Reasons Black Women Are Single

[MsHeartBeat]

According to Michael Eric Dyson in his book "Why I love Black Women"

This book addresses many of the issues that are discussed on the forum, without the venom towards women that is frequently seen throughout the Internet on boards popular with bitter Black males.  A few points and paraphrased quotes from the book for those who haven't read it.

Reasons that black women remain single
-educational achievements and socio-economic standing which are both higher on average than black men.
-the morality gap between black men and black women
-black men's unemployment
-the dramatically decreasing rate of black men seeking higher education
-the increasing rate of interracial marriage among black men
-negative stereotypes of black women as angry

On the incarceration of black men
Incarceration of black men - in 2000 there were 791,600 black men in jail or prison while only 603-032 were enrolled in college.  In 1980 there were 143,000 black men in jail or prison and 463,700 graduating from college. "We would permit no other population of American citizens to be locked away with such callous disregard for the educational opportunities that might help stem the tide of incarceration. The engine of the prison -industrial complex is fueled by the containment of black upward mobility and the disenfranchisement of black citizenry. In many states, felons are ineligible to vote once they leave prison.  First we deny these men a solid education, and then we deprive them of the right to help reshape the policies that have harmed them.  If black men are in prison and not in college they have two strikes against them and in their bid to become viable partners to black women."

On black women being too picky
Even with these facts supporting diminished choices faced by women there is still the perception that they are just too picky." According to some research, black women have been less willing than white women to marry men with lower status and undesirable traits - those who are younger, previously married, less educated, or unattractive.  In short black women prefer attractive men who are near their age and who have a stable career.  For those black women who have never been married, they prefer mates with no previous wives or children. In our nation people tend to marry folks who have similar educational backgrounds. This poses a huge problem for black men and women since the ratio of highly educated black men to women has been said to be as small as sixty men to every 100 women. There are 4 million married couple in the US and  just under 10% have marriages where both spouses have a college degree. Slightly more than 1% of them are marriages where both spouses have graduate degrees.  "While it is true that such numbers might translate to black women being picky, the reality is that black women seek to meet and marry men with whom they have the greatest degree of compatibility." 

On black males reaction to women who are more educated
Black male resentment of female achievement, especially among black men who have not enjoyed the opportunity to succeed may translate to unwarranted hostility toward black women. Many see black women as the pawns of a white establishment that seeks to hold them down.  As a result black female movement through education and professional ranks is a symptom of black women's complicity with a racist sytem.   

For a black man to reach beneath his class station to embrace a black woman reinforces the status quo:as breadwinner, he can provide for his family, and thus remain "head of the house".  For a black woman to behave similarly upsets the status quo: if she makes more money and is better educated than her partner the resentment of her man can be come burdensome, sometimes abusive.

He goes on to say that a lot of men felt that they could handle a female breadwinner but that once the reality of higher status set in, it usually took on social meanings beyond a paycheck.  Issues of control arise and the question of who is in charge follows in it's wake. 

Since black men struggle with a society that sets up expectations for appropriate masculine behavior - take care of one's family, be gainfully employed, be a financial success - and then undermines their attainment black women are often the psychological scapegoat of our anger. The rise in male domestic violence is poignant testimony to such tensions in the black home.

What do you all have to say about Mr. Dyson's statements?

[cool breeze]

I don't think that sisters are too picky..They have a right to want what they want in a mate, no matter what the statistics say..Marriage has taken a hit in the black community and a lot of brothers don't even think about finding a wife..They can get what they need from a succession of hook-ups, shacking/cohabitation and baby mommas..With all those options available, who needs a wife?

I for one don't think that sisters need to lower their standards..The men need to be able to step up to the plate and handle their business or leave that sister alone..

[devineone]

According to Michael Eric Dyson in his book "Why I love Black Women"
This book addresses many of the issues that are discussed on the forum, without the venom towards women that is frequently seen throughout the Internet on boards popular with bitter Black males.  A few points and paraphrased quotes from the book for those who haven't read it.

Thank you for this article, there has been a lot of hate towards black women of today and it is nice to read this information that presents it in a clear and concise dare I say objective manner that is seemingly devoid of rhetoric and bias against black women.

