]

But Phil, when women ostracize women who sleep around, it's done to protect their territory..The majority of women know that they will be punished and socially isolated by their female counterparts if they were to fully embrace their sexuality..They also know that men will sleep with sexually free women, but will not marry them..The men, however don't isolate them socially but women for the most part need to have some sort of female network in place..
But women don't play that--they keep other women in check..

CB
You gave some thoughtful insight into women ostracizing and checking other women whom they perceive as shall we say ‘maneaters’.  Just like women do that with other women, why can’t more guys do that if they disapprove of certain male behaviors?  Why do they expect that responsibility to have to fall on the woman to shun the guys who ‘they perceive as not being as ‘worthy?  Just like women ‘check’ the playa women who come around in order to protect their ‘territory so to speak’, why can’t more guys do that to protect their territory? 

I mean Dayum, some guys expect women to do everything when it comes to the world of dating.  The woman is expected to have to approach guys in order to save him the embarrassment of possible rejection and now they are expected to ‘check the playa’s behavior in order to pave the way to make it easier for the non playas (guys unwlling to get in the game), to ‘rise like crème to the top of the heap”.

 I mean WTH?  What then would make these guys attractive to women?  I mean they aren’t displaying any of the traits that women find virile in men since they are expecting women to fight their battles and take on the roles that the ‘hunter’ normally takes in the world of dating. 

Women don’t want a wimp who can’t find his way to her.  Guys have to fight their way, overcome the proverbial dragons (the playas) in order to get the girl in the end.  That’s how it ‘sposed to be.
Some guys just expect to do nothing except just “be’ and expect a woman to fight her way to him because he exists ‘on his own pedestal” and she’s supposed to see past all the contenders out there and recognize him in all of his glory even though he’s done nothing to appeal to the ‘woman’ in her.   

This goes against the laws of mating and humans aren’t exempted from that.  For all of our intelligence, we still haven’t evolved from certain behaviors in the animal kingdom when it comes to mating and dating.  In the animal kingdom, the males who can’t fight the contenders, don’t mate, they don’t get the female and often they are ostracized from the group if not killed altogether because weak male genes don’t benefit the species in the long run.
 
Some of these men need to get a clue.  As long as they have that attitude, the guys out there getting the “experience”, in the game, will always come out on top with women (even if some of them don't make good long term mates  like your proverbial trick daddy's and your Ray Js, but these guys are out there actively involved in the dating game).  While these other guys not actively involved in the dating game, will sit on the side line and ironically ostracize themselves.

[Ndgo]

In the animal kingdom, the males who can’t fight the contenders, don’t mate, they don’t get the female and often they are ostracized from the group if not killed altogether because weak male genes don’t benefit the species in the long run.

In the meanwhile before they get eaten alive, they busy themselves making excuses and demonizing women for wanting more and not settling for the inferior product they're too weak wristed to even hand to a women.... they expect us to dig that out of them too! They ought to at least get out the way.... far too many women make it their life's work propping up men that need to just fall to the down. This is an area that women REALLY need to grow a backbone in. If you have to prop him up, fluff him up and puff him up, it's only a matter of time before one little prick sends the whole thing popping right in their faces.

[Informed Investor]

I've come to the conclusion that all these are internal issues. Experience influences perception and perception can limit future ventures. People need to forgive the wrongs of their past and look forward to the future. Every man/woman is different and a new adventure to take. Nobody on this site has dated even a 3rd of the opposite sex in their own town or city. So its funny how we generalize the population like we have dated them all.

The alpha male thing is an outdated concept. There are to many drawbacks to every man which would invalidate him as the alpha male. Okay you have body builder muscles  but you have a 5th grade education. You are rich but you are selfish. You have a nice build and pleasant personality but you are broke. Get where I'm going with this? As long as men and women both continue to look for the perfect person we will wind up unhappy. If we met the perfect person they wouldn't want us anyway because we aren't perfect ourselves.

I can't be the richest or most built or funniest man on the planet but I can be the best me that I can. No other man on this planet can do me. If you want the alpha male i can't help you but if you want a real man who is going to grab you by the hand and walk with you through the trials and tribulations of life i'm your man.

Don't fall in love with concepts and idealogies fall in love with people. Give yourself time to evaluate the people first though. Tommorrow isn't promised to any of us but for most of us we will live a long time. There is no rush. When you are rushing you will make mistakes.

