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Author Topic: Beware the pitfalls of a rich woman  (Read 57931 times)
Ndgo
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« Reply #45 on: April 29, 2008, 08:00:45 PM »

... nowadays, women are earning more money than ever before, which means their mate-vetting process is likely to get a bit more finicky.

Many UMWs feel if they earn a lofty salary, they should be with someone who earns an equivalent or higher wage.

I'm not reading through all the back and forth... somebody will have to write the cliff-notes or give me the long to short.... BUT my take on the whole subject is this.... for a woman, it never pays to date down.... and **I** would definitely advise women not to even THINK about marrying that same fool .. that's it in a nutshell.   Grin 

Far too many have been there, done that... many, many books have been written about it... shoot, it's all over the news... look at Elizabeth Taylor, Roseanne Barr, Zsa Zsa Gabor... and even more recently, Star Jones, Teri McMillian.... whew.... see what happened when they married down?  Shocked

My advice.... don't do it... you'll save yourself some heartache and some cash....  Wink
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Legacy
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« Reply #46 on: April 29, 2008, 08:24:04 PM »

GOOD GOD DAYUM! A MOVEMENT HAS STARTED! THE TRUTH FIGHTERS ARE ON A MARCH!

This thread is ridiculous.  Yall are wildin out.  The facts are:  Men use women in relationships.  Women use men in relationships. 

That's pretty much the end of the post right there. Seriously, get off the victim shyt. Women use men & men use women, period.

Women, yall cannot be up in here chastising men for 'paying for pucci' and then be up in another thread yapping about you wouldn't date a man who doesn't pay for dates or chase your stankin ass or whatever else.  And if he's paying for dates, guess what he's after?   BINGO!  Pucci!  Maybe not tonight, maybe not Saturday night, but oh yes, I am after it.  And if you ain't trying to give it up, I will take my date-paying for self to someone who will.  Supply and demand.  Why pay more than the going rate? 

OH SHYT!! HE POINTED OUT THAT HYPOCRISY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Let me make it plain. They just want it their way... No point in looking for consistency!  Cheesy


Another newsflash to those women who think that there is something special about them by virtue of that thing between their legs---that they can control a man or keep him or whatever because "it's so gooood."   It is good, it's pucci.  But it's not special.  They're all pretty much the same. 

HAHAHAHAHA!! They still think the pusci equals entitlements!! GUESS WHAT? NOPE!!!

It's 2008!!! Your pusci entitlement coupons are EXPIRED!!!!

HOORAY EQUALITY!!!!!

 Cheesy
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devineone
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« Reply #47 on: April 29, 2008, 08:33:03 PM »

Wow Roll Eyes interesting reads here from the guys.  So if the pusci ain't special, what makes a guy want to commit?  What makes a guy want marriage, in-laws, dirty diapers, and all of the other routine things?  What makes him want to give up half of his fabulous life?  What makes a woman special enough for a man to do that?
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« Reply #48 on: April 29, 2008, 08:57:48 PM »

So if the pusci ain't special, what makes a guy want to commit?  What makes a guy want marriage, in-laws, dirty diapers, and all of the other routine things?  What makes him want to give up half of his fabulous life?  What makes a woman special enough for a man to do that?

You commit because you love a woman, not because you love her pucci.  Because life with her--warts and all-- is better than life without her.
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devineone
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« Reply #49 on: April 29, 2008, 09:32:08 PM »

So if the pusci ain't special, what makes a guy want to commit?  What makes a guy want marriage, in-laws, dirty diapers, and all of the other routine things?  What makes him want to give up half of his fabulous life?  What makes a woman special enough for a man to do that?

You commit because you love a woman, not because you love her pucci.  Because life with her--warts and all-- is better than life without her.
Interesting... I rarely hear guys talk about love.  Such a simple succinct answer but it says so much.  I just hear about the pusci and rarely hear guys talk about love much less how they value it; at least I haven't heard much talk of love coming from guys so far on this site.  There has to be something that sets the woman you're committed to apart from the rest, because all women as stated in an earlier post have the "goodies" so love is the deciding factor.
And on that note, since love is such an individual thing, no need to ask, what makes a man fall in love with a woman, that's too complicated, it's as different as beauty, love is in the mind and heart of the beholder, just as beauty is in the eye.  Wink
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« Reply #50 on: April 29, 2008, 10:35:13 PM »

Wow Roll Eyes interesting reads here from the guys.  So if the pusci ain't special, what makes a guy want to commit?  What makes a guy want marriage, in-laws, dirty diapers, and all of the other routine things?  What makes him want to give up half of his fabulous life?  What makes a woman special enough for a man to do that?
To me, a life mate is someone you love to come home to.  It's pretty simple.

