Obesity in African Americans and Dating

[MsHeartBeat]

I keep reading studies that report that 30% of the US population is technically overweight or obese... and one I read said that 15% of Black women are obese (by those BMI charts).

Is this a factor in Black women's rejection by Black men or not?  How much value are overweight men and women given when it comes to ranking them as romantic partners?

Wanting to take a look at that, I scheduled some interviews on the radio show, which is this Wednesday night at 8:00 pm (PST).  If any of you can manage to listen and participate, I'd be interested in your thoughts.

Here is the promo:


FAT or PHAT? Dating and Weight


The Sucka Free Dating Talk Show hosted by relationship expert and dating advice columnist Deborrah Cooper confronts America’s focus on weight as the chief measure of physical attractiveness on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 8 p.m. Pacific time on BlogTalkRadio.

Show guests include:

• Laurie Toby Edison, internationally exhibited photographer of "Women En Large: Images of Fat Nudes" and body image activist
• Steve Kasper, owner of LargeFriends.Com (a dating site that specializes in getting together plus size singles and those that appreciate them); and
• Dr. Lisa A. Breisch, Psy.D. a Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist specializing in weight discrimination, eating disorders and the size-acceptance movement.

This show promises to be an interesting and controversial discussion on the mentality of Americans and their fixation on body weight as the primary standard for measuring attractiveness and suitability for dating.

The URL is:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/askheartbeat

[Starchild]

I don't know if it's a reason for black men's 'rejection' of black women, but it's definitely a reason I've heard from white men as to why they don't like black women.  "Too fat and too loud."  Don't nobody want to feel like Norbit.

[devineone]

I've been slender all of my life, I can't relate to being obese although I do realize that it is the root cause of a lot of health problems.  There are six siblings in my family and we're all pretty slender.  While I appreciate that now, it wasn't really a blessing in high school and college because I was one of those girls who was not only a late bloomer in life but straight up "po" to boot. 

When I was in high school and had crushes on guys, I'd get pats on the head and the guys would want me to introduce them to my more well endowed friends.  I remember once putting athletic socks in my shirt in the 11th grade so I could have boobs and stuffing my swimsuit in a  college pageant so I could have boobs.    I went from flat to fluffy overnight...And everyone noticed.   I guess in hindsight I'm glad I was a late bloomer because I didn't have to deal with a lot of unwarranted attention from the guys that I wasn't quite mature enough to handle in HS.

I see black and hispanic guys in NYC with some "healthy" girls.  I actually see black men with more "pleasingly plump" women than with slender women.

As for white guys, it is a shame that they have that stereotype that black women are fat and loud like Rasfusia in Norbit.  I suppose they want those cold, stoic women.  Not all black women are loud and I've met some white women who are pretty loud and hick.  I've dated a white guy before and he actually liked curves and butt.  Not all white guys want the "barbie doll pancake butt figure some of them like bootylicious especially since JLo made big butts popular. (Whatever... black women have had butts long before she made it popular).

I think most black men (I have 4 grown brothers), prefer a woman with some healthy curves. They don't like stick thin women but they don't want what Norbit had either. 2 of my brothers are married to women who are thick and they are tall and slender guys.

I don't think black men are as repulsed by obese women as white men appear to be.  I think unless a black woman is just morbidly obese, she tends to carry her extra weight better than a white woman but maybe I'm being biased here.

I've seen plenty of thin men with chunkier mates and they seem happy.
Who was it, Chris Rock in one of his standups who said that fat women have the best time when they go out.  They dress up and just kick it!   

[Legacy]

Ms. HB....

No actually the stats I've read specifically for BW is 78% overweight & 50% obese where BM are 60% & 29% respectively. America as a whole is 66% overweight and obese.
The measurement for overweight is >=25 BMI while obese is >=30 BMI.

http://www.netwellness.org/healthtopics/aahealth/healthybody.cfm
http://obesity1.tempdomainname.com/subs/fastfacts/Obesity_Minority_Pop.shtml

If we wanna act like this isn't a factor in black male/female relationships, we're lying. And while black men definitely like curves, some folx have taken this term "thick" way too liberally. I've never brought it up before because I don't really want to try & paint BW negatively but we've gotta be a little more open about this topic.

