Obesity in African Americans and Dating

[Bambi eyes]

What a crock of shyt. Black women critique white women ALL THE TIME!

I can't say that I've seen a lot of that in real life or here on the boards... maybe you SEE things that are not really there. (shrug).    Are you saying you would enjoy it if Black women critiqued or found fault with Black women more?  What good would really come from that Legacy?  Aren't we divided enough as it is?   It seems as if that's what you are suggesting needs to be done more.  Am I bullshyting now or doing tricknowledge on this one too?  What is it that you want Black women to do?

[MzSheel]

Ya know, Bambi... most men are visual creatures, and a woman that has nothing or little to attract him in the first place, is not likely to get a chance to show her heart to him unless they were friends first.  While "beauty" is not necessarily a determining factor, attraction to the individual is important as well. 

I think sometimes we black women especially, use that some men can be shallow as an excuse not to better our physical selves - not to be more attractive to men, but just to be healthy and even feel better about ourselves.  We "demand" that they accept us as we are, and want them to love/desire us in our bountifulness!   

Now that I've said that, let me contradict myself by making it personal.  I have always wanted someone to want me - not for my physical self, but for the person that I am - because I realize that beauty can fade and then they have to accept what's left.  I wanted someone that would see me - the PERSON as beautiful - whether I'm a size 6-8 or a size 26/28 (boy, that's quite a range, huh!).

When I met/married my husband, I was a size 6-8, but the past three years, I have been gaining weight - even though my eating habits remained the same.  I have been very frustrated watching my burgeoning waistline.  Throughout everything, my husband has been supportive and I STILL catch him "catching a peek" when I wear low-cut blouse or something!  He still sees me as attractive (though I don't) because he sees who I am and not just what I offer (physically).

Now, luckily, in my case, I just finished a battery of medical tests last week and they've discovered the root of the problem, which I can have corrected that is causing the weight gain - so my situation will stabilize and my weight returned to normal soon.  But before that, he didn't know if I was sneaking and eating my head off (I wasn't) or what was going on.  His emphasis wasn't on my size but on me...

but had I been heavy (which I now consider myself - not grossly obese or anything) when he met me, I honestly don't know if he would have stepped to me or not (he SWEARS he would have! LOL).

There are times when - like me, my weight gained turned out to be something that is medically-induced... so when someone makes a snap judgment about an overweight woman (poor lifestyle choices, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, etc.), they may just be wrong and missing out on an oppty to know a wonder woman - based solely on her dress size.

[Legacy]

What a crock of shyt. Black women critique white women ALL THE TIME!

I can't say that I've seen a lot of that in real life or here on the boards... maybe you SEE things that are not really there. (shrug).    Are you saying you would enjoy it if Black women critiqued or found fault with Black women more?  What good would really come from that Legacy?  Aren't we divided enough as it is?   It seems as if that's what you are suggesting needs to be done more.  Am I bullshyting now or doing tricknowledge on this one too?  What is it that you want Black women to do?

I'm saying black women should be *at least* as willing to critique themselves for the purposes of bettering the group as they are willing to critique others. If you can talk about "gold digging" brothas are it relates to dating surely you can talk about overweight & obese sistas. If you can talk about YBM w/ with saggin pants, surely you can talk about YBW with short cut hip huggers with their thongs & asses out. If you can talk about BM & their thirst for punani contributing to out of wedlock children, etc, you can surely take about these fast @ss lil hot mamas getting bucket nekkid ALL OVER THE INTERNET & hooking up w/ any & every piece of dyck they can find.

I've always acknowledged all of those problems but I never (or rarely at least) initially post anything negative about BW. However, I have continuously pointed out what else could be discussed about BW when folx here go on BM rants. I'm sure I can get an amen on that one.

I'm calling for what I've always called for you chica's on this board to do. Have some balance & be objective.

Oh... & you're NEVER that worried about dividing black folx when you critique black men.. EVER,....

[Bambi eyes]

Oh... & you're NEVER that worried about dividing black folx when you critique black men.. EVER,....