In recent years, there have been two women who have been long-time friends that I wanted more than friendship from later on.  In each case, when I told them how I felt, there was a simple addition: being with her is a treat.  In each case, every time I was with one of them, it felt so good, and when we would be about to part, I'd have that "miss you already" feeling.  It didn't matter what we did, whether it was going out for lunch, taking a walk in a mall, relaxing and talking at her place or mine, or even being with a bigger group of people - in every case, being with her was a treat, and I want more of that in my life.

It's not easily explained.  I can't break out a checklist of attributes that they possess that made me feel this way about them - invariably, something would be missing.  This is one of those things that words can't possibly hope to describe.

And I can identify with what Vance said here.  A few years ago, I dated a woman with whom, in retrospect, I could surely have consummated the relationship if I wanted to.  But I didn't feel like taking that step, especially because we never got that deep in the dating phase.  I never felt about her the way I felt about the two women I alluded to earlier.  (Oddly enough, based purely on looks, she's also more attractive than the other two.)

For me, it was not and is not about "getting some", unless by that, we mean "getting some" quality time.  With the two women I alluded to earlier, I got lots of quality time and I loved every minute of it, every case of them growing on me over the years.  They are still friends of mine and I still enjoy their company immensely when I see them.
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Vance87
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« Reply #51 on: April 29, 2008, 10:40:29 PM »

So if the pusci ain't special, what makes a guy want to commit?  What makes a guy want marriage, in-laws, dirty diapers, and all of the other routine things?  What makes him want to give up half of his fabulous life?  What makes a woman special enough for a man to do that?

You commit because you love a woman, not because you love her pucci.  Because life with her--warts and all-- is better than life without her.
Interesting... I rarely hear guys talk about love.  Such a simple succinct answer but it says so much.  I just hear about the pusci and rarely hear guys talk about love much less how they value it; at least I haven't heard much talk of love coming from guys so far on this site.  There has to be something that sets the woman you're committed to apart from the rest, because all women as stated in an earlier post have the "goodies" so love is the deciding factor.
And on that note, since love is such an individual thing, no need to ask, what makes a man fall in love with a woman, that's too complicated, it's as different as beauty, love is in the mind and heart of the beholder, just as beauty is in the eye.  Wink



See devineone Starchild came through for you...lol. But seriously his answer is right on.  Puccie is good. But a good woman who knows how to tap into a man's heart is priceless. The woman who takes the time to know and understand her man is typically a good listener but more importantly understands that staying on her 'WOMAN" game is "key" is also an appeal to us, as well as a responsibility for her. I find that women who consistently keep male companionship have more answers in regards to how they handle their "woman" business, than speculations and pronouncements about what men want, need, should be, should do, are not, etc...etc

Your response to starchild is more in line with the individual I was reading up until a week or so ago...lol
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« Reply #52 on: April 29, 2008, 11:18:01 PM »

See devineone Starchild came through for you...lol. But seriously his answer is right on.  Puccie is good. But a good woman who knows how to tap into a man's heart is priceless. The woman who takes the time to know and understand her man is typically a good listener but more importantly understands that staying on her 'WOMAN" game is "key" is also an appeal to us, as well as a responsibility for her. I find that women who consistently keep male companionship have more answers in regards to how they handle their "woman" business, than speculations and pronouncements about what men want, need, should be, should do, are not, etc...etc

Your response to starchild is more in line with the individual I was reading up until a week or so ago...lol
What exactly do you mean by "woman game" and handling her "woman business".  I'm not clear on that?  Can you describe what you mean?
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« Reply #53 on: April 30, 2008, 09:40:13 AM »

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Of men who pay for sex, most don't pay for the sex per se, they pay for the woman to LEAVE after the sex.  No strings.  No shopping for window treatments on weekends, or visits to the in-laws', or anything else.  A service.