Reasons that black women remain single
-educational achievements and socio-economic standing which are both higher on average than black men.
-the morality gap between black men and black women
-black men's unemployment
-the dramatically decreasing rate of black men seeking higher education
-the increasing rate of interracial marriage among black men
-negative stereotypes of black women as angry

I’m trying to convince a friend of mine right now to go out with a work colleague who happens to be a nonblack man who works within her corporation but in a different department.  He has long admired her and has asked me about her.  She is adamant about dating black men, but I told her to look around, how many black men does she mix with that she feels she is compatible with?  Black men are dating interracially at far higher numbers than black women, so there is no reason for her to feel she has to date within her race, just meet someone she feels she is compatible with and go from there.

On the incarceration of black men
If black men are in prison and not in college they have two strikes against them and in their bid to become viable partners to black women."

There are black men who have come through prison, and turned their life around and become viable partners to black women, but it is sad to say they are few and far between.

On black women being too picky
Even with these facts supporting diminished choices faced by women there is still the perception that they are just too picky." According to some research, black women have been less willing than white women to marry men with lower status and undesirable traits - those who are younger, previously married, less educated, or unattractive.

I haven’t done the research, but from my anecdotal experience, white women are far more picky than black women and will not even think about marrying a man who don’t meet their and their family’s expectations.

In short black women prefer attractive men who are near their age and who have a stable career.  For those black women who have never been married, they prefer mates with no previous wives or children.

Again, here I know of women who have married older/younger men with kids from a previous relationship.  I know of women who married divorced men.  I don’t think that weighs as much as if the man is compatible with them in other areas.  Is he responsible, are they on the same or similar intellectual/educational and financial level.  Can he pull his own weight?  Is he someone who can be supportive and dependable?  I think black women think about that as much if not more than if he was previously married or if he’s had kids. At least the ones I know.

In our nation people tend to marry folks who have similar educational backgrounds. This poses a huge problem for black men and women since the ratio of highly educated black men to women has been said to be as small as sixty men to every 100 women.

And don’t think those highly educated black men don’t know they are in demand.  They KNOW IT and they ACT LIKE they know.  They are some of your biggest playas too.  I’ve often said your playas are not always the thugged out images you see on TV.  The educated, independent successful, intellectual woman won’t go for those types anyway.  They go for the educated, financially successful, intellectual black man.  He’s like a kid in a candy store because he knows his kind is scarce.  That knowledge often has gone to his head (both of them).  They get so caught up in playing that even though they look good on paper, these guys end up being your 'playing the field, commitment phobes' who often end up with no better characteristics (emotionally) as the proverbial thugs. 

I had a friend who ended up engaged with a guy who was a superintendent to a bus company.  This was after dating an account manager at a major investment firm.  This guy just knew he was the shyt and he dogged her out.  She had to let that go.  She met this guy who had no college, but had taken continuing ed classes and training and he treated her really well, they’re engaged now. 

On black males reaction to women who are more educated
Black male resentment of female achievement, especially among black men who have not enjoyed the opportunity to succeed may translate to unwarranted hostility toward black women. Many see black women as the pawns of a white establishment that seeks to hold them down.  As a result black female movement through education and professional ranks is a symptom of black women's complicity with a racist sytem.

This is the sad but awful truth of the attitude a lot of black men have against black women when they have not advanced themselves through education.   

He goes on to say that a lot of men felt that they could handle a female breadwinner but that once the reality of higher status set in, it usually took on social meanings beyond a paycheck.

I don’t think this attitude is limited to black men, but men in general.  I have a work colleague who’s wife is the breadwinner in his family, and when she travels, he goes with her to keep the baby.  Sometimes he get’s angry at the women for no reason and sometimes we feel it is because he is disgruntled with his role in his family and he takes it out at his job.  It’s the whole, ‘Who wears the pants in his family’.  Men define themselves more by ‘what they do’.  They tie their definition of who they are by their profession, more so than women.  So if they are not happy with that part of their lives, it shows.

 

[Ginger]

Cool Breeze you are so right. I, personally am not lowering my standards. Especially with all this mess I have been through with some black men. If they cant give me what Im looking for they can step.

[Kimora]

Also they remain loyal to a group of men who take them for granted....