Looks are important but for once let's be real. They're more important for women than they are for men because women generally have a broader list of concerns & needs. Whether or not that's sexist to some extent you could argue but it's truth.

I've heard BM alone & BM/BW critique black men for issues like education, abandoning children, criminal behavior, etc. I've heard BM critique BW about this issue but what I haven't heard (or not nearly as loud as BW pointing @ BM about some issue) is BW critiquing BW about weight issues which aren't simply a matter of looks but also a matter of health. If we wanna talk about 50 cents & Snoop promoting dangerous ideas to YBM, then what are we gonna say about Mo'Nique?

[Bambi eyes]

And while black men definitely like curves, some folx have taken this term "thick" way too liberally.

I don't know who has access to the May 2008 Essence, but on page 75 there is a woman posing in her undies for a Curvation Ad.  That's my definition of "thick" anything more than that moves over to the obese category.  Anyone see what I'm talking about and agree?

Nobody really wants a sloppy woman on their arm.  I think someone like Queen Latifah who keeps herself up and tries to dress and keep herself attractive on the outside but also has a beautiful aura that shines from the inside will attract a man of any color. She used to be a little more than thick, don't know what she's looking like nowadays.   As for being loud, I don't like a loud man, or loud children, so I can't imagine why a man would enjoy being around a loud woman. 

As for me, I'm tall, so weight hasn't been a problem for me in attracting black men.  Vocally, believe it or not, people generally have to strain to hear what I'm saying I speak so calmly and quietly... a friend of mine describes my voice as wispery and soothing after they once fell asleep right in the middle of what I was saying.    I tend to get labeled as "quiet and shy" when placed in a social setting with lots of other "talkers".   I think when you talk too loud it can scare people away, but then again, it may make a shy man feel more comfortable because then the spotlight is more on you than it is on them.   

I have a large friend who is loud and large (a 2x) and she doesn't seem to be having a problem attracting men, but they seem to be run off by her bible thumping and church busyness.  I notice that an overwhelming number of church going women tend to also be large and loud, so maybe it is the excessive religiosity that is a turn off for men who would otherwise still be attracted to them despite their weight and tone.

[Legacy]

IMHO, Latifah is not really all that attractive but not because of her size since I thought Tocarra, who was a plus size model on America's Next Top Model, was attractive. Either way, I'd guess both are a few pounds overweight even though I think Tocarra has shed some pounds recently. However, Tocarra went into the "loud black woman" category when she spazzed out on Dr. Ian Smith on Celebrity Fit Club. I ain't gonna post the link cause I'm not interested in showing a sista in a bad light like that but when ST is talking about "Norbit'.. uh.. yeah... this is what he's talking about.

The point is alot of sista's who aren't famous entertainers &/or model material are carrying around way too many extra pounds for the liking of some men. It's clearly an issue in dating even with black men even though we're more accepting of less than ideal weight & size (using a BMI standard).

[Bambi eyes]

IMHO, Latifah is not really all that attractive but not because of her size

Care to elaborate?

Tocarra, who was a plus size model on America's Next Top Model,

I've never seen Tocarra... I lost interest in Top Model about a year ago...I go find some busy work to do around the house when that show comes on ... I'll have to see her before I comment.

It's clearly an issue in dating even with black men even though we're more accepting of less than ideal weight & size (using a BMI standard)

LMAO... the rule for many men is the longer they  go without getting some... the more accepting they are of what is generally unacceptable to them.    If you can't get no play from the small fry, the pork chop begins to look pretty darn appealing after awhile.  ROTFL!

[Legacy]

IMHO, Latifah is not really all that attractive but not because of her size

Care to elaborate?

I just don't really find her all that attractive. She's clearly not ugly or unappealing but she just doesn't do much for me..