Starchild,

I’m not really buying that explanation on why they pay for sex because as a man, you really don’t have to pay to have no strings, no shopping for window treatments, no in-laws or any of that… there are plenty of men out there who have no problem with doing a drive by phuck and go without paying much more than the price of a dinner… you can’t convince me that a man would choose to pay $500, $1,000, $3,000 dollars just to be able to phuck and go when he can just as easily do it by not bothering to return a phone call, giving her the wrong damned number, and basically making like a ghost after he’s gotten what he wants.  Like you said, why pay when you don’t have to… if the GOOD puzzie is so easy to come by, just pay your little $25.99 for the cheap dinner, take her back to her place, phuck her and YOU leave (no need for her to GO anywhere. Wink  Over and done with.  It’s got to be more to it than that, cause you can’t tell me a guy has any qualms about doing a phuck and go on just a regular everyday non-working girl… they do it all the time.

As for all puzzie being the same… well I really wouldn’t know how it is for you men, but for a woman all dyck is not the same.  There is definitely a big difference between GOOD dyck, Bad Dyck and really bad… shyt did you say that was dyck? Angry  Hahahah.  Cheesy I would think it would be the same for a man, but won’t even go there since I wouldn’t be able to knowledgeably argue with you on that one.


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I guess if you say so Bambi. You and many other women would do yourselves a huge favor if many of you would stop drinking your own kool-aid. I don't mind you all making gratuitous comments in regards to what makes you all tick, but the bad habit too many of you have with QUALIFYING for men their levels or expectations in terms of fulfillment get real tired. But hey we all got opinions right?


Vance,  you’ll notice that I did say as much when I said the following to Legacy…

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I guess I really can't defend this position because I really wouldn't know what you guys consider "good puzzy"

But that doesn’t mean I can’t draw opinion based on the evidence presented to me.  What I see is a whole lot of men out there keeping the million, possibly billion dollar prostitution industry alive and kicking with their very own money.  If that doesn’t indicate that men place a high value on Puzzy, I don’t know what does. 

I also see that practically every rap video out there has scores of women shaking their azzes in the screen to the lyrics that pay homage to a woman’s booty, breast or sex.  These male rappers are not putting these videos out for the benefit of women, they’re not talking about these things for a woman’s sake, and it’s not just women who are keeping their behinds in business.  You all are watching these videos and buying this music for a reason… and it’s not just for the beat either, perhaps it has a little bit to do with enjoying watching women show their goodies Huh

Then there’s the porn industry. Men also keep this industry alive and kicking, paying their hard earned money just to get a glimpse of a females goodies… if you don’t place high value on the puzzie then why are you all keeping these industries up and running so well?  Why are you spending your hard earned money on the puzzie that means so very little to you?  Then you have the guy who will spend a good amount of his paycheck taking women out on dates to secure the puzzie (as Starchild alluded to below)  This is no news to me, I already said in another post what I think the dating process is really all about and it mirrors Starchild's comments, but the question then becomes, if puzzie isn’t worth much, and if GOOD puzzie isn’t something worth getting, then why pray tell would you even bother to go through the process… why not just save your damned money and go get free puzzie?  I’m not qualifying for men their level of expectations, I’m just going by what I see you all putting your money towards.  If puzzie wasn’t of value to you, and if you didn’t really care one way or the other about it, wouldn’t you all be putting your money to much better use? 

I know I only put my money towards things that mean something to me, I don’t just go dropping da Benjamin’s on nonsense, if I’m paying my money you best believe what I’m paying for has value to me. Cheesy



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A comedian If my memory serves me once said if puzzy was a stock it would be trading at an all time low. His point was that women themselves don't value their "puzzy" themselves by the way they give it away. And I can attest as from the male perspective that getting puzzy is by far not on any list of most difficult things to get. 


No one said it was difficult to get… what I said was you guys will go to astronomical lengths to obtain GOOD puzzie… and that once you find it, you’re not so eager to complain about who earns how much, cause as far as you’re concerned, you’ve already saved yourself a ton of money by not having to pay for it, and/or not having to do the weekend shopping, and follow up things that Starchild mentioned.

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I'll also throw you another bone from a man who's lived a little.