Maybe that's because I don't see my critique of black men as dividing black people. 
Again, I date black men, so when I'm critiquing them it is based on what I find is affecting the way I see them.  The comments I've made are not directed toward a class of people which would then become divisive depending on what's being said but is directed toward men that will be in the dating pool that I am choosing from.  If I were dating asian and white men, they'd be critiqued too... and I wouldn't be doing it to try and divide the asians or whites, that's strange that you would even see it that way. 

I say something negative about men who are black that wear loose pants and I am then all of the sudden dividing black people...I'm not even thinking about it in black or white, I'm looking at it from a female perspective... what is it I don't find attractive about some black men period... black people as a whole never even comes into the picture.

Look... you always revert back to that sagging pants issue whenever you are not being agreed with on an issue. It's boring me to tears already!!  I'm not interested in having that discussion with you anymore because as far as I'm concerned it's been hashed and rehashed over and over again and the viewpoint still remains the same.  I don't like seeing men... ANY MEN!!! Men who I or someone I know might want to date, wearing those god awful pants.  And I'm not dividing black people when I say that. So drop it.

[Legacy]

Ya know, Bambi... most men are visual creatures, and a woman that has nothing or little to attract him in the first place, is not likely to get a chance to show her heart to him unless they were friends first.  While "beauty" is not necessarily a determining factor, attraction to the individual is important as well. 

Yeah, because women are attracted to personality & IQ 1 minute into a conversation w/ someone they don't know from Adam? We're ALL visual creatures, not just men. You know from jump street when you see a guy if he's attractive to you or not.

Beauty is what people see initially. Hopefully, over time that will matter less & less if you have a solid relationship. However, in some cases, both the man & the woman want someone physically attractive. It happens. There's no formula to prevent it.

The idea that it's a mortal sin for a man or woman to allow looks to play a role in determining their partner is asinine. You can't make people want what they don't want.



@ BE....

I didn't say you were dividing black folx by what you said. However, your critique is *divided* because you generally address one group only. The saggin pants issue is just an example of the one-sidedness I'm talking about since you didn't criticize young girls w/ their @sses out. This has nothing to do with your fashion preference but rather who you focus on.

The point is you have no such reservations about critiquing BM. You should also have no such reservations about critiquing BW. It's checkers, not chess.

[Bambi eyes]

Now, luckily, in my case, I just finished a battery of medical tests last week and they've discovered the root of the problem, which I can have corrected that is causing the weight gain - so my situation will stabilize and my weight returned to normal soon.  But before that, he didn't know if I was sneaking and eating my head off (I wasn't) or what was going on.  His emphasis wasn't on my size but on me...

but had I been heavy (which I now consider myself - not grossly obese or anything) when he met me, I honestly don't know if he would have stepped to me or not (he SWEARS he would have! LOL).

Mz. Sheel,  I am glad you were able to pinpoint the problem and get help for it.    
I realize that men are visual and that this is basically how they operate when it comes to picking females.  Bee's go to pollinate the most vibrant and colorful flowers...it's just a natural thing.  But what I'm not understanding is why they won't just admit it instead of dancing around the issue.  If you would go for #1 then just say so, no need to hide or try to appear as if all that other stuff is equally as important, because truthfully a man's whole make up is one that supports chasing beauty first and foremost.

As for hubby's insistence that he would have chased you even if you were a tank, well it is possible for people (men too) to transcend the petty and superficial and realize what it is they are getting in the full package, so he may just be telling you exactly like it is.  I don't doubt that men have feelings despite the overwhelming natural inclination they also have to let the visual overrule the heart mind and soul.

[MzSheel]

Yeah, because women are attracted to personality & IQ 1 minute into a conversation w/ someone they don't know from Adam? We're ALL visual creatures, not just men. You know from jump street when you see a guy if he's attractive to you or not.