[Ndgo]

I think that weaker males always want to be graded on a curve. They want to relax the standards so they can compete. And believe me, any way you look at it, finding and winning a mate IS a competition. Women have a stake in this also -- don't accept less.

Smarter males learn and reflect the behaviors that win women. It's not rocket science either. Many men on this site have given advice that actually works from their real live experiences -- Cool Breeze is one that comes to mind quickly.

I really don't feel that stronger men ARE as controlling of a woman's sexuality. They rise to the challenge. I think that mislabeling and controlling women is the realm of weaker males. They tend to be more insecure, and afraid that ANY male walking down the street can steal away his love interest so he becomes more controlling to prevent any type of interaction with men in general. He fears competition.

[devineone]

Every man/woman is different and a new adventure to take. Nobody on this site has dated even a 3rd of the opposite sex in their own town or city. So its funny how we generalize the population like we have dated them all.

Behavioral scientists, do this all the time, they study pattens of behaviors in a sociey and come to conclusions based on studied behaviors exhibited by a group of people over a given time.  Socialogists, relationship experts, pysychologists and other people in that area don't have to date people to study patterns of behavior, observe and draw conclusion.  I mean really, do we really need to personally experience something to observe and comment?

The alpha male thing is an outdated concept.

This is one of those phrases like the 'girl next door'.  It's more about the traits, and not  meant to be taken too literally.  Of course alpha men aren't all muscled out, or exhibit the playa role, but there are traits that are considered 'alpha traits that men who want to appeal to women should exhibit.  You have the alpha traits and you have the omega traits.  Most women want men who exhibit more of the alpha traits and that's not a bad thing.  In a wolf pack, the omega wolf doesn't mate and is subjugated.

As long as men and women both continue to look for the perfect person we will wind up unhappy. If we met the perfect person they wouldn't want us anyway because we aren't perfect ourselves.

Well this is pretty obvious.  Of course people know by now that no one is 'perfect' this goes without saying. And telling this to women who generally 'settle' when it comes to men much more than the men 'settle' when it comes to what they want is preaching to the choir'.  You yourself said that you are hard to please  when it comes to what you want in a woman. 

Most men want the 'total package' and will pass over a perfectly good candidate in a woman by holding out for  their "phsyical ideal", but are quick to tell a woman when she talks about admirable alpha traits she wants in a man, 'that they are being unrealistic and that nobody is perfect.' The men who say this are the ones who need to take that advice.

Why is it when women start speaking up about traits and behaviors in men that they admire, men have to shell out the old, 'Nobody's perfect speech' as if women are in the wrong for listing the traits they find attractive in men?  Instead of listening and gaining insight in the the mind of the woman, men have to start devaluing and discrediting what they say by bringing in 'more excuses, or by making statements as if a woman looking for a man with alpha traits is asking for a man to be perfect?   Since when is wanting a man to act like a man in the ways that appeal to a woman asking for perfection?   That's just the basics.  That's Manhood 101. 

I can't be the richest or most built or funniest man on the planet but I can be the best me that I can. No other man on this planet can do me.

II nobody is asking you to be the richest, most muscled out or even the most powerful man on the planet.  See this is where you are missing the point.  You think being an alpha man is solely based on your accomplishments, its about what the man exudes, the inner man.  He could work at a gas station pumping gas but if he knows how to appeal to women, he is going to get some play.  It's not simply about how a guy looks or what he does, but his attitude, his confidence, I've already said in an earlier posting the traits that women find attractive   Just like men want vibrant attractive sexy women, women want vibrant attractive sexy men.  Just like men don't necesssarily want a woman no other guy would want, women don't want some man that isn't attractive where it counts to women in general.  Why do men expect women to want less than they do when it comes to dating and the sexes?  See this is what Ms. HB is talking about right here.  Men and their subconscious ideas of what women ought to think about men and sexuality.
 

If you want the alpha male i can't help you but if you want a real man who is going to grab you by the hand and walk with you through the trials and tribulations of life i'm your man.