Speaking of condensation, this is as condescending as it gets… the only thing I know that seeks out and gets excited over a bone is a dog… so save those bones for Rover please, this site is for men and women. Kiss 


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Don't nothing beat what you refer to as "good puzzie" like MORE. If you want the raw truth men crave abundance and variety more than anything else in terms of sexual stimulus and needs. This world is littered with the crushed and devastated state of minds of very attractive and probably sexually proficient women who can't believe or understand how or why her mate cheated.

I believe that.  The proof surrounds us, especially in the black community where our neighborhoods are littered with fatherless children and way to many half sisters and brothers.  But I would think that a man would easily and willingly trade MORE puzzie which does not necessarily guarantee goodness or disease free status for one GOOD puzzie that is always available, dependable, more than suiteable, disease free, and best of all, ALL his.  Maybe there are some men out there who would pick quantity over quality, but if that was the case, the marriage industry wouldn’t be alive and kicking either… now would it?  Why get married if you want variety and abundance.  Marrying generally requires that you pick and stick with just one.



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As a matter of fact if more women would keep quiet long  enough and listen to the perspectives of men, they would learn a lot about what truly makes many of us tick. Instead many appear to want to "validate" themselves at our expense. Typically using the least successful and marginal of our lot to paint us all. 


I tend to agree, women do need to listen more.  And I also agree that it is unfair to paint all of you based on the many of you that phuck up.  But I think it goes without saying that on the board when we talk about men and women, no one is referring to ALL MEN when we say “Men”, we are referring to the men/women that we’ve had experiences with or that we have observed during our day to day interactions.  We are talking about the average joe.  If it doesn’t pertain to you, don’t take ownership of the critique and don’t feel the need to defend those who do fit the profile.  I don’t know you well enough to paint you in any color Vance, but I do know enough men who do fit the profile I mentioned, so I’m talking about them, not you.  Forgive me for not putting the word some in front of my statements here about men, I’ll try to remember to do that in the future.


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As to your financial assertions; your ability to obtain your own financial independence doesn't carry over in terms of "value" with men like ours does with you. That's the skinny of it all. It's also a big azz clue for the rather successful(financially) of your lot who continuously remain manless and wrap yourself in this faux sense of contentment so that lonely reality is easier to deal with.


My financial assertions were that Men don’t complain about women who earn less because basically they are getting the value in another way…and I used Good Puzzie as just one example that I’ve seen and hear men talk about all the time.  It’s a known fact that a man who is getting satisfied in the bedroom is a much quieter, less complaining, less cheating, and less disagreeable man period.   The men who you see walking around with unhappy faces are usually the ones who are not getting the puzzie the way they want it and feel as if they are also being taken advantage of financially and ignored within their relationship.

So, I said that men go to astronomical lengths to find Good Puzzie in order to avoid these problems and once they find it they don’t complain about who earns what because it’s irrelevant to them, as long as they are getting what they want in bed.  When Legacy countered that by changing my words around to say that women go to astronomical lengths to obtain financial security I merely stated that this is not true,  because a women does not have to find a man in order to obtain financial security, all she has to do is get an education and a job, however unless a man wants to phuck another man Cheesy, or settle for questionable (diseased, due for retirement, stank, woeful, loose, confused and pitiful) puzzy Tongue he will usually have to put some effort into finding a woman that has what he is seeking.  And from the looks of things, men will spend an inordinate amount of money trying to secure that women and her good puzzy.  It is what it is…

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Men don't grave nor need your financial prowess. Our needs are actually quite basic, but require you all to get it so that marrying or committing to monogamous relationships are WORTH IT TO US.


You don’t crave or need a woman’s financial prowess.  But you cannot speak for the general population of men out there.  As you can see from the responses on the board by women posters by and large women here have come across more than a few men out there who do crave and actively seek out women who are financially well off and they do take advantage of them. So while Vance may not crave it, that doesn’t mean other men out there don’t.  Again, when talking about men in general, what is said here doesn’t hold true across the board, it is based on each individual’s experience. 

 


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Bullshyt..  Do you know how many fine women I have dated? BAWAHAHA!! Shyt, I had a long list of em before I graduated college & ain't have no dayum money.

Does fine=good puzzy though? 

Not necessarily just like ugly (or less than gorgeous) doesn't equal bad pusci.


Legacy,
Then my question is why did you bother to throw that in the conversation.  Nobody said anything about fine women… we were discussing good puzzy and since good puzzi doesn’t equal fine women then what is your point?