I believe that most women tend to be more accepting of a man that they may not have found initially attractive if he has other things working for him.  For example, if he's not all that "cute," but he's dressed really well or if he's athletic or is doing something else that impresses her.  It is a combination of attributes that attracts a woman.  See, cause for most, a dyck ain't everything (they are less than a dime a dozen, ya know).  For some women, their shallowness tends to be more in the area of material wealth.  The saying is that there is no such thing as an ugly RICH man.  Looks, of course, are important (for whatever that individual finds attractive, for example, Kate Hudson said she prefers quirky looking men).  For others, the deal breaker is in height. 

We ALL have our area of shallowness, but overall (IMHO) for a lot of women, the initial physical beauty isn't the #1 qualifier.

The idea that it's a mortal sin for a man or woman to allow looks to play a role in determining their partner is asinine. You can't make people want what they don't want.

ahem.... I believe that is the point I was trying to make!

[Bambi eyes]

I'm talking about since you didn't criticize young girls w/ their @sses out.

I did too.  Don't even try to tell that lie.  I just didn't do it to the level you were satisfied with.  The problem is , if I don't write 25 sentences about black men followed by 25 sentences about black women or in that case YBW, you catch a tude.  I said what I had to say about both, it's just that when I say stuff about black women, I don't have you following behind me trying to denounce and reject what I say every step of the way... as a matter of fact, I get silence from you whenever something negative is said about a woman.  It's like you want people to start threads about black women but then nobody visits them or has anything to say so you get mad.   I don't have time to be weighing the scales to see if I'm doing a good job of critiquing bw and bm equally, I just post what is on my mind and leave the rest to the commenters.  I can always find you in my BM post, but I don't SEE you nearly as much in my or anybody elses (for that matter)  BW posts unless of course a black man is starting the thread.  As you like to say "Miss me with that bullshyt"  okay.    Miss me with all of that and we're cool... cause when I have something negative to say about fat black women that I care to say, then I will say it. Period.

[devineone]

Ya know, Bambi... most men are visual creatures, and a woman that has nothing or little to attract him in the first place, is not likely to get a chance to show her heart to him unless they were friends first.  While "beauty" is not necessarily a determining factor, attraction to the individual is important as well. 

Yeah, because women are attracted to personality & IQ 1 minute into a conversation w/ someone they don't know from Adam? We're ALL visual creatures, not just men. You know from jump street when you see a guy if he's attractive to you or not.

Beauty is what people see initially. Hopefully, over time that will matter less & less if you have a solid relationship. However, in some cases, both the man & the woman want someone physically attractive. It happens. There's no formula to prevent it.

The idea that it's a mortal sin for a man or woman to allow looks to play a role in determining their partner is asinine. You can't make people want what they don't want.

Legacy, you're arguing a moot point.  No one ever said that men and women were not visual creatures.  No one said it is a mortal sin to be attracted to someone who looks good to you.
Nobody said it is a mortal sin for men and women to allow looks to play a role in deteriming their partner.  You're coming out of the blue with that.  No body even said that.  You're fussing about something that isn't even an issue.   We were talking about what tips the balance given that all things are relatively the same.  I answered it in my Forest Whitaker example. 

No one is telling guys they have to go out with a Rasfusia from Norbit, of course not.  We are just observing that more often than not, guys put more emphasis on outward appearances than what is on the inside and that doesn't mean that a woman has to be ugly on the outside and ONLY have inner beauty any more than it means a woman can be beautiful on the outside and ONLY ugliness on the inside no one is making it one or the other, rather we were talking about degrees.

 I think you missed the point and started reading into the debate what was not there, then we got off into this who pays for what on a date and all of that... Man we really are projecting here. 
You don't have to tell me about advocating for guys, I grew up with 4 brothers and hell yeah I'll give them a hard time when it is warranted but I have their back too! 

All of those traits you named about women parading around naked wearing clothes more off than on, what is the point in bringing all of that up?  Of course that is inappropriate behavior and my niece who is 13 knows better than to dress like that.  That goes without saying.

I too, don't like seeing guys walk around with their butts hanging out of their pants anymore than I wouldn't like seeing women walking around half naked.   Why use such extreme examples to debate something that nobody is even bringing up that needs to be debated.

