Obesity in African Americans and Dating

[Bambi eyes]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period.

The question is not whether people want attractive partners, but what level of importance is put on the outward attractiveness of a person vs. the inner attractiveness.

I asked Starchild the question I asked him, not to attack his point of view but to better understand what he means by ugly. (Inner or outter ugliness)

So... again, Starchild and now Legacy (since you chimed in ) Is physical attraction more important to you than attraction to the soul and spirit of a person?  And don't try to weasle out by saying both are important... I want to know what's MORE important to you. Period.

If someone is not as physically attractive  (not butt ugly, but just that his/her physical attributes are really nothing to write home about or even bother commenting on to your friends)  but she is exceptionally attractive on the inside, the question is would she be cast away because she doesn't meet the outer requirements you have or would she be welcomed just the same as someone with a banging body, and smashing features but a inner character that wasn't really anything to write home about.   What is it about attractiveness that is the deciding factor for you, the inner or the outer?

[Legacy]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period. You're not attracted to everything & if someone is not attractive to you, no amount of "she's got a good spirit" is gonna make up for that. Like Eddie Murphy said,.." I don't want a funny ugly b@!#$.. I'd be covering my eyes during sex saying why don't you tell me some more jokes!"

However, the flip side is also true. I don't want a perfect 10 with a horrible attitude & the IQ of a rock either.

Of course people want attractive partners, Legacy, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Just as you said you didn't think Latifah did it for you, but you liked the other girl better, both are big girls, maybe the other girl is smaller than Latifah, both are more on the large side.  At any rate, I think when it comes to outward appearances, guys tend to be much more particular about it than women.  They like the arm candy much more than women like the man arm candy.

Because until very recently, women had a bigger need. MONEY. And even with all of these working "independent" woman running around, when they're in a relationship often times  they don't want to carry their weight. There are exceptions but y'all know I ain't lying. NOPE! TRUTH! Also, # of WOMEN >>> # of MEN. The point is your needs & circumstances are different.

Most guys consider attractive what Hollywood celebrities considers attractive.  They like the Beyonce's the Ashanti's, Halle Berry types.  Regular black women while attractive, aren't up to those standards so often they won't get a second look.  I mean heck, anyone would look great on celebrity money.

Negatory.. That's you echoing a false stereotype. I've dated attractive women (only sisters) from light bright to pitch dark, from perm to locks, to braids, to natural, & from small 1-4 size thru 10-12 size. Men like 'attractive' women. Some women in Hollywood are attractive. Some women on the job are attractive. Some women on the block are attractive.

Women tend to be more forgiving of outward appearances than guys are.  Besides, you guys are quoting these commedians both of which had money so their money probably drew the chicks to them.  I wonder how successful with the ladies these guys would have been had they not been rich or famous.  Would the ladies have given them the time of the day?

More women than men. Women have a different & usually greater set of needs.

I've always heard, that a good looking successful guy knows he's all of that and can get all the ladies and often times he will.  The more successful, the more women they can have.  Rarely do you see hot looking men, with outwardly plain-faced women.  However, you'll see great looking women with less than good looking guys and those guys aren't always rich and famous either.

See my last answer.. repeat 10 times.

However, the flip side is also true. I don't want a perfect 10 with a horrible attitude & the IQ of a rock either.

But if you could get a perfect 10 with a good attitude and a respectful IQ would you take her over say a 5 with a high IQ and great attitude?

All day... because as long as the attitude & IQ are acceptable, the tie-breaker is looks. All 3 areas have to be acceptable. This ain't no cumulative GPA shyt. Give me a B in 6 classes instead of 3 As, 2 Bs & an E. She can't be flunking IQ 101, Intro to Good Attitudes or Basic   Good Looks..

[Susa]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period.

Women are just more willing than men to look at the insides.

Just look at commercials; they often show a middle class family as a dorky man that's either balding or has a gut with a thin attractive wife. You rarely see examples of women in the media who are a size 2, no matter what her partner looks like.

[Legacy]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period.

So... again, Starchild and now Legacy (since you chimed in ) Is physical attraction more important to you than attraction to the soul and spirit of a person?  And don't try to weasle out by saying both are important... I want to know what's MORE important to you. Period.

There *IS* no separating it. It's like asking me if I want my heart or my lungs. UHM, BOTH PLEASE? You know, some shyt is systemic. You can't have a living human being w/o a brain, heart, lungs, blood, etc. In short, an acceptably attractive, intelligent & personable woman.

I don't want a pretty woman who has a horrible personality (other things aside). I don't want a ugly woman who has a great personality (other things aside). I choose NEITHER long term, period. However, short term.. uh.. dime please..

[Bambi eyes]

It's like asking me if I want my heart or my lungs.

No, it's more like asking you if you want an excellent heart and slightly defective lungs or if you want a slightly defective heart and excellent lungs.  Heart being pretty, Lungs being ugly in this case. Which is more important.  I know It'll be hard to get an answer from you on this one, but I'll keep pressing anyhow.   There is definitely a difference though.

[devineone]

C'mon y'all.. this is the real world. People want attractive partners, period.

I don't want a pretty woman who has a horrible personality (other things aside). I don't want a ugly woman who has a great personality (other things aside). I choose NEITHER long term, period. However, short term.. uh.. dime please..

Yeah but like you said you'll put up with a pretty woman with a horrible personality a lot more than you would an ugly woman (in your eyes) with a horrible personality since you said that looks are the deciding factor.   