This is all well and good but I can get my friends and family to walk me through life's trials and tribulations and they have done that and I've done the same for friends and family.  I want a man who can make my toes curl while we're walking.  I want a man who makes me look forward to being with him and provides an escape sometiimes from life's trials and tribulations.  A 'Real man' can do that too. (luckily for me, I'm with a dude who has the right combo of alpha traits, the guy with the edge and that's working for me).     Are women not supposed to want a man  who makes their toes curl?  Are they supposed to ONLY want the man who can walk them through life's trials and tribulations?  Meanwhile men want the 'total package and think they are entitled to get it.    Women want the total package too., The package that is right for them and every 'package is unique.

Don't fall in love with concepts and idealogies fall in love with people.

What exactly does this statement mean?  When men say, they want a woman who with certain traits and qualities that ‘they perceive represents their ‘ideal mate’, aren’t they falling in love with a concept and an ideology?
Men shouldn’t be so quick to discredit when women are voicing what 'they as women think in order to elevate yourself as a man and make yourself feel you are being 'The Man.'   Nobody is asking you to fit into a role.  If you don't get it, then you just don't get it.  CB gets it though.  But then he seems to exhibit from his postings the 'alpha traits that I mention.

[cool breeze]

CB
You gave some thoughtful insight into women ostracizing and checking other women whom they perceive as shall we say ‘maneaters’.  Just like women do that with other women, why can’t more guys do that if they disapprove of certain male behaviors?  Why do they expect that responsibility to have to fall on the woman to shun the guys who ‘they perceive as not being as ‘worthy?  Just like women ‘check’ the playa women who come around in order to protect their ‘territory so to speak’, why can’t more guys do that to protect their territory?

Devineone, the nice guys, for the most part respect unwritten code of no blocking..That's why some of the nice guys sit on the sidelines..In other words, most men know who the players are and they try to avoid competing with them as well..They also don't try to regulate the playas behavior unless one of their female relatives is in the playa's cross-hairs..Truth of the matter is it really might be natural selection, because it's been proven time and time again that what really seperates the two groups of men is the willingness to go after the women that they want..I tell those nice guys--no one is going to give you anything in this life, you'll have to fight for what you want..
 

I mean Dayum, some guys expect women to do everything when it comes to the world of dating.  The woman is expected to have to approach guys in order to save him the embarrassment of possible rejection and now they are expected to ‘check the playa’s behavior in order to pave the way to make it easier for the non playas (guys unwlling to get in the game), to ‘rise like crème to the top of the heap”.

 I mean WTH?  What then would make these guys attractive to women?  I mean they aren’t displaying any of the traits that women find virile in men since they are expecting women to fight their battles and take on the roles that the ‘hunter’ normally takes in the world of dating.

True, some of these nice guys have the attitude that their "niceness" entitles them to the cream of the crop of women..They want women to approach them..Shyyttt, their testosterone is too low..That's a woman's job--to sit back and be approached..I'm sorry if this offends some of the nice guys out there but you gotta man up and get in the game..Now, how does it look to see grown azz men waiting for women to make the first move?  "But she might reject me, cool." Man, for every rejection you get, you'll find that there are at least five women willing to be your wifey..It's your job to find those five women..If you're afraid to even talk to the woman, I shudder to think what will happen when it's time to kiss her or make love to her..Is she supposed to take the lead then, too? These nice guys..Talk about lazy..And arrogant..The woman has to do everything and he just sits back and enjoys the ride..

Women don’t want a wimp who can’t find his way to her.  Guys have to fight their way, overcome the proverbial dragons (the playas) in order to get the girl in the end.  That’s how it ‘sposed to be.
Some guys just expect to do nothing except just “be’ and expect a woman to fight her way to him because he exists ‘on his own pedestal” and she’s supposed to see past all the contenders out there and recognize him in all of his glory even though he’s done nothing to appeal to the ‘woman’ in her.   

Some of these men need to get a clue.  As long as they have that attitude, the guys out there getting the “experience”, in the game, will always come out on top with women (even if some of them don't make good long term mates  like your proverbial trick daddy's and your Ray Js, but these guys are out there actively involved in the dating game).  While these other guys not actively involved in the dating game, will sit on the side line and ironically ostracize themselves.