I have a brother who married a woman based on her looks, and it was a big mistake for him that he got out of 4 years later when her character started to come out. 

All we were saying is that men more often than not will go for the most attractive woman and
bypass the somewhat attractive woman, even if the somewhat attractive woman is golden inside and the super attractive woman is silver inside.  I make this statement based on my own observations with my brothers and my male friends.  You make your statements based on your own observations.

We all have a right to debate it, but at the same time we have to realize that we're all coming to the table with our own personal experiences and those can tend to cloud our ability to view the debate objectively. 

For whatever reason, it is an important issue/concern to you about who pays for what when you're out on a date, but that doesn't make it an issue for the rest of us and that is OK.  We all have different experiences/concerns and issues and it doesn't make someone right, just different or perhaps not compatible.

But we don't have to hammer our point home and beat the other person over the head with it and I wasn't meaning to come across that way.

I'd be more than happy to have a thread about these fast tail girls dressing like hookers, getting pregnant and doing everything but going to school getting an education and becoming an empowered educated woman.  Hey I'm all for that!!

I'd be more than happy to talk about obesity and the health problems it causes in men and women.  I think I already commented that I didn't find obesity attractive.

I'm going to watch that movie called the Great debators because I've heard how wonderful it is.  I think the art to debating is not to get so defensive, but to be able to engage in dialogue, see different viewpoints, learn from what everyone has to say, not put people down because of their opinions and experiences and come away a more enriched person from having engaged in a debate.

[devineone]

I'm talking about since you didn't criticize young girls w/ their @sses out.

I did too.  Don't even try to tell that lie.  I just didn't do it to the level you were satisfied with.  The problem is , if I don't write 25 sentences about black men followed by 25 sentences about black women or in that case YBW, you catch a tude.  I said what I had to say about both, it's just that when I say stuff about black women, I don't have you following behind me trying to denounce and reject what I say every step of the way... as a matter of fact, I get silence from you whenever something negative is said about a woman.  It's like you want people to start threads about black women but then nobody visits them or has anything to say so you get mad.   I don't have time to be weighing the scales to see if I'm doing a good job of critiquing bw and bm equally, I just post what is on my mind and leave the rest to the commenters.  I can always find you in my BM post, but I don't SEE you nearly as much in my or anybody elses (for that matter)  BW posts unless of course a black man is starting the thread.  As you like to say "Miss me with that bullshyt"  okay.    Miss me with all of that and we're cool... cause when I have something negative to say about fat black women that I care to say, then I will say it. Period.

It's that tit for tat, this for that, tallying up, keeping score attitude that is pervasive Bambi...know what I mean?

[Legacy]

@ MzSheel...

My only point was that women are visual. I wasn't in total disagreement with your statement. My comment about mortal sin was hyperbole, not an spear at you specifically.
However, people spout that men are visual & women look at the inside crap like it's the gospel. You know, kinda like women cheat for emotional reasons? Oh, that was emotional when he was smackin your ass & bangin your world? Silly me, I thought there was a physical component to that. I stand corrected.

@ Bambi...

You don't talk about BW as a whole as much as you talk about BM. Don't make me get in the archives. You know I will. I got that eye like this..

http://i8.tinypic.com/6g1sdwl.jpg

I *refuse* to even argue that point with you..

It's that tit for tat, this for that, tallying up, keeping score attitude that is pervasive Bambi...know what I mean?

Another lame diversionary tactic women use to divert attention from less than equitable situations.

NOPE!

http://i8.tinypic.com/6g1sdwl.jpg

Also, if you observe that men look on the outside more wouldn't this effort better be used to tell sistas who are (based on statistics) 78% overweight & 50% obese to work that out, like literally? That doesn't really sound like a problem with black men being shallow. Being overweight &/or obese is unattractive to most people male & female. It's not like BM are the only folx who don't favor larger mates & everyone else on the planet does. And please miss me with this "women are deeper" nonsense. No, women have a different set of needs, period. A big man offers a lot more security psychologically than a pip squeak @ss dude so there's some trade off there. If a man doesn't like big women, there is no trade off. He's just off.. to the races..