Tocarra, who was a plus size model on America's Next Top Model,

I've never seen Tocarra... I lost interest in Top Model about a year ago...I go find some busy work to do around the house when that show comes on ... I'll have to see her before I comment.

She just has a more appealing look to me.. Frankly, she's just a prettier girl but just my opinion tho..

http://tinyurl.com/65ym6o

It's clearly an issue in dating even with black men even though we're more accepting of less than ideal weight & size (using a BMI standard)

LMAO... the rule for many men is the longer they  go without getting some... the more accepting they are of what is generally unacceptable to them.    If you can't get no play from the small fry, the pork chop begins to look pretty darn appealing after awhile.  ROTFL!

That's somewhat true but it's not like all "pretty" women are impossible. It's a function of a woman's individual personality. If you appeal to her most important desires (some physical, some psychological, some material, etc) you can kick it with her. Also, some men just simply prefer plus size women.

[Bambi eyes]

http://tinyurl.com/65ym6o

Damn... can't see it right now cause I'm blocked, but I will be sure to check Ms. Tocarro out later.

That's somewhat true but it's not like all "pretty" women are impossible.

Not impossible, no, but they can be a lot more work sometimes I hear.

[Starchild]

Well, Robin Harris said he preferred dating ugly women because they're more "obedient".   And we all know the song, "if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife..."


The hell with that, I can't get down with fat, ugly, or stupid.

[Bambi eyes]

ugly

Starchild,  what about ugly on the outside, but astonishingly beautiful on the inside?  Would you deal with that?

[devineone]

ugly

Starchild,  what about ugly on the outside, but astonishingly beautiful on the inside?  Would you deal with that?

 I was wondering the same thing? 

[Legacy]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period. You're not attracted to everything & if someone is not attractive to you, no amount of "she's got a good spirit" is gonna make up for that. Like Eddie Murphy said,.." I don't want a funny ugly b@!#$.. I'd be covering my eyes during sex saying why don't you tell me some more jokes!"

However, the flip side is also true. I don't want a perfect 10 with a horrible attitude & the IQ of a rock either.

[devineone]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period. You're not attracted to everything & if someone is not attractive to you, no amount of "she's got a good spirit" is gonna make up for that. Like Eddie Murphy said,.." I don't want a funny ugly b@!#$.. I'd be covering my eyes during sex saying why don't you tell me some more jokes!"

However, the flip side is also true. I don't want a perfect 10 with a horrible attitude & the IQ of a rock either.

Of course people want attractive partners, Legacy, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Just as you said you didn't think Latifah did it for you, but you liked the other girl better, both are big girls, maybe the other girl is smaller than Latifah, both are more on the large side.  At any rate, I think when it comes to outward appearances, guys tend to be much more particular about it than women.  They like the arm candy much more than women like the man arm candy.

A guy I fell in love with at one point, was by no means what you'd call fine, in fact he's chunky more than twice my size, he could stand to lose weight.  He is always going to have a weight problem, because he just has that body type.  He was still a good looking guy (at least in my eyes) but he was well fat... That never bothered me. 

Most guys consider attractive what Hollywood celebrities considers attractive.  They like the Beyonce's the Ashanti's, Halle Berry types.  Regular black women while attractive, aren't up to those standards so often they won't get a second look.  I mean heck, anyone would look great on celebrity money.

Women tend to be more forgiving of outward appearances than guys are.  Besides, you guys are quoting these commedians both of which had money so their money probably drew the chicks to them.  I wonder how successful with the ladies these guys would have been had they not been rich or famous.  Would the ladies have given them the time of the day?

I've always heard, that a good looking successful guy knows he's all of that and can get all the ladies and often times he will.  The more successful, the more women they can have.  Rarely do you see hot looking men, with outwardly plain-faced women.  However, you'll see great looking women with less than good looking guys and those guys aren't always rich and famous either.

[devineone]

However, the flip side is also true. I don't want a perfect 10 with a horrible attitude & the IQ of a rock either.

But if you could get a perfect 10 with a good attitude and a respectful IQ would you take her over say a 5 with a high IQ and great attitude?