Actually what you’ve said here goes against your whole argument though…

If you’ve dated so many fine women and didn’t have any money then how is it that you can say that women go to astronomical lengths to secure themselves financially.  Obviously they weren’t practicing this when it came to you cause you didn’t have any money and they dated you anyway… so what astronomical lengths were they going to, if money was all that is on a women’s mind when she’s seeking a mate then wouldn’t these fine women have skipped right on past your broke behind?

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But many DON'T get an education & would rather have a man take care of them.

Legacy, I'll have you know that Black women take the lead in seeking higher education in this country... we outnumber black men in college enrollment... so what's that you're saying about many of us not getting an education?    What FACT is that based on?     There was an article about that in the NY Times or the Journal... and it specifically stated that women out number men in their enrollment in higher education.  I'll see if I can find the article.

No need. We know more women are going to school these days. However, women still have more non college grads than grads. I believe that's this is still the case for every group breakdown by race & gender. Also, a BW w/ a masters on average makes about the same as a BM w/ a bachelors. The discrepancies in education don't necessarily equal a discrepancy in income so that whole concept is exaggerated at best.

The discrepancy in education doesn’t equal the discrepancy in income true, but we’re not talking about income here when you flat out say “Many (women) don’t get an education and would rather a man take care of them”. We are talking about education.  You said that women would rather have a man take care of them.  If that was true then why would women even bother to seek higher education in ways that outnumber men?  Obviously we would rather take care of our own selves and earn our own way then be dependent on a man. 

The fact that we earn less doing that is irrelevant.  Being financially secure does not require that you earn more than a man does, it just requires you to have a steady paying decent job. So telling me who earns more is irrelevant.  And when you say that women still have more non college grads than grads are you also accounting for those teen pregnancies that result in a women having to interrupt her educational aspirations in order to physically care for that offspring in those figures? 

Do men have to quit school to have babies or can they just continue on with their aspirations with little consequence? Who usually ends up staying behind to take care of the baby?  Perhaps that is the reason for the difference in male grads vs. female grads. Did you ever think of that?

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If you say that men who date women who earn less don't complain because they're being satisfied in other ways (sex/partners looks) then the same is true women who date men who aren't handsome & don't complain because they satisfied in other ways (money).

Agreed. I never said the same wasn’t true for women.  But you said that men deserve credit and that they have more depth because they don’t complain about this like women do and that is what I disagreed with you on.  Why should a man get credit for accepting a women who earns less when he’s being satisfied in other ways?  Does a woman deserve credit for not complaining  when she’s being satisfied in other ways? 

This was the problem I had with that remark… it’s as if you are trying to praise men for something they really don’t deserve praise for anymore than a women would deserve praise for it.


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I find that women who consistently keep male companionship have more answers in regards to how they handle their "woman" business, than speculations and pronouncements about what men want, need, should be, should do, are not, etc...etc

Vance,

Without personalizing this too much, I will say that I have kept male companionship steadily since I began dating.  One relationship lasted close to 14 years and only ended when I had had enough of it. All the others were 3 years minimum, and then one horrible experience ended lickity split once I caught on to the game.  Currently the one I’m in has lasted 5 yrs and there’s no signs of an end in sight (knock on wood) Wink.  I say this because I think you should know that when I make comments on here, I am generally speaking from experience and am in no way shape or form in the dark or "speculating" about what men want, need, should be , should do, etc. or guessing at what it takes to find or keep a man. 

Unfortunately I do have experience with “treating” men and without fail the one’s who got treated took advantage and were in it for what they could get, not give… the one’s who were offered no treats did not take advantage because they could not (were not allowed to) take advantage. Now the one’s who were offered treats and refused them tended to be the one’s who had my best interest at heart and were most genuine and in my opinion MANLY.  So I agree with Susa’s statements based on experience not speculation.  Women who treat some Wink men often live to regret it and the same is probably true for men, but since we are women commenting on a women's experience we should not be expected to definitively state that the same is true for men, because really we don't know. 