[Bambi eyes]

You don't talk about BW as a whole as much as you talk about BM. Don't make me get in the archives. You know I will. I got that eye like this..

Uhuh... okay... so now it's not AS much ... before it was I don't do it period... okay.   Like I said, I wouldn't have nearly as much to say in those threads about black men if it weren't for you following behind every post I make with a defensive rejection.  Again, if you watched as closely after me with your denoucing and rejection pattern in the BW post, you would see me having just as much to say. 

Go ahead and knock yourself out , I'm well aware of what I do and don't post and how much of it I post... the point is you will notice that I make comments as I choose to make them and not just for the sake of keeping things fair.  While you're at it go find the thread I made about mother's letting their daughter's wear those obnoxious juicy pants... not the most recent one, the one that goes back a few years when those things first came out... I didn't see you over in that thread either... comment was made, you said nothing for or against it, and that was all I had to say on the subject, case closed.  Understand this, the more someone responds to something I write, the more I respond... it's called discussion.... if no one wants to discuss it, then you won't get further comment from me on it.  And sometime I'll just pass a thread by because I don't have enough knowledge about it to add to the discussion in a meaningful way.

Miss me miss me miss me... 

[devineone]

Legacy,
I've posted some topic threads up and you haven't visited my threads does that mean you don't like me

So now I have to keep a running tally on what I post especially when it comes down to issues of men and women.LOL   The old battle of the sexes. 

 

[Legacy]

@ BE...

http://i15.tinypic.com/6bk016v.jpg

Just stop. You're playing games. You don't have to be provoked or invited into any post (or to make a post yourself) about BM when you have a critique. If you do talk about BW, it's after I bring the shyt up. Like you did when you made the post about the BW who put her baby in the microwave. I'm the one who provoked that in a post were you were all over BM & if you say otherwise, you're lying.

FOH!

@DO

This board has a long history. I don't always have an interest in covering a lot of old shyt even tho it might be new to you. Sorry.

@ the XX's

And in this post, y'all are still ducking the issue. Y'all can pontificate about BM and how BW are so much deeper for looking at the person on the inside. And how BM need to value a person's character & personality  Blah, Blah, Blah.....

UH HELLO! The issue is BW & weight problems. Like always, you mofos can't stay on task for 5 minutes when the convo is critiquing BW. I addressed your comments just to see how eager you would be to deal with that rather than to deal with the topic. Can't say I'm not surprised.

Please feel free to write one of them long ass epic posts about how BW are preventing themselves from getting men because they have poor eating habits & workout regimens (if they workout at all). When you had a chance to talk about WW taking black men, no problem. When it's about BM being on DL, no problem. When it's too many BM in jail or not enough in school, no problem.

But when it's about BW not being as attractive to BM because of weight issues..

***** CRICKETS ******

Yeah, I won't be holding my breath. I'm sure ya'll will try to turn the focus back to me or use some other diversionary tactic to avoid the *real* issue.

NOPE!

http://i8.tinypic.com/6g1sdwl.jpg

[devineone]

Legacy in your ranting, did you not read what I wrote about obesity?  Because I did address it.  I am not for it and never said that I was. 

What do you want me to say?  You seem to get so angry in your tirade that you fail to see what is actually being said.  I never said I found obesity attractive.  I've addressed it a couple of times in this topic post.

You want us to be objective yet you're not practicing what you preach, you're not seeing what is written in this post about the subject.

Nobody is saying that women should get a free pass just because they are fat.
You remind me of my Grandmother, she was a domineering stubborn woman, but I loved her dearly and miss her to this day.  She'd do anything for you, but she knew everything and you couldn't tell her anything.  Once she made up her mind about something, once she decided your character trait, there was no budging her.

Even if you go back and tell her, Bigmama, I get it, I see what you're talking about, she'd still be off on a rant about the time you DIDN'T see what she was talking about and she'd be so busy fussing about that time, that she totally missed THIS time.

I loved her but I couldn't have a conversation with her.