[Bambi eyes]

Yeah but like you said you'll put up with a pretty woman with a horrible personality a lot more than you would an ugly woman (in your eyes) with a horrible personality since you said that looks are the deciding factor.   

Yep... Devineone, I was just about to say, he's basically answered the question in a roundabout way already... I don't think men want to flat out admit it, but they will pick the prettier on the outside chick over the prettier on the inside chick hands down... it's rare that you will find someone who really wants to go deeper than the superficial when it comes to picking woman,  especially when they get older... thus you have older men leaving their wives with fading beauty for the perkier breasted, brighter and softer skinned young woman. 

[devineone]

Yeah but like you said you'll put up with a pretty woman with a horrible personality a lot more than you would an ugly woman (in your eyes) with a horrible personality since you said that looks are the deciding factor.   

Yep... Devineone, I was just about to say, he's basically answered the question in a roundabout way already... I don't think men want to admit it, but they will pick the prettier on the outside chick over the prettier on the inside chick hands down... it's rare that you will find someone who really wants to go deeper than superficial, especially when they get older... thus you have older men leaving their wives with fading beauty for the perkier breasted, brighter and softer skinned young woman. 

Yup Bambi, That's about it in a nutshell.  But when these men are broken down, then here they come a runnin back to the woman with the inner beauty because Ms Hot Cute thang has kicked them to the curb.  Remember that Movie Mo Betta Blues, and how Denzel's character had two women the pretty one, and the other one (who was pretty to me actually), anyway when he got beat down and couldn't play anymore, who did he run to to "Save his life"?   

[Bambi eyes]

Remember that Movie Mo Betta Blues, and how Denzel's character had two women the pretty one, and the other one (who was pretty to me actually), anyway when he got beat down and couldn't play anymore, who did he run to to "Save his life"?   

Mmmmhmm... yep I remember.  Came back wagging his tail behind him didn't he...that's why these young fellas out here get stiffed so easily cause they put outer beauty in the front seat and inner beauty somewhere in the trunk... I guess they figure they can make her beautiful on the inside... but on the temporary they'll just take that fine booty, pretty hair, and long lashes for all it's worth in the right now.  Hahahaha too funny.

[devineone]

Legacy
What are the "different and greater set of needs that women have"?

What needs do men  have when choosing women in the long term?


Anyway, I was just curious.

[devineone]

.   

thus you have older men leaving their wives with fading beauty for the perkier breasted, brighter and softer skinned young woman. 

Yup Thank goodness phizer made that little blue pill so these older men can keep their perkiness while they are running behind these perky breasted women. 

[Starchild]

ugly

Starchild,  what about ugly on the outside, but astonishingly beautiful on the inside?  Would you deal with that?

  No.  That to me, is settling.  Why would I settle for getting 1 out of 2 when I can find 2 out of 2.  I also feel that that question makes some sort of presumption that women/people are either one or the other.  Attractive -or- Good Person/Smart/Nice, etc.  Neither would I date a woman who was beautiful on the outside and an ugly person on the inside.  I want both. 

[Starchild]

And to further (I just saw the continuation of the topic), I agree with Legacy---the two are inseparable.  They go together.  I'd date a girl I considered a 7 attractive and 7 intelligence, but I wouldn't date a 10/5 or a 5/10.  That was the thing with my last girlfriend--she was probably the single most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on, and she was sweet as pie, but dumb as a doornail.  My brother said, "hey, 2 out of 3 [looks and personality--no brains] ain't bad," but I couldn't take it and broke up with her. 

Also, you're neglecting to keep in mind that beauty is subjective, as are nuances of personality.  Like Leg, I have dated women who were very light to very dark and all in between, short, tall (though I do admit to a preference for tall women), very slim to athletic to size 10-12, natural hair locks, (I hate relaxed hair), and TO ME, each girl I dated was attractive.  Some of them fit the 'hollywood' image of beauty, some were more 'underground' type beauties. 

I don't date women I consider 5s in anything.  Life is too short to waste time with 5s. 

[devineone]

Hey Starchild,
I'm being nosy here, but hey you said it.  In what way was your ex girlfriend dumb?  Was she not book smart?  That can be subjective as well.  Some people are brainiacs and would consider anyone else beneath them.... just curious.

Why do you hate relaxed hair.  Such a strong sentiment and judgement for a superficial way a woman wears her hair.  I don't particularly care for locks or dreads, but it's not a dealbreaker for me and I don't hate it.

What is "underground" type of beauty?  I haven't heard that term before.

[Starchild]

Lol.  "underground beauty"--I just made that up myself.  I figured since everyone talks about "hollywood/ mainstream" ideals of beauty, I would make a term to describe something different from that.  I.e., not a Beyonce/ Halle/ Alicia/ Gabrielle type beauty---something else.   

As for my ex, I don't know how to explain her dumbness.  Like I said, she was sooo sweet, but she was just a complete moron.  I wondered how she had managed to survive for so long.  It wasn't book smarts stuff- she had a college degree and all that.  It was just that talking to her became a chore after a while because everything had to be explained to her, and she just didn't get anything.  Ever.   She felt like a little sister--I was always looking out for her and taking care of her, and not in the normal bf/gf way, but like she just couldn't take care of herself.  She was 2 years younger than me, but I felt like I was dating a teenager.  Some of it may have been because she was very sheltered growing up--but I wanted to date a woman, not a girl, so she had to go.