I don't think any woman here has said that what Legacy is saying is untrue... we just can't confirm it because that hasn't been our experience. I can tell you for a fact though that women who treat men do tend to be taken advantage of period.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2008, 10:13:06 AM by Bambi eyes » Logged

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Vance87
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« Reply #54 on: April 30, 2008, 09:46:11 AM »

See devineone Starchild came through for you...lol. But seriously his answer is right on.  Puccie is good. But a good woman who knows how to tap into a man's heart is priceless. The woman who takes the time to know and understand her man is typically a good listener but more importantly understands that staying on her 'WOMAN" game is "key" is also an appeal to us, as well as a responsibility for her. I find that women who consistently keep male companionship have more answers in regards to how they handle their "woman" business, than speculations and pronouncements about what men want, need, should be, should do, are not, etc...etc

Your response to starchild is more in line with the individual I was reading up until a week or so ago...lol
What exactly do you mean by "woman game" and handling her "woman business".  I'm not clear on that?  Can you describe what you mean?

Sure not a problem; you'll have to excuse the slang terminology. A bad habit I have in informal discourse.
I simply mean that a woman would do well to concentrate more on self-refinement and improvement in regards to how she is perceived by her prospective mate and even when there is already a commitment/relationship. More time spent on making sure she is doing what she is suppose to in order to increase her appeal for "pursuit" by brothers (or any men) is I think an often neglected aspect in this game of life and love. Too often I find many of my sisters preaching from a stump of forgone conclusion, that brothas are happy or content "JUST BECAUSE".

DO since you have brothers, I wonder if you have ever heard them lament about many of their dating or past relationships issues with some of the women involved. I woudn't be surprised if candidness was permitted, that they were often annoyed by the little effort some of the women would put into making sure they worthy of the courtship, time, energy, and resources they "EXPECT" from what they call "real" men.

You may have heard them concede with eagerness the willingness to fulfill set expectations, but may just have some of their own also.  I can tell you with the utmost assuredness that many (by no means all) operate from a perch of entitlement and expectations that rarely places themselves under same scrutiny and expectations.

Equality and Independence typically stops where men's obligations (to women BECAUSE THEIR WOMEN) begin.

That she either through ACTIONS AND DEEDS  understands that men also expect reciprocity with our own list (which isn't entirely spelled out much like hers) is an encouraging and refreshing start. And such women are what I'm referring to as being on her "woman game" or handling her "woman business".

In other words I have enough work to do as a man to make sure that "my" shit is tight. I need to be aware that any sister of worth will and should expect nothing less but my best if i plan on being in her company for any extended period of time. This requires that I make sure Vance shit is tight or handling his man business.

But I expect and won't accept nothing less in return. My needs or expectations are not a foregone reality of "All's Good"
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Legacy
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« Reply #55 on: April 30, 2008, 10:09:12 AM »

@ BE

Uh,.. I also said this...

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The women who aren't in this situation are irrelevant. The ones that ARE in this situation are no different that the men who are getting a need met so they overlook other deficiencies. Again, no need to make a gender specific argument.

Obviously not all women are the same. I dated women who were into me, not into what I could provide for them financially even tho I ran across those types too. I weeded them heifas out quick. - NOPE!! HAHAHAHA! Also, needs change as people grow.

And I don't care about teen pregnancies. That's a WOMAN'S CHOICE to both lay with a man & have a baby if she becomes pregnant. If she chose that w/o considering how it would impact her ability to finish school (as if every women with a kid was destined to be  a rhodes scholar Roll Eyes ) then that's her fault. Stop trying to get special consider for women on every god dayum thing. Women makes choices just like men & they too have to deal with the consequences.

And if men shouldn't get any credit for dating women w/o money who are satisfied in other ways then women shouldn't get any credit for dating men who aren't extremely handsome but are satisfied in other ways. In other words, get off the women have more depth because they looking at a person's inner qualities nonsense. - LOL

What the fuck eva. Y'all wanna act like it's a charity case since it's obvious she's not getting something from the relationship & that's she's sacrificing being with Jamie Foxx or some shyt -  Roll Eyes

Puh-lease..


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« Reply #56 on: April 30, 2008, 10:19:51 AM »



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I simply mean that a woman would do well to concentrate more on self-refinement and improvement in regards to how she is perceived by her prospective mate and even when there is already a commitment/relationship. More time spent on making sure she is doing what she is suppose to in order to increase her appeal for "pursuit" by brothers (or any men) is I think an often neglected aspect in this game of life and love.
Thanks Vance for your response.  Can you be more specific about the self-refinement and improvement?  You're giving me answers but they are still broad and somewhat vague, self-refinement and self improvement in what exactly?