Good point, devineone..I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record but these nice guys need to put the Playstation and X Box 360 in a closet somewhere until they balance their social lives..I'm a nice guy but I'm no saint..True, I'd rather spend most friday nights cuddled up with my wife on the couch eating home made ice cream, but I also know that we need to have a spark in our relationship..So, some nights we go out dancing..Sometimes I'll call her at her job on her cell and tell her that I want her naked when I get home--because it's true!! I let her know that there's no man on the planet that can match my passion for her..I let her know that she's sexy..That she looks good in the morning without any makeup..That she's got the softest skin I've ever touched..That even though her corn bread needs work, her fried chicken is almost as good as my mom's( I said almost  )

What I'm getting at is I'm not afraid to be a living, breathing, human being..These nice guys expect a woman to fall from the heavens and love them just because they're "Nice"..They think it's a sin to desire women like a man's supposed to..Okay, keep sitting there and let me know when Esther Baxter or Denyce Lawton and Bobbi Baker(the girls in the barbershop on Tyler Perry's House of Payne) show up at your crib..

[Informed Investor]

I'm actually tired today. This is one of those subjects that people on this site have been arguing for 10 years or more.

It appears to me that prince charming concept has morphed into the alpha male concept. Both depictions are simply concepts which I hope women on this site aren't  actively pursuing. Its like trying to find the loch ness monster. The LNM may exist but chances are you won't be the person to discover it LOL.

Hey I wish you all love peace and happiness.

[devineone]

I really don't feel that stronger men ARE as controlling of a woman's sexuality. They rise to the challenge. I think that mislabeling and controlling women is the realm of weaker males. They tend to be more insecure, and afraid that ANY male walking down the street can steal away his love interest so he becomes more controlling to prevent any type of interaction with men in general. He fears competition.

And this is an 'alpha trait' "rising to the challenge in the dating game. Stronger men evolve, and rise to the challenge, they exude self confidence even after they've been knocked down a few times in the dating game.  Weaker men sit on the side lines, too cowardly to get in the game and they become bitter, hardened and women haters.  They look for the loophole and never win the girl because they don't know how to appeal to the 'woman' in her.  They think that 'what' they are ('nice guy) matters more to the woman, instead of 'who' they are and how they come across in the dating game.  The weaker men operate from fear and subjugation.

Remember that movie Shrek? There can be many lessons to take from that movie, but as it relates to dating, I take this lesson from it.

The King thought because of ‘what’ he was, ‘A King, with power and riches, he was entitled to have any woman he wanted.  He chose Princess Fiona because from her picture, she seemed to be his ideal.  He felt he was entitled to get his ideal mate.  He’d never met her before, didn’t know anything about her personality, just saw her in the magic mirror. One drawback though, he had to fight his way to get to Princess Fiona.  He had to put himself in harms way, go through dangers, fight the dragon, climb the cliffs and rescue the princess.  Being all powerful (but lazy and cowardly), he used his power to get Shrek, the ugly ogre to do the work for him.

Shrek with his sidekick donkey ends up going after the beautiful Fiona, he rescues her for the King but in the course of spending time with her, (and she with him), they both fall in love (All this before Shrek even knows about Fiona’s curse).  Fiona finds herself drawn to a surly ugly ogre even though she is supposed to marry the all powerful King. 
When the King comes to claim his ‘prize’ that he has expected to just fall into his lap because of his 'title' and position, but through no personal real effort on his part, he doesn’t realize that Fiona is already in love with Shrek in spite of his unsuitability to her.
In the end, all of the King’s power, and riches couldn’t compete, because he failed to do the one thing that mattered the most.  ‘BE A MAN!  AN “ALPHA” MAN in the ways that mattered to Fiona!  He expected to just have Fiona because he was the King. 
Meanwhile Shrek gets the girl.

Lesson:  Women want men to appeal to the’ woman’ in them. Men BE A MAN when it comes to relating to women and the dating and mating game. 

[cool breeze]

I think that weaker males always want to be graded on a curve. They want to relax the standards so they can compete. And believe me, any way you look at it, finding and winning a mate IS a competition. Women have a stake in this also -- don't accept less.

Smarter males learn and reflect the behaviors that win women. It's not rocket science either. 

Grading on a curve?  Ndgo, you ain't right..Those nice guys need lovin', too you know..You're just going to have to do all the work and the heavy lifting..

Single woman to her friends:"Well, he really got a D minus, but with the curve he gets..Oh, hell to the no.."