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DO since you have brothers, I wonder if you have ever heard them lament about many of their dating or past relationships issues with some of the women involved. I woudn't be surprised if candidness was permitted, that they were often annoyed by the little effort some of the women would put into making sure they worthy of the courtship, time, energy, and resources they "EXPECT" from what they call "real" men.

Two of my brothers are married now, two are single.    What do you mean by making sure women are worthy of the courtship, time, energy and resources?  What in your opinion and experiences, do you consider that women must do, act, say etc... in order to be worthy? 

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.  I can tell you with the utmost assuredness that many (by no means all) operate from a perch of entitlement and expectations that rarely places themselves under same scrutiny and expectations.
One of my brothers who is married has a wife who does everything for him.  He has it made, he works part time and is in school full time, she works full time to support the family, she buys his books for school, she cooks, washes his clothes, takes care of him.  She practically is his wife and mother.  He is always puffed up with pride bragging about how good his wife is to him. Whenever we get together for family outings, he's always bragging on how good his wife is to him.  This means a lot to him, because our mother was never the maternal type, we were really raised by our grandmother.  My mother can't cook if she tried and when she tried, we'd all rather she didn't.   So my brother married awoman who was the antithesis  of our mother. Anyway... at our family Christmas dinner, he was bragging as usual about his wife, and I asked him, what does he do for her, because all we hear and see is what she does for him.  He got this sort of deer in the headlights look  Shocked.  As if to say, "I'm supposed to reciprocate?  You mean I'm supposed to do something to?  I'm entitled to receive and she enjoys doing for me, so it's a mutual thing.  She likes doing and giving and I like receiving so it works out for us.  My sister and I just rolled our eyes Roll Eyes.  I wouldn't say their marriage is equal at all.
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« Reply #57 on: April 30, 2008, 10:24:30 AM »

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And I don't care about teen pregnancies. That's a WOMAN'S CHOICE to both lay with a man & have a baby if she becomes pregnant. If she chose that w/o considering how it would impact her ability to finish school (as if every women with a kid was destined to be  a rhodes scholar  ) then that's her fault. Stop trying to get special consider for woman on every god dayum thing. Women makes choices just like men & they too have to deal with consequences.

Nobody wants your phucking sympathy…that’s not even what this is about.  I am simply saying that when you go and say things like more men grads then women grads, you have to take into account all the circumstances that would make that statement true.  Nobody said anything about whose fault it was… must you be so obtuse?  I said did you account for the fact that the reason these numbers are what you say they are is partly because of teen age pregnancy… Hello… a women is obviously not going to graduate at the same rate as a man if she’s holed up in the hospital pumping out a baby and then holed up in the house having to take care of it… so your data is not factual if you are not accounting for all factors.  Men make choices too, but in the teen preganancy model, they do not suffer the same consequences.


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In other words, get off the women have more depth because they looking at a person's inner qualities nonsense. - LOL

When you look at the inner over the outer you do generally tend to have more depth.  Depth requires that you look past a person's outer qualities and see the person's heart and soul.  Depth does not mean you look past a person's financial standing and see a person's delightful puzzie.  The two don't compare.  

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« Reply #58 on: April 30, 2008, 10:30:12 AM »

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When you look at the inner over the outer you do generally tend to have more depth.  Depth requires that you look past a person's outer qualities and see the person's heart and soul.  Depth does not mean you look past a person's financial standing and see a person's delightful puzzie.  The two don't compare.
 
This what I said all along when I first posted under this topic thread.  I look for more than external..i.e. financial status, looks, all of that other stuff.  I look on the inside as well.  This is the person you have to live with day in and day out.  No amount of money will make you happy if you're with someone who has character flaws that you can't live with. No amount of looks will cover for that, no amount of sex no matter how good will make up for that. (After all you can't spend your whole relationship in bed).
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« Reply #59 on: April 30, 2008, 10:36:46 AM »

I didn't say more men grads than women grads. I said more women non grads than women grads & thats the case for every group broken down by race or gender.


And depth ALSO doesn't include looking past a person's looks but you're getting some money & dyck either..  Roll Eyes

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